After having watched the trailer above, I don’t know why Nintendo is wasting its time with crappy games like “Enjoy Your Massage!”. The music sounds like I am riding in an  elevator to hell, the point of view never zooms out so I can see the female giving the massages (just my hands), and the actual massage motion looks like I am scrubbing or cleaning something, not massaging. I hope young boys who buy this game don’t think this is what massages are like.

As for actual game-play, it’s just a memory game so that might be fun for someone? I call this game adolescent soft-core porn because of the rewarding pictures you get to see of your clientèle once you’ve successfully completed a massage (there is even a zoom feature, presumably to get a close-up shot of panties or cleavage)- and there is no other reason to have those reward photos except to stimulate arousal.

If I was an adolescent boy, I’d rather play any of the Dating Sim games at Newgrounds.com being as they are free… and sometimes show nudity.

It’s the second part of that dynamic I want to talk about for a second, because as much as it pains the studio, used games are a big help for consumers. Even a brand new title purchased used is still 8-16% off the new price, and older titles sink even further in price.

But if Gamestop goes the way of Blockbuster, and succumbs to the digital age where everything is sent directly to your console, will consumers have any choice BUT to pay full price for games?

At first, the answer would seem to be no. If physical copies of games cease to exist (and within ten years I predict they will), then how does one buy one used? The consumer will be forced to pay full price for every title.

Or will they?

I think there’s a market here that has yet to be smashed open to any significant degree by anyone. Something Netflix, Redbox, Blockbuster and even Gamestop are circling, but no ones figured it out quite yet.

The demand for video game rental is huge. Far larger than anyone realizes. But unfortunately, because there is SO much demand, the supply for such a service is, for lack of a better term, complete shit.

The only real way to rent games now are through Blockbuster, which has about a 10% chance of having the game you want if it’s been released within the last two months, or GameFly, who will impress you greatly by giving you a few games in a timely fashion, but soon it will take weeks or months to get any title you want on the top of your queue.

Good in theory, not in practice.

There is a great need for a timely delivery rental system of games, be it through the mail or via direct download. Mail would be a tricky concept to execute, as Netflix’s “keep it as long as you want” philosophy wouldn’t work here. You’ll probably get around to watching a two hour movie in a week or so, but it’ll probably take you the better part of a month to put in 20-40 hours to beat certain video game titles. This would result in the same shortage that makes Blockbuster’s shelves empty or Gamefly’s lines long.

Rather, I believe in the future rentals should be done via download. If streaming gameplay becomes more of a reality (we’ll see if OnLive delivers), it could be done that way, with a time limit that a player must “insert coins” figuratively speaking if they’d like to keep playing.

The other way to do it, is a kind of self-destructing download, where the game would sit on a player’s hard drive until the rental time period was up. This would seem to be the best solution, but once you start downloading games, piracy becomes an immediate concern. The console industry has avoided mass piracy successfully unlike the movie, TV and music industries because it requires so much more work to execute. You must download and burn games (an ordeal in itself) and then illegally modify your console, the result of which can mean your banishment from your system’s internet forever if you’re discovered, successfully turning your system into a $300 brick.

There isn’t an easy answer to this problem, but it is one that needs answering. The $60 price point for games that’s been unfairly established by a conglomerate of huge corporations is nothing short of price fixing, and there needs to be an alternative to that, whether it’s through used games (which we see currently) or rentals (a market that will hopefully continue to develop effectively).

So to answer my original question, do we need Gamestop? As the industry changes quickly, unless they capitalize on new distribution methods, the answer is no, we won’t, even if used games become a thing of the past. Soon people who still cling to the belief that they need a physical copy of something will be looked at as dinosaurs by the next generation. After the disc, there will be no new physical format, only files and bits of data. The sooner the industry and the public realizes this, the better.

They’ve done away with anonymity in their forums completely, and in the future, all posting MUST be made using the members RealID, ie. their actual first and last name they inputted with their CD Key when they installed the game. They maintain that the boards have grown too rife with trolls and flamewars, and they believe this move will effectively stomp all that out. Needless to say, this drastic move is…controversial.

Here’s the official word they put out on the forums yesterday:

The first and most significant change is that in the near future, anyone posting or replying to a post on official Blizzard forums will be doing so using their Real ID — that is, their real-life first and last name — with the option to also display the name of their primary in-game character alongside it. These changes will go into effect on all StarCraft II forums with the launch of the new community site prior to the July 27 release of the game, with the World of Warcraft site and forums following suit near the launch of Cataclysm. Certain classic forums, including the classic Battle.net forums, will remain unchanged.

The official forums have always been a great place to discuss the latest info on our games, offer ideas and suggestions, and share experiences with other players — however, the forums have also earned a reputation as a place where flame wars, trolling, and other unpleasantness run wild. Removing the veil of anonymity typical to online dialogue will contribute to a more positive forum environment, promote constructive conversations, and connect the Blizzard community in ways they haven’t been connected before. With this change, you’ll see blue posters (i.e. Blizzard employees) posting by their real first and last names on our forums as well.

I have to be honest, my first, initial, unadulterated reaction to this news was glee. Why? For years now, I’ve been writing with my real name for the various media outlets I work for including this one, and in return for expressing my ideas and having them attached to my own name (in on True/Slant, face), I’ve been endlessly flamed with personal insults from commenters hiding under the veil of a fake username and e-mail address.

It doesn’t seem fair that I put myself out there every day with my writing, only to routinely be torn down by anonymous idiots who I have no recourse against. I’ve long dreamed of an internet utopia where everyone is responsible for what they say, leading to a much more civilized discourse overall. Have you ever read the comments of ANY YouTube video? It’s like if a horny thirteen year old boy was genetically spliced with homeless man with Tourettes. Surely, by forcing users to post only with their real name, stupid people would keep their mouths shut, and the internet would instead be filled with intelligent debate and thoughtful contribution instead of trolling and profanity.

But it didn’t take me long to realize that was just a fantasy, and instead the idea of taking anonymity away from the internet would have very serious consequences for everyone.

If we even just examine the Blizzard situation for a few seconds, problems jump out of the woodwork immediately. Among them:

- Job Hunting: A potential employer could immediately be turned off by the mere fact that you are in fact a gamer, as evidenced by your posting on a World of Warcraft board about raids and mounts and loot drops. It may not be fair, but many companies will have an innate bias against such people, as gamers are still a much maligned segment of the population, despite how much the demographic has grown. A simple Google search could cost you a job just because of a harmless leisure activity you enjoy just because you look like a dork.

Yes, I love this game, but I don't necessarily want the world to know that.

- Vengeance: Many disputes in a game can get people extremely worked up in real life. With the availability of real names, hunting someone down IRL (in real life) would get much, much easier, and I doubt it would be long before virtual conflict led to physical retribution in a way that could range from sending 100 pizzas to you house to actually murdering you in their sleep. And I guarantee both would happen at some point.

- Girls: You think it’s hard to find a girl playing Starcraft now? Just wait until they’re all chased away by the fact that they must now publically reveal their sex to the entire community by using their real name. If you think sexual harassment will be stamped out entirely by this new policy (as the men must use their real names as well), think again, the reverse would likely be true and the potential for real-world stalking grows infinitely higher under these new rules, even if the female in question is merely trying to be an active participant in the community.

A girl? GET HER!

- Slippery Slope: If this policy did catch on with other sites with forums and comments, it seems like the first step in a big brother policy of internet usage monitoring. A Google search would turn up a complete list of the sites you frequent and communities you participate in, and some would surely have info you wouldn’t want others to see.

And that’s really a big issue. I used anonymity as a negative when describing commenters earlier, who use the privilege to insult and slander freely. But what about the flipside of that? What about someone who uses that freedom to say something that’s on their mind and close to their heart, but would never do so if their name was attached to it? What if a closeted liberal in Alabama wants to post anti-war sentiments on a CNN news post without his family seeing? What if the son of hippie parents wants to express his love for automatic firearms on a gun forum without a lecture? Yes, we might slay the trolls, but at what cost to the civilian population?

This issue is splitting many on the internet, and even within Blizzard’s forums. Yes, the majority opinion is that this is an awful idea for many of the reasons I’ve listed above. But some have had enough with the flamewars and think desperate measures like this are in order. Will this work? Honestly, I don’t think so. The official comment boards will whittle down to the die-hard few, with hardly anyone willing to put themselves out there with the veil lifted. Blizzard’s mods will have an easier job, as their community will simply pick up and move to the trillion other sites that still have anonymity intact.

When it comes down to it, I think anonymity is necessary for the internet, even if it does mean venomous comments and idiocy. There’s always the delete and ban buttons after all, and this just seems like a bunch of Blizzard moderators tired of doing their jobs. Jobs that will now not exist after the entire community jumps ship.

I’ve gotten used to the negative comments over the years, and by now they’re just white noise. And really, we may think we have true freedom of speech in this country, but we don’t, not consequence free at least. Anonymity is really the only way to truly let us say anything at all, good, bad or otherwise, and that is a freedom I don’t think we should be forced to give up. Combine this with a set of very real safety and privacy concerns, and this is just a bad policy on every level.

Stay tuned to see how Blizzard handles the backlash.

But with little else to do, I must continue reflecting on Sony’s Move and Microsoft’s Kinect, the two pieces of technology that are essentially replacing the need for a new console generation. At least according to their creators.

As I think about it more and more though, I have to wonder how either system believes it’s going to be a success in the current console climate, and who exactly they’re thinking will be supporting this new technology.

The way I look at it, there are four main groups of people that make up the vast majority of the market who will all not buy Move or Kinect for different reasons.

The Family that Only Owns a Wii – Their kids aren’t that into video games, or else they’d have other consoles. They bought a Wii thinking that it would be a good family activity, but now rarely play it.

Why won’t they bite? – If they don’t care much for gaming to begin with, do you think they’ll really drop $500 for a console, a motion control system and a game? Though these people might have bought into the motion control gimmick initially, you won’t fool them twice.

