And so ends the greatest love story of our time
Well, color me shocked: Father of the year Jon Gosselin and his attention-seeking girlfriend, Hailey Glassman, have called it quits. Strange, since they seemed perfectly stable after Hailey appeared on The Insider to cry about how Jon emotionally abuses her and throws “mantrums.”
For most normal relationships, abuse allegations would signal the end — but Jon and Hailey aren’t your typical couple. I assumed this was just the beginning of their desperate attempts to stay in the limelight. Jon even put forth a riveting plea for help:
My girlfriend, Hailey Glassman, has paid a significant price to live under such a media microscope. I am grateful for her emotional support and I regret any pain that my actions have caused her as she has selflessly born the pressures I have endured under the media glare. I am committed to making things right with Hailey as well as Kate and especially my children. I ask you to please give me the opportunity to prove myself.
Of course, he issued this statement to The Insider, so I’m not entirely shocked that Hailey didn’t go rushing back into his arms. But famewhores can’t just fade back into obscurity that easily. I predict a “romantic” reconciliation in two weeks — with The Insider’s cameras there to capture all the joy.
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Jon’s statement reads as though it was boilerplated by a PR hack, a lawyer, and Dr. Phil. Since there is no repetitious use of the word “awesome,” I have to assume that Jon simply signed off on it.