Cure Your Video Game Addiction for a Mere $14,500

"Just...one...more...raid!"

The first U.S. internet addiction center has opened, and will hopefully be less intense than the intensive Chinese programs that literally will beat you to death for non-compliance. So what exactly is the curriculumn for reStart, the Fall City (WA) based program to cure you of your internet cravings? Let’s take a look:

Life Coaching:

Founded upon Dave Ellis’ Leadership Skills for Life program titled “Human Being,” participants in the Internet Addiction Treatment program begin each day with a personal discovery session. Group work focuses on the “Power Processes” which fosters an understanding of what participants want out of life by examining choices, focusing attention, looking for answers, contributing and defining one’s own personal values and charting their life purpose. This very comprehensive life curriculum assists participants in improving their lives. Group work consists of journaling and self-discovery exercises meant to examine and vision a life filled with greater meaning and fulfillment.

More Life Coaching:

Each afternoon at mid-day, participants join together in reviewing the basic components of launching a productive and fulfilling life. Topics of discussion include the core basics, such as: good nutrition, balanced eating, developing better sleep habits, and making healthy lifestyle choices. Participants actively engage with the indoor and outdoor environment taking care of the property and animals, cooking meals, doing their own laundry, meal planning and shopping, budgeting, and financial planning.

Career Training:

Guest speakers visit the retreat center to share highlights of various career choices and opportunities. Trained professional staff teach young people various hands-on trade skills in the field of construction, landscaping, and household repairs. Participants spend time in work therapy programs designed to build stamina, increase strength and foster resilience.

Hah, that’s awesome. They make you do actual outdoor work. I would have voted for “soccer” instead of “landscaping,” but I suppose outdoors is outdoors and strength building is strength building. In addition to these methods, they also have group therapy, one-on-one therapy and a 12-step internet addiction recovery program. And all it costs you (or your extremely understanding  insurance provider) is $14,500. But wait, you say, I’m on the internet all the time! Could I be addicted?

Well take this handy survey to find out:

Signs & Symptoms of Computer & Internet/ Gaming Addiction

• Increasing amounts of time spent on computer and internet activities

• Failed attempts to control behavior

• Heightened sense of euphoria while involved in computer and internet activities

• Craving more time on the computer and internet

• Neglecting friends and family

• Feeling restless when not engaged in the activity

• Being dishonest with others

• Computer use interfering with job/school performance

• Feeling guilty, ashamed, anxious, or depressed as a result of behavior

• Changes in sleep patterns

• Physical changes such as weight gain or loss, backaches, headaches, carple tunnel syndrome

• Withdrawing from other pleasurable activities

How’d you do? Well according to reStart, 3-4 yes answers suggest abuse, 5 or more you and you’re an internet dope fiend. Despite being a blogger who literally spends all day online, I only scored a two, saying yes to “increasing amounts of time spent” and “heightened sense of euphoria” while on the internet. No, that is not referencing looking at internet porn, despite that being exactly what it sounds like.

I don’t know, I’ve never really understood the physical and mental issues that were associated with addiction like this. Like I got way too obssessed with a certain video game for a few months (Diablo II), playing for eight hours a day to the point where I was neglecting everything else. But what did I do? Spend $45,000 to get rehabbed via a life coach and landscaping? No, I uninstalled the game, broke the CD in half, and went outside. Cold turkey. Anyone who can’t do the same I view as weak. If I can do it, you can too.

*the Tassi addiction quitting technique does not apply to drugs, sex or alcohol, use at your own discretion.