The Hardcore Gamer – These are the kinds of people (like myself) who own either a PS3 or 360 already, and have been laughing at the Wii for years, or bought one a long time ago for Super Smash Bros. or Mario Galaxy and have not really played it since.

Why won’t they bite? – They think that some of the tech is decently cool, such as voice controlling a DVD with Kinect or complete 1:1 movement with Move, but with the current slate of upcoming games for both devices being mainly Wii Sports clones and dancing titles, there’s no reason to drop $150 at this point. But even once games we like start employing the tech, it’s going to be hard justifying why they’d rather play Gears of War in mime for hours on end rather than simply using a controller.

Yeah, how long can you keep that up?

The Family Who Owns a Wii AND Another Console – It’s clear this tech is aimed mainly at families, so we’ll head back in that direction. Some families are more gaming oriented, and they might actually have sprung for more than one console for their kids

Why won’t they bite? – This might be the group most likely to buy either piece of tech, but I don’t think it will work. If they already own a Wii, it’s going to be hard to justify paying the extra cash for something that is really only a slight upgrade to their existing motion control set-up.

The Non-Console Owner – A family or an individual who has avoided the entire new generation of consoles. Either they’re still rocking an N64 or a PS2, or they just don’t have an interest in games, and Microsoft and Sony are hoping their “anyone can play” systems will lure them in.

Why won’t they bite? – If they weren’t seduced in by the sensation that was the Wii sweeping the nation with its promise of video games for all, they won’t drop double the cash for a similar system now.

So who does that leave? I really only see two groups who will buy either system.

The Hardcore Gamer/Technophile – The gamer with a bit of cash in his pocket who wants to have all the latest tech, regardless of how much he actually uses it a month from now. Has all three consoles already, might as well get all the latest add ons for them.

The Family with Only a 360 or PS3 – Since they don’t have a Wii, they figure it might be a good way to turn their son’s 8 hour Call of Duty binges into family time by purchasing Kinect or Move for a more casual experience. But if they hadn’t gotten a Wii by this point, I don’t think they have much interest in casual gaming, and the parents are content to let their kids do their own thing.

It's totally different, we swear!

But even if these two groups jump on Move and Kinect, the sales of either aren’t going to approach anything close to the numbers the Wii has managed to put up.

This begs the question, how far are Sony and Microsoft willing to go with this tech? Do they truly believe that motion controls are the future of gaming? Will they devote massive amounts of time and resources to make sure that all future games start to move toward using that tech instead of say, focusing on building an entirely new console?

And I think that last part is really the answer. We need a new console generation, or for at least a new console generation to be announced. The Xbox 360 came out in 2005, and it’s clear we’re going to head into 2011 without even a hint that a new version of the 360 or any other console is on the way.

I just don’t see myself, or many gamers like me, ever springing for this tech as an add-on. But make it a standard part of an entirely new console with massive processing power and next-level graphics, and I’m on board, I’d pay $400-$500 for that.

Motion controls have unfortunately stalled what should be the natural evolution of video games, and now we’re actually moving backward in terms of progress. Yes, the tech is a step forward in a lot of ways, but the games themselves are three steps back, and are little more than minigames or party activities at this point. I’m not saying there isn’t a market for that, but it can only take you so far. And once motion controls become a MANDATORY part of our favorite games (like in the upcoming Wii Zelda title), there might be something of a revolt within the industry.

Sony and Microsoft, just be careful not to put all your eggs in one basket. As you’re flailing your arms and legs around in your living room, you might knock it over and crack them all open.

GTFO DDR!!!! Image via Wikipedia

I knew about the “Portal 2″ announcement and the newest Star Wars: The Old Republic trailer before E3, so I wasn’t expecting anything to come out of the convention that would shatter my hum-drum gaming existence.

But then I saw “Dance Central“.

I think it was love at first sight.

I tried to resist. Dance Central? Please, Fruzs, have some gaming class.  I can’t buy an Xbox and Kinect just for “Dance Central”. I am part of the “Glorious PC Gaming Master Race” – not some ninny scum “Dirty Console Gaming Peasant”. But then I remembered how much I love dancing.  And then I noticed this game actually teaches you different dance moves – moves I’ve never attempted before.

This isn’t DDR, where I jump around pressing buttons to the beat with my feet, and nothing happens with my upper body (DDR is no  ”glorified tap dancing“).  And I do like this idea of making “working out” a game. Sure, marathon running or sprinting is a great skill to have if I needed to worry about the impeding Apocalypse, but I’ll take my dancing in my home with weights over running on pavement every 6am any day.

I never got into the Wii Fit, with its balance board, or yoga  in general, because I much prefer high impact workouts, like jump roping, or dancing in my apartment with weights. Why not just play this game with some light 2 – 3 pound weights around your wrists?   (psst, “gamer girls”, if you post videos of yourself playing this game with weights come November, you must link here, or I will get very mad.)

I would to take this moment to challenge you,  Kristen from GameMeetsGirl, to a Dance  Off.

I’ve compiled a list of games the ladies would enjoy despite being unfamiliar with the whole video game genre. These are also the best of the cheapest, because when a game is less than $10, how can your girlfriend get turned off by the price?

In order of ascending difficulty:

1. Osmos, for $4.99

This game is the exact opposite of those “damn noisy shooters” you like to play and is perfect for the lady who has limited to no experience with video games. As the above video demonstrates, this game is as close to a yoga session for your brain as it gets. You have to be patient, flying through space in your quest to eat other orbs. The saying “Good things come to those who wait” is applicable in describing Osmos game play. You have to stay calm and move slowly, or risk colliding into a bigger orb that will eat you. Despite this games simplicity, the levels do get a bit harder as you progress through the game; there is some sort of challenge (I moved too fast and flew into the sun a couple of times).

You can play Osmos for as short increments of time as 5 minutes (a level), and feel satisfied.

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2. Blueberry Garden,  for $4.99:

If you’re looking to get out of seeing another bizarre European indie film, get your gal this game instead. Designed by a Swede, this beautiful and quirky game reminds me more of an interactive art piece than a video game. Don’t be fooled: there is a goal in this game, not made evident by the above trailer.  If Ebert played this game he would give up his silly notion that video games are not an art form. Bobbie Johnson, from the UK Guardian, described this game as ” a dainty piece of indie magic”: “I almost wanted to put it in a ribbon-wrapped box with a kitten and cry a little”.

Blueberry Garden is more fast paced than Osmos and Machinarium.

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3. Machinarium,  for $9.99:

Like Blueberry Garden, Machinarium is highly stylized:  the music and attention to detail remind me of a less-creepy-more-upbeat Tim Burton with a touch of vintage (and maybe a hint of German Expressionist film?). Machinarium is a slower paced puzzle and adventure game (you can stand still for 5 minutes and nothing will happen to your retro robot-  except him doing cute things) . Game play is just point and click, and if you are having trouble figuring out a level you get one hint. If the hint isn’t enough, you can play a mini-game off the top right of your screen to unlock a walk-through manual, so you are never stuck.

The storyline is whimsical, and unless your lady has a heart made of stone, she will be charmed by Machinarium.

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4. Audiosurf, for ONLY $2.50:

Does your girlfriend like music? Silly question, because she probably does!  The official website for Audiosurf  describes this  puzzle racer as “riding your own music”, and I am hard pressed to think of another way to describe this game. The track, speed, and puzzles change based on the  music  you chose.  If your girl has seen Guitar Hero or Rock Band played at a party, the race track should be somewhat familiar to her. Here is a link to Poker Face on Audiosurf, in case your gal wants to see what that is like.

If your lady has not played Rock Band or Guitar Hero, this will make her more comfortable doing so (fast scrolling button combinations).

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5. Sid Meier’s Pirates!,  for $7.50.

Sid Meier’s Pirates! is a  role- playing game, so is guaranteed to engage your girlfriend for at least 30 – 60 minutes. Ladies,  how can you not like the idea of being a handsome pirate seeking revenge? Despite this game being over 5 years old, it is still a shipload of fantastic fun. Replay value is high,  and the controls are easy to pick up and involve a lot of mouse clicking. Sid Meier’s Pirates incorporates  a variety of mini games (one is “dancing”: you try to get the prettiest governor’s daughter to fall in love with you) into a huge world map, and I’ve found fans of this game in unexpected people in unexpected age groups. If a 60 year old woman can enjoy this game, chances are your girlfriend will too (have her watch the above instructional video complete with a nice male accent).

This is an older game so your girlfriend’s graphics card should be able to handle it.

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6. City of Heroes bundle, for $13.40, plus monthly/yearly subscription fee. (More than $10, I know, but it is TWO games!)

If you’re really into World of Warcraft and your lady shows no signs of interest, or worse, annoyance, I recommend City of Heroes.  Maybe she would rather control the elements, fly above skyscrapers, or set bad guys on fire as a super sexy super hero, than play as a dopey elf in robes?

City of Heroes was the first super hero MMO when it came out 6 years ago, and everything from the environment to the music reflect that comic book mentality. Your girlfriend will love this game for 2 reasons: 1, CoH has won numerous awards for its character customization. You can customize anything from hair style and color, to tattoos, to shoulder armor, to knee high length boots, leather corsets and booty shorts, to the colors of your powers, glowing eyes, wings, capes, every single thing you can possibly think of, there are options for it. No two characters in this game can ever be alike. I used to spend at least an hour customizing my characters.    Reason #2: this game is team based. In order to accomplish good, hard missions, you need to work together with different types of characters.  Everyone has a role in your team, and in order for your team to survive you must work well together.  The CoH interface is also more intuitive than the World of Warcraft interface.

This is an older game so your girlfriend’s graphics card should be able to handle it.

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7. Braid, for $9.99

Chances are, your girlfriend says Super Mario Bros was her favorite game, and possibly the only game she’s ever played. Why not re-introduce her to the world of platformers once again, with Braid?   The plot is similar to Mario in that you believe you are trying to rescue a princess from a monster, but early on clues arise that she left you because of a mistake you committed. The “braid” is the vivid memory of her braid turning away from you after you hurt her.  The romantic undertones cannot be missed.

