TMNT Against Sotomayor!

The current scene outside the Capitol.

A different kind of protest has come to Capitol Hill this afternoon in the wake of Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor’s controversial comments on her second day of questioning. The remarks can be seen here:

Her hardline “anti-nunchuck” position has come under fire from a small group of individuals that can best be described as walking, talking turtles. They’ve put police on edge as they’ve shown up on the steps of Capitol Hill wearing masks and brandishing a wide array of weapons, including the nunchucks in question. As I happened to be in the area, I managed to ask a few questions of their leader, who identifies himself as “Michelangelo.”

Double Kill: Why are you out here today?

Michelangelo: I will not sit idly by as a Supreme Court justice is sworn in who wants to take away my beloved nunchaku.

DK: Why such strong feelings about this issue, what do nunchucks mean to you?

MA: Do you know how many members of the Foot Clan I’ve knocked out with these things? (waves nunchucks around) If it wasn’t for them, we’d be saluting President Shredder right about now!

DK: I see.

MA: And what’s next? If they take my nunchaku, will they outlaw Leonardo’s katanas or Raphael’s sai?

DK: Um, I’m pretty sure you’re already not allowed to bring those out in public already. Hence, why we’re surrounded by SWAT teams.

MA: This is blatant discrimination against mutant vigilantes and if she wants my nunchaku, she can pry them from my three dead cold fingers!

At this point I was rushed away by police and I heard them shouting into their radios that a large rat had just shown up carrying a dozen boxes of pizza. I must have misheard.

I’ve just been informed that the White House’s official comment on the scene is that they “don’t negotiate with any terrorist groups, be they ‘teenage,’ ‘mutant,’ ‘ninja’ or any other such classification.”

Hopefully this conflict gets resolved peacefully, and we can have a Supreme Court justice that respects humans and giant, mutant, martial arts practicing turtles alike.