Braid not just a simple platformer: this game also has increasing difficult puzzles, and  philosophic undertones that some gamers  speculate are about about nuclear war (??). The music and backdrop of Braid are absolutely gorgeous (intentionally appearing as moving paintings), and should be an easy sell for your girl.

Diner Dash, or any other equivalent, is not on this list as those games albeit fun and popular with the ladies, tend to induce stress and decrease your chances of getting laid later.

Underwater city with art deco designs, in Bioshock. Image via Wikipedia

Tom Bissell, in a Salon interview promoting his new book “Extra Lives: Why Video Games Matter“, continues to make the case for video games as art. The whole interview is worth reading, but here are some choice tidbits:

Around 2006, 2007, a handful of games started coming out that, as someone who played games but didn’t think of them as like a viable artistic medium, made me think, “Wow things have gotten extremely compelling formally.” I mostly associated video game storytelling with unforgivable clumsiness, irredeemable incompetence, and suddenly I was finding the aesthetic and formal concerns I’d always associated with fiction: storytelling, form, the medium, character. That kind of shocked me.

Games that changed the paradigm, at least for me, were “Portal,” “Grand Theft Auto: Vice City,” and “BioShock.” All took their storytelling seriously in different ways, and brought to the table a relatively unusual level of sophistication when it came to video-game storytelling. They simply didn’t seem unnecessarily dumb in the way a lot of video-game storytelling games feel dumb.

Roger Ebert has famously argued (and recently restated in a blog post) that video games should not be considered art. What do you say to that?

I really admire Roger Ebert a lot, but on this issue he’s just wrong. I think he even kind of knows he’s wrong, and he’s kind of Custer in a battle that he knows he’s outnumbered on, but he’s actually asking the wrong question. The question is not, “Are video games art?” The question is, “Can artists express themselves through the video-game medium?” …

He’s kind of right in the sense that this isn’t going to stand up against impressionist painting, but it’s not supposed to. …

…It’d be like giving sex advice after having watched “Debbie Does Dallas,” but never having fucked anyone.

via Salon “Extra Lives”: Are Video Games the Next Art Form?

Interestingly, perhaps because neither of two are from an arts background, the point of “interactive art” was never mentioned in the interview. Perhaps Roger Ebert is unaware of the “interactive art” movement, and his ignorance of this type of artistic impression (despite beginning in the 20’s, catching steam in the 60’s, and exploding in the late 90’s)  is what keeps Ebert from understanding video games as art (that, and the fact that he doesn’t play any video games).

Interactive art is defined as a form of art that requires the viewers to participate in some way. Without the viewers participation or input,  the art piece would not function, and therefore not be. The art would be reduced to a monitor, sensors, plastic, metal, wood, what have you –  plain ol’ inanimate objects with no artistic merit.  Now consider video games. Without the video game player, directing the characters, unlocking story arcs, making choices, providing input, the video game would cease to be a work of art, and just be code, or plastic and metal – plain ol’ inanimate objects.

We already consider films as art, so why when video games combine the visual medium of film with  interactivity, are they not considered art? Sure, not every game is a work of art, just like how not every movie (Transformers?)  is a work of art. The art community already considers art that isn’t displayed in galleries or museums  ( see the “street art” movement) as “high art”, so why can’t we make the obvious leap to video games?

There were two big stories this year at E3, one of them is motion controls, a subject I have beaten to death with a Wiimote for a while now, and the other is 3D. I actually think 3D, when properly done, would be a cool addition to many games, but there are currently two directions the industry is taking with the format.

I want to first examine Sony, which is releasing 3D games in conjunction with their new line of 3D TVs that will be on sale shortly. But since the tech is new, just how much will you need to spend to properly play 3D games in your living room?

40 inch Sony LED LX900 TV ~ $3,000 est.
1 pair TDG-BR100 3D glasses – $133
1 TMR-BR100 IR emitter – $55
1 Playstation 3 – $300
1 copy of Killzone 3 – $60

And if you want a second player?

1 pair TDG-BR100 3D glasses – $133
1 Dualshock 3 controller – $55

And if you want Sony Move capability?

1 Move controller – $50
Second half of Move controller – $30
Sony Eyetoy – $30

And for two players?

1 Move controller – $50
Second half of Move Controller $30

So, final rundown:

3D for just you – $3,548
3D for you and a friend – $3,736
3D with Move for just you – $3,658
3D with Move for you and a friend – $3,871

Give or take a few hundred for when the final price of the 3D capable TV is released.

I understand that Sony is trying to go after early adopters with 3D, and someday, 3D TV will probably be the norm at the current pace, but all of these price tags are far beyond anything the vast majority of gamers can afford, and I have a hunch that they might be in for a world of hurt when all this stuff is launched initially. And people really do still hate those glasses.

Which brings me to my second set of numbers. Nintendo showcased the 3DS at their E3 keynote, a 3D version of their DS that doesn’t require glasses to create a 3D effect, presumably because it is powered by magic.

So how much will it take to experience 3D tech from Nintendo?

1 3DS – $249

That’s it. That price point I estimated, as it hasn’t been officially announced, but Nintendo has never debuted a system above that price, and due to their mountains of cash from Wii and DS sales so far, I highly doubt they’ll start now.

Yes, it’s true, this is a handheld and Sony’s is on a giant screen in your living room, but the price disparity does not narrow that enjoyment gap to a level that makes the PS3’s 3D seem reasonable. Careful Sony, you might be in over your heads here.

[numbers via Engadget]

The 30 second ad opens up with two women in their late 20’s, early 30’s, sitting on a park bench. One woman looks professional in every sense of the word- from her attire, to her make-up, to her calm but gracious behavior – all while being sexy.  The other character in this ad looks  like she engages in a more relaxed lifestyle- she is not in business attire, wearing a patterned shirt, eating chips or cookies and  presumably slurping a soft drink. This second character gets caught up in the moment and does things spontaneously, like talk to strangers. Right off the bat we know this game is for every type of woman (well, “white” at least).

This ad puts a new spin on what many parents think of as just a child’s toy. Both of these women are beautiful and fit, proving that you don’t have to be an overweight loser nerd in their parents basement to like video games.  These video game playing gals are also outside, loving life! Perhaps employed and on a lunch break! They don’t look depressed.

The  professional woman is playing a puzzle game on the Nintendo DS.  Why play Sudoku, or do a crossword puzzles, when you can do it on a portable high-tech consumer gadget? We don’t need to chop down any trees for these types of puzzles… or be at home linked into a social network like our older aunts. The  free bird character (played by Jama Williamson, the actress who plays Aziz Ansari’s ex wife in Parks & Recreation) jumps in at the end of the commercial and helps solve the puzzle. The professional woman has enough class to not be phased and the two women move closer to each other on the bench so they can both play,  indicating that these two can be friends in real life after all! How idyllic – no back seat gamer there. Nintendo says “See, technology can bring people together!”

Way to go, Nintendo! Look at you, understanding the older untapped female market with all your research and consumer reports! Your good efforts almost make me want to go out and buy another DS game …. from the used bin.

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Best Wii-Exclusive Game: The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword

This was the first game Nintendo touched on at their media briefing. In spite of a somewhat glitchy live demonstration (chalked up to wireless interference from the audience, naturally), the game was available to play on the show floor. Every concept presented by designer Shigeru Miyamoto came across smoothly in the actual game, which puts the player in direct, 1:1 control of Link’s sword.

Watch:

The graphics are very colorful and seem to have a hint of cell-shading to them, meaning many fans will see the art style as something of a cross between Wind Waker and Twilight Princess. There seemed to be some watercolor-like effects in the background distortion as well, leading me to wonder if the unique rendering has something to do with the nature of Link’s new world.

While many of the gameplay mechanics are familiar to fans of the Zelda franchise, it still feels fresh and original. Nintendo definitely had the best game lineup of the show, but this one stood just above the rest.

(Runners up: Sonic Colors, Kirby: Epic Yarn, Metroid: Other M.)

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Best PlayStation 3-Exclusive Game: Twisted Metal

Talk about some old-school jones: this game had me spinning my wheels back to the PSOne-era. It truly stood out at Sony’s booth and instantly brought back memories of countless hours spent on the other David Jaffe-created Twisted Metal games. Sony was smart to let him do his own thing once again, especially after the titanic success of the God of War series.

Plus, the multiplayer is a true sight to behold, which you may do so below.

(Runners up: Motorstorm Apocalypse, Gran Turismo 5, Little Big Planet 2.)

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Best Xbox 360-Exclusive Game: None of the above

Microsoft put WAY too much focus on family-friend Kinect games that look like poor Wii ripoffs, while leaving core gamers out in the cold. Sure, they had Halo Reach and Gears of War 3, but neither really wowed me. I’m certain both will be quality gaming experiences, but they’re franchise properties; a known quantity. I wanted something new, but even with a massive console add-on device Microsoft failed to bring home the goods.

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Best Multiplatform Games:  Marvel VS Capcom 3, Dead Rising 2, Rock Band 3

Child of Eden, the spiritual sequel to Rez, is easily my game of the show and headed to PS3 and 360 very soon – but there’s three other multiplatform games that deserve similarly high praise.

Marvel VS Capcom 3 (Capcom, coming to Xbox 360, PS3) looks to be a chaotic masterpiece of a fighter. After an hour waiting in line, a friend and I — both of us being quite proficient in MVC 2 — tore into each other for five solid minutes and came away very impressed. The graphics are gorgeous and it will have a cast of gaming and comic heroes unlike anything players have ever seen before. That’s cool.

Trailer:

Dead Rising 2 (Capcom, coming to Xbox 360, PS3, PC) takes players on a violent and deeply satirical ride through a zombie-infested shopping mall.  Thousands of the undead haunt seemingly each hallway and corridor, but wading through them isn’t made needlessly difficult. The game lets players use almost any item lying around to slaughter zombies and even allows for weapon combinations via a tool bench and roll of duct tape. Two chainsaws taped to the ends of a canoe paddle? Yes, please.

Trailer:

Rock Band 3 (Harmonix, coming to Xbox 360, PS3, Wii) will feature all new instruments that actually replicate the experience of playing the real thing … By which, it will literally teach gamers how to play the guitar, bass, drums and keyboard. The game will also feature 83 new tracks, though Rock Band already features thousands of amazing artists via downloadable content. Even people who hate this sort of game would be tempted to invest if they’re interested in learning to play an instrument. Bravo, Harmonix.

Trailer:

(Runners up: Vanquish, Mortal Kombat, Sonic the Hedgehog 4.)

Best New Hardware: Nintendo 3DS

On the show’s final day, the Nintendo 3DS had a line estimated to be some five hours long, stretching out into the convention center parking lot. In my years of covering and reading about E3, I’ve never heard of such a thing.

The 3D effect one gets from the new DS screen is brilliant. Looked at straight on, it’s as if the device contains a separate little world that hovers in front of you. Seen from an angle the effect is lost and the image becomes fuzzy, but when it’s right, it’s really right.

8 and 16-bit games are likely to be ported over, as the booth featured some of the older Nintendo classics in pseudo-3D. Nintendo 64 games will also benefit dramatically from the new platform and Nintendo was showing off demos for The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and Star Fox 64, both in eye-popping 3D.

But it’s not just the old school that got gamers abuzz: some of the tech demos featured graphic fidelity near the level of Xbox 360 games, and Nintendo is reviving Kid Icarus to showcase the 3DS.

The system has a slider on the side that lets players adjust the 3D effect — and, at their press conference, Nintendo said the console would sport a “wealth” of 3D content at launch. These two facts could very well mean that many existing DS games will work with the new system, but that remains to be seen. Still, allowing a 3D effect toggle might give players the power to simply flick it on and see what happens, unless the system’s firmware simply locks that function when playing older games. With shutter glasses on a properly-equipped 3D gaming PC, similar toggles allow for a range of compatibility with older games not specifically designed for the effect. This could also be the case on 3DS, but Nintendo was clearly hedging their bets on making any announcement.

Toss in a 3D camera and content partnerships for 3D Hollywood movies and you’ve got the most compelling handheld gaming gadget ever. Nintendo is going to own pockets all over the world very soon.

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Worst New Hardware: PlayStation Move

This was a real toss-up between Move and Kinect. Believe it or not, I actually think Move has a better shot at success if Sony can hit a mass-market price with a bundle package. Still, getting two players fully compatible with most Move games is a high point of entry, with consumers looking at a very hefty investment by way of buying every piece separately. For instance, to play The Fight, a full $200 plus tax must be sunk into the controllers alone. Then there’s the Web cam … And the game …

Still, this promo video from Sony is neat to look at:

It’s basically a new console that sits on top of an old console. Unless Sony gets this thing bundled and cheaper, with games that are not blatant Wii ripoffs, I’m calling it another Sega CD or 64 Disk Drive. Consumers do not have a difficult choice when asking themselves who offers a better, cheaper, more enjoyable motion gaming experience. Sony’s Move fails to inspire me and until it does, I’m not buying it.

(A final, immature barb at Move: a female colleague quipped that it looks like a freaky vibrator with a glowing ball on the end. Now every time I look at it, that comment pops into mind. *shudder*)

Runner Up: Xbox 360 Kinect

The new Xbox device has cool tech behind it and should be able to produce some interesting gaming experiences on down the road … But it also makes people who play with it look like complete idiots. Microsoft’s booth was full of people jumping and waiving spasmodically, with video of their actions projected above the crowd. Whoever made this decision wasn’t very smart. They may as well have launched their own EyeToy, ’cause it’s basically just a Web cam that makes people look stupid.

Last year’s E3, “Project Natal” ignited the imaginations of gamers everywhere with the Milo demo by Lionhead. This year, after presenting the thing with a bizarre arena show full of glowing space bibs and acrobats running on the ceiling, Microsoft offered a not-so-subtle apology to the press with thousands of ethics-free, gratis consoles.

Then, a nasty rumor surfaced: that Kinect doesn’t work very well for gamers who are sitting down. Microsoft says that’s not the case, but did thump on the whole “optimized for standing” bit a lot during the show. Added, every Kinect game I saw required players to be on their feet. Many looked like quite a workout, and the stench of sweaty geek body odor was certainly detectable in the Xbox booth.

If sitting glitches this thing out — and I already hear the voice controls can be manipulated by multiple people during one session — that may just be one fatal flaw too many.

But at least their first TV spot is kind of neat, even though it gives viewers absolutely no reason to buy the product:

Still, if Microsoft’s strongest appeal to core gamers is, ‘Hey, get up and jump around for some Wii ripoffs,’ or, ‘pretend your finger is a gun’ (something Sony outright mocked) … I don’t see it faring well until a truly killer app hits.

I believe that game will be Child of Eden, which is the only reason I did not pick Kinect for worst hardware. Still, it remains to be seen.

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Best Major Franchise Reboot: Mortal Kombat

The new Mortal Kombat features four player action and all the violence players have come to expect from the series. This time, it’s a true sequel to Mortal Kombat II, the game most ‘Kobmatants’ like best. From checking out the trailers and watching it demonstrated, this looks to be a bloody good time. This could soon be one of the most popular party games in America. (Midway, coming to Xbox 360, PS3.)

Trailer:

(Runners up: Twisted Metal, Donkey Kong Country Returns, Goldeneye.)

Worst Major Franchise Reboot: Castlevania: Lords of Shadow

I wanted this game to be so much more than a God of War ripoff. From my 10 minutes of demo time, it doesn’t appear to clear that bar. I hope their surprisingly lame demo is a fluke because the Castlevania reboot has tremendous potential … But the folks at Konami need to do something a little different than their friends at Sony, or I may not be plunking down full retail price. (Konami, coming to Xbox 360, PS3.)

Trailer:

(Runners up: Xbox, PlayStation for their emphasis on how they’ve become more expensive copies of the Wii.)

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Game of the Show: Child of Eden

Just … Watch:

That’s the spiritual sequel to Rez, revered by many gamers as being at the pinnacle of the interactive arts. I maintain, Child of Eden — which supports Kinect and is slated for Xbox 360 and PS3 — cannot come out soon enough.

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That’s all for this list. Check back in the coming days for a more unconventional take on my E3 experience, complete with photos, video and a lot of weirdness. Cheers.

I was perhaps a bit too quick to pronounce The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword my “Game of the Show” for E3 2010. A little title called “Child of Eden” offered in playable form today behind closed doors at UbiSoft has set the world of gaming aflutter.

Here’s why:

In the midst of E3’s mad rush, this game’s existence somehow escaped me until hours ago, when I read a blog by one of the game’s producers, former EGM and 1UP journalist James Mielke, describing why he’d quit writing to join developer Q? in fleshing out a mystery project.

According to Mielke’s Facebook page, legendary Nintendo designer Shigeru Miyamoto — creator of Zelda, Mario and, arguably, the modern gaming industry as a whole — sat down for a Kinect-infused Eden demo and came away calling it “game of the show.”

Eden is a first-person experience, to put it lightly. It uses the Xbox 360’s camera-based controller to transform the player’s palms into targeting cursors. While I have not yet played Eden, I’ve seen it on demo.

This was enough to convince me: it will blow people’s minds.

In my book, this game is the ONLY good thing so far about the Kinect, which otherwise appears to be a huge embarrassment for Microsoft thanks to a lineup of shoddy Wii ripoffs promoted by some seriously bizarre PR stunts.

Eden’s palm-based gameplay, on the other hand, can only be done with a Kinect … And Hot Damn, does it look cool.

Here’s a live demonstration:

This game is the spiritual sequel to Rez, an otherwise obscure, artsy game made for the Sega Dreamcast and ported to PlayStation 2 and Xbox 360. Its creator, Tetsuya Mizuguchi, was the driving force behind eclectic music and puzzle titles like Space Channel 5, Meteos and Lumines. His interactive portfolio is unique among acclaimed designers, making Mizuguchi games increasingly valuable beyond their initial printings.

(Disclosure: Rez is my favorite game, like, ever; I’m pretty biased towards its sequel.)

Eden looks to be Mizucuchi’s masterpiece. He said the game’s story would be simply that of a girl becoming human.

It is a product that will hold much water with gamers. I would buy a Kinect just for Eden, even though it is playable with a traditional controller and headed for PlayStation 3.

If I can get a hands-on demo, I’ll have much more to say. Still, simply for what it is and the people behind it, this game has already eclipsed every other title I’ve seen at E3 2010.

Merely looking at Q?’s next phenomenon left me completely slack-jawed and feeling like a teenager. Now I’m just praying they’ll let me play it.

If that happens, I’ll have to restrain myself from the keyboard for a few hours while the sensory input digests, lest I engage in what objective observers might call “gushing.”

So far, only Nintendo can really claim that crown. It’s motion control innovation in the Wii, followed by its massive sales year after year have turned the industry on its head, and has Microsoft and Sony both scrambling to catch up.

Now both companies are in full swing with their own variants of the tech. Sony’s Move is more or less a more accurate rendition of the Wiimote, with one to one arm tracking via a camera and a glowing ball on a button-filled stick. Microsoft is going one level past that by ditching the controller entirely, creating a tracking system called Kinect which allows players to communicate with their Xbox and its games and features wirelessly using their entire body.

I reached a breaking point with this tech quite early on, during Microsoft’s keynote. Two players were demonstrating the Kinect equivalent of Wii Sports, and two players were about to do a sprint race against each other. Now, an event like this one the Wii would have players furiously shaking their remotes up and down to get their characters to haul ass down the track, but not so with Kinect.

No, both players busted into a full-on sprint in place, furious pounding the stage and jumping decently high into the air whenever they ran into a hurdle. By the end, the guy beat the girl, but both looked utterly exhausted.

This begs the obvious question, if this is what games are becoming, why not just go outside and sprint against your friend down the pavement? The answer is because that is something that no one really wants to do, and therefore I can’t imagine why anyone would want to do the exact same thing in their living room.

But this opens up a broader question about the future of gaming. It’s clear that every console wants to move toward motion controls for even “legitimate” games (ones that don’t have little cartoon Avatars playing fake sports in them). This was demonstrated most notably with Nintendo’s new Zelda adventure, “Skyward Sword,” where players literally pretend their controller is Link’s sword and shield, and must swing and parry like they were actually in a real sword fight.

This trend is probably good for childhood obesity rates, but we have to think about what its impact will be on gaming itself. Surely, companies want people to be playing their titles as much as possible, but while I used to sink in fifty hours to a Zelda game barely even thinking about it, if I have to mime my way through the whole thing, I’m going to have to take a nap every hour or so to keep up.

I have to wonder about when this tech goes fully mainstream in the industry, when all games are controlled by a player’s entire body and 3D makes the experience even more immersive. Surely this is probably at least 5-10 years away when ALL games would follow this format, but I do see that day coming, for better or worse.

What will it do to, or for the industry? Will video games spearhead a physically fit transformation of our nation? Or will gamers get fed up, and turn to good old fashioned television and movies as a leisure activity where you’re still actually allowed to lie on the couch?

I’m not sure, and once this tech hits for all three consoles, I’ll be patiently waiting to see if there’s any sort of backlash associated with it. All the new systems are quite expensive, and all these demos have done nothing to convince me the tech is truly worth buying yet. Make real games, not merely “living room activities” and you might catch my interest. Otherwise, I’ll be on my couch.

First, the wins …

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Photo by Matthew Swain

I cannot overstate how impressive the Nintendo 3DS is. This is a device that, upon first impression, feels unbelievably ahead of it’s time. Some of the technology demos Nintendo is showing off are very surprising in their graphic fidelity and immersive 3D effects.

It’s literally as if an alternate world is hovering in the space before you, framed by this little box in your hands.

The 3DS still features a touch screen, like older DS models, but its top display is specially designed for glasses-free 3D and formatted for widescreen. Gaping-mouth disbelief was the most common response I noted while observing people’s initial reactions as they gazed upon the screen straight on for the first time.

Unfortunately, Nintendo was strongly discouraging photography of the screen — not that it would matter, as almost all currently mass-marketed displays are incapable of replicating this effect. Like the original GameBoy, if looked at from the wrong angle the image breaks apart into fuzzy mess. It also suffered from a little ghosting and image separation on some games, but it was easily solved by turning the 3D down just a bit using a toggle on the unit’s right side.

I played the Ridge Racer tech demo, which felt kind of sluggish and was not as pretty as some of the other real-time renders, but it did allow for basic interaction with a 3D object. I didn’t get a chance to check out Star Fox 64, which is probably the one I’d most like to see, but the demos for Metal Gear Solid: Snake Eater and the original Resident Evil property Capcom is developing were absolutely shocking.

At their press briefing, Nintendo said the 3DS was a more capable system than its predecessor, but they did not specify how much. I can see now why there were rumors circulating that it could be as powerful as Wii. The Resident Evil real-time demo was every bit as buttery smooth as Resident Evil 5 on Xbox 360, with the added amazement of glasses-free 3D. Same for Metal Gear: a little prettier than Snake Eater on PlayStation 2, with some really cool effects and excellent 3D.

Plus, Nintendo is bringing back Kid Icarus, who hasn’t been seen in his own game since the NES, for a big exclusive to the 3DS.

They also announced a number of major 3D content partners in Hollywood and featured 3D film trailers on the show floor. I also spotted old-school NES Zelda and Metroid in a pseudo-3D, where some elements on screen were offset while others stood out, yet the gameplay remained intact. I can imagine Hundreds of old games being mined for 3D gold on this system.

And if that weren’t enough, the device includes a 3D camera. I remarked to a colleague earlier that Nintendo’s inclusion of a 3D camera, if it’s of decent quality, could prove to be as significant as Bluray on PlayStation 3. Decent digital 3D cameras can be quite pricey and most consumers don’t have the computer hardware to display their images. Nintendo is putting both in their hands. There’s no release date just yet, but if they can hit a sub-$300 price point with the 3DS, expect big things.

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Photo by Matthew Swain

The Nintendo media briefing was like a big, wet kiss to anyone who loves video games. It was, in my opinion and those of at least 10 other professional industry-watchers I spoke with, the company’s best E3 showing Ever.

Not only did they have a new console, the big N showed off numerous huge franchises, but they got right into the big one first: The Legend of Zelda.

Link’s return looks to fit a visual style somewhere between Wind Waker and Twilight Princess, with a brightly colored world and a hint of cell shading, but an adult Link who uses his sword in very different ways.

This is where Nintendo’s genius in pioneering Wii motion controls has begun to shine. The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword puts players in direct control of the Master Sword, utilizing the Motion Plus attachment to provide highly accurate movement.

This wasn’t apparent during the briefing, as famed Nintendo producer Shigeru Miyamoto suffered the same fate as Apple’s Steve Jobs during a recent iPhone presentation, when wireless interference wonked out a video chat demonstration. Similarly, Miyamoto had difficulty aiming the Wii cursor and controlling a flying weapon.

When I tried the game for myself, none of these problems were apparent. Link seems to inhabit a watercolor-infused world this time around, and a trailer featured him jumping from a cliff and plunging into thick clouds. Controlling the hero is rather simple, but fighting with true sword movement takes a moment for adjustment. Like all Miyamoto-produced games, it seemed to ease players through the mechanics with a series of natural gameplay moments, teaching as it entertained.

At this moment, it’s my game of the show … But that could definitely change over the next two days.

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Photo by Matt Swain

Photo by Matt Swain

The Sony media briefing was not that interesting. There weren’t many surprises and it dragged on. As a friend mentioned, the Nintendo conference flew by in an instant, but Sony’s got boring and seemed to run on like a Best Director-winner full of Oscar hubris.

(Speaking of which, in one of those odd, only-in-LA moments, Steven Spielberg literally bumped into me at the Nintendo booth. Go figure.)

Still, Sony was not completely without love for their most loyal fans. The room full of gamers erupted into cheers when Portal 2 and a Twisted Metal reboot were announced. I’m for one most excited about Twisted Metal because they’re finally letting the series’ creator, David Jaffe, just do his own thing. The man’s work has always seemed to carry its own strange and subversive sense of humor, so I’m all for it.

And while the Portal announcement was important due to Valve’s rather public panning of the PlayStation 3, what I think got overlooked was their plan to utilize their Steam digital download service on Sony’s console. It was only briefly mentioned, so I’ll try for more information later.

And all of this is good news for Sony, which really did not impress me.

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And now, the fails…

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Photo by Stephen C. Webster

Oh PlayStation Move … I’d mock you if a photo weren’t mockery enough. This contraption is ugly and expensive: $49 for the Move wand with the glowing ball (some games require two), another $29 for the analog attachment (some games require this as well), then you’ve got to buy a PlayStation Eye, which is another $40.

When Sony announced the price for PlayStation Move was just $49, everyone at the briefing collectively gasped. When they announced their scheme to nickel and dime everyone even remotely interested in trying one of their flagrant Wii ripoffs, the room reverberated with groans.

I went to the booth and tried it out, right after spending some quality time on Zelda. There is no question: Sony has more processing muscle and boasts that Move is “more precise” than Wii’s remote, but I couldn’t tell the difference or see how Move is even preferable. This is especially true when one considers, you’re looking at over $240 just so you and a buddy can fight with pseudo-realistic graphics, when it’s not as intuitive as Wii Sports boxing.

Add two of the $29 analogue remotes, required for most games where the player moves in 3D space, plus the $39-59 for a game and you’re well past the price of a PS3. You’ve essentially bought a new console.

All the price hoops consumers have to jump though to enjoy Move with their friends makes me wonder if Sony is hedging its bets on this product.

I ran through some archery, worked up a sweat on their street brawling game and played with a virtual pet. While the graphics were beyond Wii’s range, the motion controls were not and all of Sony’s working concepts have been done and done better by Nintendo. Move is little more than a ripoff, and a seriously clunky one at that. It has a greater chance of success than Microsoft’s Kinect (ugh), but they’re effectively splitting the market by not including it with all future PlayStation 3 units. This is no small upgrade like the Wii Motion Plus.

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Photo by Stephen C. Webster

Sony’s 3D presentation during the briefing and on the show floor failed to impress me. I own a 3D-capable PC and a pair of active shutter glasses for gaming, so this is tech that I’m quite familiar with as a consumer. Sony’s 3D comes up short on depth of field, where an impressive range is very important.

During the briefing, they showed off Killzone 3 in 3D. While the company hopes it will be a “benchmark” for their 3D experience, I’m just hoping they can show depth a little further out than the gun’s barrel. For all their hype about “innovation,” making me wear a pair of polarized 3D glasses at the presser and active shutter glasses to play Gran Turismo 5 was a little disappointing. And seriously, Killzone looked like another generic shooter. Adding “jetpacks” does not make me want to spend $60.

I spoke to a Sony rep about how their stereoscopic 3D will work and was told that PlayStation 3 will display 3D on any 3D-compliant display: meaning, 120HZ monitor owners (like me) are in luck. It’s supposed to work with any 3D shutter glasses as well, but when I inquired specifically about NVidia’s 3D Vision glasses (which I paid $200 for), he couldn’t say if they’re supported or not.

The Sony rep also did not know if the user will be able to adjust the 3D effect, which seemed to be stuck on minimum. Sure, the small depth of field looks cool at first, but not so much if you’ve ever played Need for Speed: Shift or Burnout Paradise on a proper 3D Vision gaming PC. There, users have the option of a scroll wheel that turns image separation up or down. “Maybe that’s in the firmware?” the Sony rep pondered. “I don’t know.”

Still, to game in 3D on PlayStation 3, consumers are looking at a significant investment of time and money: first on research to find a good 3D display, then on figuring out which active shutter glasses to buy. Better (or worse?) yet, one pair of shutter glasses means only one person can appreciate the effect. Add a few more pairs and you’re over $1,000, at least.

It’s just not worth that price.

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If I had to rate the console-makers’ initial E3 offerings, Nintendo easily comes out on top with, let’s say a 9. Sony definitely turned in a strong second: even with all their Wii mimicry, Move has a shot at success if third party developers rally behind it. Microsoft, on the other hand, has been almost universally ragged on this year for their bizarre Sunday program, surprisingly lame Kinect demonstrations and the absurd ploy to buy-off the press with free consoles — but I’ll give their booth a shot to win me over before passing judgment.

Photo illustration by Stephen C. Webster

Today, Microsoft showed off a new slimmed-down version of the Xbox 360 that includes 802.11N wifi support and packs a 250GB hard drive. Then, they pulled an Oprah and announced that everyone attending their briefing would receive the console for free.

Naturally, the crowd went wild.

This would be unethical, in my opinion.

Last night, Microsoft staged one of the most epic fuck-ups in E3 history, packing an exclusive crowd of gaming journalists into a room, forcing them to wear some kind of bizarre space bib while some weird kid climbed Mt. Xbox (seriously — a giant sphere with a glowing green X) and pretended to be controlling an on-screen avatar simply by waiving his arms. Then the Cirque du Solei people came out and did their thing, after which they were all brushed aside while images of happy families apparently having seizures entertained the crowd.

All of it was broadcast on Spike and MTV: a decision that I’ll never really understand. I can’t even imagine how all those Jersey Shore fans reacted to the sight of a thousand adults in cult robes watching muscled men fly around an auditorium.

The whole thing was an infomercial for Microsoft’s new Xbox toy, the Kinect — previously known as Project Natal — which enables gamers to play without controllers. It includes facial recognition software, voice support, video chat, gesture-based menu operation and a system that tracks the users’ body to aid interaction.

This sounds cool, in theory. Problem is, all the games Microsoft showed off are blatant ripoffs of titles already available for Nintendo’s Wii.

(Better yet: Kinect will debut at $149 on Nov. 4, according to a leaked GameSpot flier. If Nintendo drops the Wii’s price by $50, which I suspect they will, consumers seeking motion control gaming experiences won’t exactly have a tough decision on their hands.)

While Microsoft may yet make the device successful, it’s not exactly off to a good start. Sunday night’s event was widely ridiculed as bizarre and uninteresting, meaning most of the gaming press has been very anti-Kinect … Until today, that is, thanks to the thousands of free Slim Xbox 360s — a $300 value.

Yes, Microsoft basically bribed the press.

When I was a newspaper journalist working for a business publication, PR houses would send us free stuff all day, every day. The ethical line was a frequent consideration and lots (I mean LOTS) of gifts were returned to sender.

I do not expect anyone in the gaming press will be refusing their free consoles … Even though virtually everyone already has an older 360 model.

While there is a valid ethical response to accepting the thing — hardware reviews are a vital keystone in the gaming press — the way Microsoft went about their gifting today smacks of bribery and toe-sucking. This is something I LOATHE about the gaming press.

Most of these guys got into the industry because they figured out a way to get video games for free. There are indeed many individuals who cover gaming that are truly passionate about chronicling the rise of this industry, but for every serious professional there are 10 freeloaders jostling for position in front of the PR flacs, who increasingly demand subservient coverage in exchange for pre-release products, advertising dollars and big exclusives.

I did not attend the Microsoft press conference, but were I in the room when the announcement came down, I’d be even more peeved than I am now. A tote bag with a t-shirt and press kit is alright. That’s been my experience with Nintendo and Sony. But, a free console just for showing up? Hmm.

I’ll be interested to see which gaming journalists take the high road and either review the console and return it or outright refuse such an extravagant present on ethical grounds. Bitmob co-founder Dan Hsu, the former editor of EGM and a giant of the gaming press, is one such individual. Immediately after the briefing, Hsu announced he’d be giving away his free console. Good on him. Gaming blog Joystiq is following suit, as well they should.

That is the sort of gaming media you can trust to dish it straigt; like a politician who refuses special interest money, or insists on paying for travel instead of taking a corporate jet.

I’m calling on the real press to treat these free consoles like diseased blankets: note the features for your readers and return to sender or just toss it aside. You already have an Xbox or three. Do not trade integrity for a mere $300.

Independent media should be truly independent, not just an extension of a publisher’s PR department. I hate the cozy relationship between big gaming media and the publishers. For trying to buy off the press, Microsoft just made my list of worst offenders.

Read part one: Love and Hate at Geek Woodstock: The Beginning

If you’ve not experienced the Electronic Entertainment Expo — the video game industry’s largest annual event and indeed the priciest few days put on by the whole of America’s entertainment complex — you don’t really know what it is.

You may have an idea, some hazy image of a beeping, flashing wonder-land of scantily clad models and overweight, sweaty men bumping together in a giant stew full of video game characters … Which is roughly correct.

Of course, there’s more to it than just the tech and parade of bizarre humanity. One can never count out the host city, Los Angeles, to provide more character, grit, grime and malfeasance than any standard combination of high-priced hookers and thousands of well-paid software geeks can even hope to boast of.

Yes, the city presents a quandary for many of us in the Foreign press, forced to fly from places far off into a state most expect to simply break off and fall into the ocean at any moment.

That’s the thing: like many reasonable people before me, I decidedly HATE L.A., and I did not come to the conclusion lightly.

Five years ago was my last visit to L.A. for E3. I’d previously attended in 2004 as the editor of a little gaming Web site called Binary Culture. That’s when I met my staff, who’d been contributing loyally for years out of places like Yonkers, Cincinnati, Tokyo, Miami and spots so obscure even the people who live there dare not utter the names.

The 2004 show, my first time covering E3, was a blur of color and booze. I traveled light and mostly broke, slept on hotel room floors, rebuked a neighborhood crackhead who tried to sell me a pound of beef out of his backpack, went to the PlayStation party at Dodgers Stadium and basically had the time of my life.

E3 the following year was like karmic retribution. I’d pushed my luck too far, coming back for seconds, and the great scales of life ensured my destruction at the hands of a psychotic girl I was completely in love with. Hell, I even proposed to her in the E3 media room, after I’d spent eight hours traveling by bus to locate her wallet, completely missing a full day of the show.

“This must be love,” I told myself. Dumbest moment of my otherwise short life.

We were young and foolish: her, on a bevy of anti-psychotic medications that ran out with two days of the show remaining, and me, trapped in a situation of racked codependency. The Stockholm Syndrome was strong, but I digress.

I’m here, now. Redemption is finally within reach.

This year, E3 is celebrating its 15th anniversary. All rumblings in the professional gaming media indicate that my week is going to be quite busy. I’m expecting a full-on blow-out: the Hurricane Ike of technology … A Geek Woodstock, to be more accurate.

It would follow, then, that my luck has picked up in the years since I last made the show.

No longer attached to my deeply troubled former fiancée, I found myself with a powerful lust for workaholism. In the five years that have passed I built a career, first in newspaper, then magazines and now online. I’ve earned myself a business card the PR flacs can no longer ignore. That means as many free parties, open bars and courtesy dinners as I can handle. That means when I sent an e-mail to Nintendo, they called me back.

As a Geek, I can hardly tell you how cool that feels. It’s as if someone gave me the Knight Rider car for my birthday — except, in this reality, it means a VIP booth tour, an exclusive interview and a demo of the new Legend of Zelda (I hope) sans the five hour line.

Same for Microsoft and Sony, who’ve been much more inviting in 2010 than in 2004 or ‘05. It may help that I now work for a publication owned by Forbes. (Ya think?)

I’ve watched interactive entertainment blossom since my childhood, when many a-day was spent eagerly battling my grandmother on her Atari 2600 and Nintendo Entertainment System. Sonic the Hedgehog was in my clique as a grade school student (who needed Mario anyway?) and I was way down for the Saturn when all my friends were talking up the Nintendo 64. And the Dreamcast! Oh, the Dreamcast.

We’ve come a long, long way since then, but I still love some video games.

I’ve got to imagine that 40 years from now, when my grandkids or other younger family members are fully immersed in a virtual-reality playground, physically interacting with people hundreds of miles away, I’ll regal them about how, in my day, we used to play with a little, yellow puck that ate dots and was chased by ghosts.

I can see their eyes rolling already, like mine did when my father would recount how funny “Laugh In” was as a kid in the late 60s.

Still, there are many things about the industry I hate, like rampant sexism, an emphasis on frequently generic M-rated shooters, too many explosions, too much online-only content, digital rights management, games that don’t work without an Internet connection, game journalists who are happy to suck toes for an exclusive preview/interview/review … And much more.

But as with anything one loves, these are all criticisms from a place of concern. This is an industry which aspires to be so much more than it is today. It always has and always will. I’ve seen gaming go from a niche hobby to the cause célèbre of modern entertainment.

This year, it all changes.

I may hate L.A., and I may have some seriously ugly history in this place, but redemption is always possible: for me, for you and an entire industry still bracing for the Big revolution.

It’s coming, and I’m bringing it to you. Stay tuned.

Read part two: Love and Hate at Geek Woodstock: Microsoft Bribes the Press

I typed in "nerd rage" and this is what Zemanta found.... Image via Wikipedia

It is 2010, and techno-phobes are crying over our youth’s inability to communicate without a machine and somehow we’ve lost the subtle art of conversation.  Social media is more popular than ever, and even the video game industry (from Xbox Live to Steam) has gotten into the online community-building business.

The exact percentage of the US population that plays video games is unclear, but lies between 68%  (the Critical Gaming Project), and 87%  males/ 80%  females (2009 chart from gameindustry.com). The percentage of the population that plays video games online ( chance for addiction increases) hovers around 58% for males, and 42% for females.

According to some Australian researchers, 1 out of 10 gamers is addicted, but I have a hunch that percentage might be higher. My hunch is based off of Cracked.com’s most excellent piece “5 creepy Ways Video Games Are Trying to Get you Addicted“. For those about to scoff at the idea of being addicted to something that “isn’t even real”, David Wong counters with:

Your brain treats items and goods in the video game world as if they are real. Because they are.

If it takes time, effort and skill to obtain an item, that item has value, whether it’s made of diamonds, binary code or beef jerky.

After all, people pay thousands of dollars for diamonds, even though diamonds do nothing but look pretty. A video game suit of armor looks pretty and protects you from video game orcs. In both cases you’re paying for an idea.

If you or your significant other is a gamer, chances are, there is some form of neglect going on in your relationship.

Before I address the right ways to go about approaching  your significant other when you feel they’ve been playing video games for too long, I would first like to address the wrong ways. And while this “How-To” might seem obvious to some, it apparently isn’t when you consider  the magnitude of people using the wrong methods to deal with their video gaming significant others.

THE WRONG WAY TO GET YOUR GAMER’S ATTENTION

1) Destroying your significant others gaming property, from deleting characters to destroying consoles

The internet is littered with  videos of gaming equipment being destroyed by significant others. Despite many internet users proclaiming these videos as fake, the destruction of property in each video is too real (and also could be deemed illegal in some cases). There is a reason these videos are popular – these videos appeal to both the gamer who fears their significant other will do this to their machines, and to the significant other who sympathizes with the person doing the smashing.

Deleting Characters

The most recent video to make the rounds of the internet is “Girl deletes WoW Characters, Dude destroys Computer”

The video begins like any vengeful significant other video, with the girlfriend complaining that her boyfriend ignores her and plays WoW all the time. The girlfriend then deletes the boyfriends very high level characters- which can take any where from days to months to reach depending on play style. At one point, the girlfriend eerily tells the camera which character is his favorite while she deletes it. Even if you haven’t seen your significant other for days, attempting to destroy something they spend many hours on is never the right move. Like the above Cracked.com quote implies, even if you yourself can’t see the value in something doesn’t mean there is none.

As for deleting a WoW character, it is a futile gesture as all characters can be restored after deletion just by contacting Blizzard.  By deleting the character, you show that you do not value your significant other’s time or interests, and that insult is never a good place to start from when you are trying to explain how you feel neglected.

Destroying Consoles

nikitabanana88 has only posted 2 videos to her Break account. One of nikitabanana88 uploads is the infamous “Hot Psycho Chick Destroys Boyfriends Xbox” video:

The above video on Break.com is approaching 2 million views, not counting the multiple duplications on youtube.com. After Nikki’s Xbox video, NikkiandJohn.com was born (her bf hosts all of their pranking videos under his name), and you could say  Nikki is no longer being neglected. Her boyfriend now throws flour on her or  pranks her in other mean-spirited ways every week or so.

I am no relationship counselor, but it seems to me that if you show such lack of respect towards your significant other or their things, you don’t actually respect your significant other, and therefore, cannot ask for any respect in return.

The original uploaded video by Nikki was titled “Crazy Hot Chick smashes Boyfriends Xbox”, but the title was changed (presumably by John as it was reposted on his account) to “Hot Psycho Chick Destroys Boyfriends Xbox”.  The word “Crazy” can imply kooky, like “oh, you so crazy”, but the word “Psycho” has some extremely negative connotations (Norman Bates, any one?).  Happy couple indeed…

–

Another popular video worth mentioning is ”Hot Girl Tells Boyfriend Game Over“. The clip begins with  Tessa explaining how her boyfriend doesn’t spend any time with her. Tessa then busts  in on her boyfriend’s Call of Duty party and attempts to smash his TV with a baseball bat.  The video is typical of the vengeful significant other genre, and it seems both the guy holding the camera and the girlfriend don’t think highly of “nerd culture” (I base this off the dude making fun of the light saber. Oh no you didn’t, crappy camera man!).

The last video in the smashing category that I will touch on  is “Hot Asian Girl Breaks PS3 with a hammer”:

At the very end of the video, the “Hot Asian Girl” screams out what is really bothering her- her boyfriend is playing video games until 3am instead of getting a job and contributing to their collective income.  Whether or not this video is fake, the male gamer still exhibits typical gamer-addicted symptoms.

Instead of responding to his girlfriend’s question, he asks for a drink.  Asking for a drink is a resonable request, right? His request for a drink tells me he’s too absorbed in his game to get his own drink, and he’s probably been thirsty for a really long time. His thirst is stronger than his desire to address his angry girlfriend, but the engaging game has prevented him from getting a drink, or going to bed.  This guy  probably has to pee too, but has been holding it in because he is so absorbed in the game.

The anger displayed by these significant others  is misplaced- but shows they feel that objects are more important to their gamer than they are.

2)Yelling at your significant other while s/he is gaming

Even if the video game isn’t real, it illicits a very real physical response, in the form of emotions. Anger, happiness, satisfaction, frustration, … are all very real emotions and are felt by gamers while they play their video games. Wong did not mention this in his “addiction” article, and while my original attempt at a biochemistry degree does not make me an expert, I feel safe making the claim that video games  trigger adrenalin and endorphins.

If someone was spending an exceptionally large amount of time on FPS (first person shooters), couldn’t they become junkies just through their body chemistry? Why would you ever think it was a good idea to take a hostile action, like yelling,  at someone made tense by video games? Why would you expect a calm reaction, biochemistry aside, when you yourself are yelling? The most natural response to hostility, is…. (drum roll)… more hostility!

I personally don’t play very realistic FPS because I get very absorbed in my video games (zombies and monsters are fine because they are no longer human). I focus, hard. Call me a pansy, but I get very stressed out by realistic FPS games. I joke that I am addicted to the cartoony Team Fortress 2 (I spend any where from 30 minutes to 3 hours playing TF2 a night), and when I’ve been playing for a long time, I am fully integrated into the game- I forget about the world around me.  Even the sound of a telephone ringing is irritating, but having someone yell at me? I want to yell right back.

Take this example of a gamer who was so focused on his game, he killed a kitten when it accidentally disconnected his controller.  Another extreme example of nerd rage is the WoW player that strangled his mother after she yelled at him repeatedly.  (These two instances are not indicative of violent video games causing violence, as this recent study proves the opposite)

I am not suggesting your significant other will punch you should you yell at them repeatedly, but keep in mind, your beloved gamer is already in a hyped up state so don’t be surprised if they meet your aggression with aggression of their own.

Now, I don’t know if the chick in this next video is addicted to video games, but she does exhibit problems separating the virtual world with the physical. Even though she has disconnected from the game, she is still entrapped in the virtual reality- it is still so important to her that she vents her real anger on a physically real object.

Even if she is not an avid gamer (although she shit talks like a mo-fo), she obviously needs what I like to call “cool down time”.  Any gamer knows what I am talking about- if you’ve been playing for a couple of hours and then suddenly quit, you are spacey, and need some time adjusting to communicating in this “real life” reality. A recent study revealed that gamers have reaction times similar to fighter pilots, so give your gamer’s brain some time to adjust gears.

THE RIGHT WAY TO GET YOUR GAMER’S ATTENTION

1) Observe your gamer’s gameplay and choose the time you ask for attention carefully

Disturbing a gamer in the right way while they are fully absorbed is not as difficult as it sounds.   More than likely, your gamer is playing online, and playing with other people. Sure, your gamer can turn off their machine at any time, but if they were to do so, they might anger or disappoint their online friends (who are relying on your gamer in order to complete a task/quest/mission),  or if they haven’t saved recently, all the time they’ve just spent has been for naught. Everything they have been trying to accomplish has just been wasted.  Wait until the mission has been completed, or while they are re-spawning, to make your request for attention.  Make sure you stand off to the side, in your gamer’s peripheral vision, not directly behind your gamer.

Standing directly behind your gamer will not get you noticed, especially if the volume on their headset is high. If you are respectful, chances are, your gamer will notice you before you make your request. Say something like ” Can we go (watch a movie/out for dinner/take a shower together/ insert whatever activity you want to do) when you are done with your mission/task/quest?”

Sometimes it is very difficult to find a good team to play on, and having to abruptly quit once you’ve finally gotten on one can be heartbreaking. Case in point, this little boy who cries when he is made to turn off his console, after just joining a joint session. Try to be understanding of your gamer’s commitment to others.

2)Once you’ve figured out a good moment to interject,  be nice! Crack a joke! Do something sexy!

If your gamer has been playing for a while, bring them a glass of water, or a tasty beverage . Your gamer probably needs it. This nice action will illicit a warm response, and puts you in a positive light for later, when you explain how you feel neglected.

Trying to crack a joke, or making your gamer smile is another great way of getting your gamer’s attention quickly. Making your gamer laugh automatically relaxes them, and puts you in a good position to make your request. I am particularly fond of  this next video, because it reminds me of my  boyfriend (except, I am the “addicted” gamer in the scenario).

Put on a hot outfit, or do something sexy, like give your gamer a massage. Generally, when people are in a tense state, firm strong physical contact is better then tickling or poking.  Start taking off your clothes in front of your gamer (but don’t be a tease!).

3) Once you’ve gotten your gamer away from his/her game, calmly explain your issues with their behavior

Remember, NO YELLING, don’t be mean, and don’t demand changes right away (wait until your gamer apologizes for neglecting you, and then ASK nicely for changes).  Keep your voice calm, and talk about how their gaming behavior effects you personally. Your gamer can deny playing for too long, or being addicted, but they cannot deny how you feel. “I feel like you are neglecting me”/ “I feel like we don’t spend enough time together”/ “I am jealous of your online friends”/ “I feel like you care more about your games than you do me” are all great places to start.

Like this TED Talk “Gaming can make a better world” by Jane McGonigal explains, gamers feel like they are worth more in video games than in real life. Take the time to listen to your gamer, to find out why they have the compulsion to flee reality. Are they unhappy with their job/life/living situation/career choice? Helping them solve their problems in the real world, or just listening to them talk about their real life problems, puts you in a better position to make your “neglected” point.

4) Be willing to compromise; that means playing video games too

If you are not a gamer yourself, take the time to become one, and find games you like. Your gaming significant other has made gaming an essential part of their life, so you should make the effort to find out why. Find out why this is a favorite pastime of theirs.  If you do not like the games they play after a hearty try,  find video games you two both like to  play together. The video games you play together don’t necessary have to be co-op or team based either; My boyfriend and I  currently play Tropico 3 together, and we compare our islands economies and exchange advice.

This is also a great moment to discuss how much time spent playing video games is too much, and be willing to compromise. If your significant other thinks 3 hours of solitary entertainment is needed per night, asking to whittle it down to  2 hours is a reasonable request.

Conclusion:

If you’ve tried the above methods  and you are still being ignored, it is time to face the hard facts. If your gamer is spending more time playing video games alone than spending time with you, your gamer is avoiding you. Take a load off your gamer’s shoulders and break up with them; they clearly don’t have the balls to do it themselves.  Life’s too short to be spent worrying about someone who clearly doesn’t worry about you, or even care about your existence.

There’s a lot to dislike about the feminist movement these days. Between the nonstop hypocrisy and endemic self-victimization, “Hear me roar” has been reduced to “Listen to me whine.” Now, a new first-person shooter game, “Hey Baby,” gives women the opportunity to virtually kill men who sexually harass them. Is this … feminism?

“Ever had one of those seemingly endless days?” the promotional copy for “Hey Baby” teases. “All you want to do is to get home… You’re the last one out of the office. Its getting dark outside…” From the shadows, a man catcalls, “I wanna lick you all over.” What’s a girl to do?

Well, since you’re packing a “a 3′ long .80 caliber machine gun that’s locked and loaded,” you blow his brains out. Apparently, “IT’S PAYBACK TIME, BOYS.” And how. The video game’s cover features a sexy young woman in a short-short white dress tromping down the street with a gun behind her back. In her wake, the streets are awash with blood and the bodies of murdered men.

Initially, some speculated the game was a 4chan hoax designed to make fun of feminists. In fact, the game was created by Suyin Looui and LadyKillas Inc. “I really wanted the violence to be so ridiculous and sort of over the top gory, that people would know that it was a joke,” Looui told NPR. Meanwhile, feminist websites are eating it up, deeming it “revenge therapy.”

Increasingly, so-called feminist activism seems to be dedicated to one of two activities: pointing out all the ways in which women are supposedly victimized by men, and criticizing men. The reason this doesn’t work (or, put another way, “make sense”) is that women are exhibiting the exact same behavior for which they are indicting men. The current feminist credo appears to be: “Women are the only ones allowed to be sexist, and I can be as sexist as I want to be when it comes to men.”

Unfortunately for the ladies, sexism is a two-way street, and if you’re going to act sexist, you better be prepared to be treated in sexist ways. One can only imagine the caterwauling that would have gone up had the gender roles in “Hey Baby” been reversed. The solution is simple. Drop the reverse sexism.

Or, you know, take it like a man.

[Salon]

If Gordon Freeman gets dialogue, Hugh Laurie is your man...but I also wouldn't be opposed to Robert Downey Jr as the crowbar-wielding physicist

Over the weekend, a post appeared on Josh Whedon’s “Official Facebook page” implying Whedon was talking with Valve over a Half Life movie.  The internet became excited (no one questioned the outlet for this breaking news ?), and predictably, the Official Facebook page was a dud. This isn’t the first time rumors of a Half- Life movie have hit the internet.

Back in 2006, GameSpot ran a post called “Tarantino to direct Half-Life movie?”

While making preliminary plans for their annual sojourn into the deafening neon inferno that is E3, GameSpot editors spoke with a person who has many contacts within the Los Angeles film industry. The person in question said that the hot game-movie crossover project du jour was Half-Life, Valve Software’s groundbreaking shooter.

Furthering the hoax, 6 months later someone took it upon themselves to create a teaser-trailer for this fake Half- Life movie, viewable here. Three years later, The Purchase Brothers created some very impressive short films based off the Half-Life universe,  impressive enough to catch  Valve’s attention.

Various blogs have written about the creation of a Half-Life movie, and just recently Empire Online named Gordon Freeman the greatest video game character of all time, over Mario or Master Chief. Even GameSpot readers from a poll last year think Gordon Freeman is a better hero  than Mario (though the voting results could be due to Valve announcements).  By all accounts, a Half-Life inspired- movie makes sense and I am dying for some modern action movies where the people of Earth kick some serious alien ass  in an “Aliens” sort of way.

Psst…Hollywood, please don’t make another Prince of Persia movie, or any other movie where we continue to offend those in the Persian Gulf. Stick with invaders from outer space, ok? At least until the Middle East and Asia cool their war jets.

Talented? Sure. An athlete? Far from it

There are a number of people in the gaming community that would argue that top pro players have tuned their bodies and reflexes to such a degree, they should be considered on par with actual athletes. With the amount of coordination and speed that goes into professional play, I can see how this claim might be made, unfortunately, when put to the test, it turns out it’s pretty far from true.

Dr Dominic Micklewright, from the University of Essex, put several ”elite cyber-sportsmen” through their paces to see how they compared to professional athletes.

The head of Sport, Performance, and Fatigue Research Unit also wanted to determine whether video gaming should be classed as a sport.

The cyber-sportsmen had mental sharpness and psychological traits comparable to ‘real’ athletes, and reacted to visual stimuli almost as fast as fighter jet pilots.
But their fitness levels were shockingly low and comparable to people either much younger or much older than their actual age.

One of the test subjects appeared to be a healthy and trim individual, but when put to the test, he had the lung function and fitness rankings of a smoker in his sixties. The reason for this should be pretty obvious. Though mental and hand dexterity are off the charts for pro gamers, there is nothing about gaming at all that is actually exercise for more than one or two parts of the body, unless you happen to be a professional Dance Dance Revolution champion.

The researchers agreed that high level gaming requires a great deal of physical and mental skill, like pro sports, but because of what’s actually demanded of the gamer’s body, there’s nothing that gets them anything remotely close to being in good shape, and because of their sedentary lifestyle, are actually far less healthy than an average active person their age.

The moral of the story? Buy a Wii.

Just kidding. Go outside.

[via Telegraph]

Olivia Munn hams it up for the nerds: Image via Wikipedia

Naming the most public female representatives of geek (or “nerd”, what ever word you prefer) culture is easy: Olivia Munn from G4TV’s “Attack of the Show“, Jessica Chobot from IGN, and Felicia Day from The Guild. All three ladies are excellent in pandering to their horny male fan base, and each of these ladies can attribute their success on their attractiveness (yes, they are smart too, but we’ll get to that later).  If you’ve got it, flaunt it right?

Olivia Munn had a few bit parts as an actress in various TV shows before she was signed on to “Attack of the Show” ,  and her “tasteful” appearance in Play Boy, combined with her dressing up as slave Leia, cemented her status as one of the hottest geeky girls. Munn has admitted video games are her weak point, but no one has called her a faker yet, and she hasn’t received any backlash for it (unlike former youtube sensation ultraneko).  Munn just tried out for The Daily Show, did an excellent job, and judging by her performance she is also bilingual, so that makes her a favorite in my book.

Jessica Chobot’s rise to fame is based exclusively on a picture of her licking a PSP. The picture made the rounds on the internet, and Jessica Chobot was hired by IGN to be their female host for their web-based “IGN Daily Fix“.  I want to dislike her, because licking a gaming console is so easy, but Jessica Chobot likes manga and anime, plays PC games with a headset, writes on the show she hosts, and a recent tweet reveals she likes Mark Twain, so all is forgiven, Jessica.

Felicia Day has been around as an actress for years now (was even in Buffy the Vampire Slayer!), but every gamer now knows who she is based off of  The Guild’s 9-million-plus-hits musical video “Do You Wanna Date My Avatar”. Felicia Day is also a writer, so again, her prancing around in a skimpy outfit doesn’t bother me in the slightest.

But Fruzsi, these ladies used their sex appeal to get famous! Shouldn’t you, as a feminist (or Humanist, because “feminism” is now a tainted, dirty word), get angry over this? Well, these three women make better role models for young girls than say, every model out there, or every Hollywood actress that didn’t go to college and takes vapid roles (*cough* Megan Fox *cough* I kid! She was believable in “How to Lose Friends and Alienate People“).

First and foremost, each of the women listed above have proven their intelligence, as their jobs require them to be intelligent. These ladies are not just pretty faces, thankfully.

Second, these ladies are OLD when you compare them to the rest of the industry. Felicia Day is thirty years old. Jessica Chobot is thirty three years old.  Olivia Munn is going to turn thirty next month. If you are 21 years old, you are considered too old to be a model, unless you are already a big name star like Heidi Klum.   My short modeling career (runway) happened when I was 14, which wasn’t abnormal (I left because the industry was too sexual, but I am a freak like that, a decision I somewhat regret today).

Third, these ladies look fit, and therefore endorse a more positive body image for females. Each of the listed females actually look like they can do some damage.  If Olivia Munn wanted to fight off an attacker, save her pet from a burning building,  or lift a package that weighed more than 20 pounds, she could. Olivia Munn looks more like a superhero than most females in the entertainment industry (not as much as Super Obama Girl though, I believe her kicks could knock opponents out). Felicia Day and Jessica Chobot both look like capable humans, not like the average anorexic looking twigs that comprise most of the entertainment industry. There is also no danger of these three women committing suicide any time soon.

I can wax and wane about how a woman’s intelligence should be enough to get her noticed, but we don’t live in a perfect world so I’m not going to go there – that is well trodden territory.  For you ladies out there looking for some female video game representatives that don’t use their sex appeal, Leigh Alexander is an excellent video game columnist and Kristen Perez of Game Meets Girl is quirky and fun.  The recently created d20 girls, a project that stresses the use of real female gamers that come in all shapes and sizes, is also refreshing and worth checking out/getting involved with.