Warner Bros. wants you to torture a woman to death
Today, my friend Xeni Jardin, co-editor of Boing Boing, forwarded me an email from Orna Pickens, a senior publicist at Warner Bros. The subject header read, “One, Two…. Freddy’s Coming for You.” The body of the email was short: “Caffeine pills, self mutilation, a cold shower — what will you do to keep her awake?” And then there was a link.
The link is keepherawake.com, and it takes you to a website, where you will find an attractive, young blond waiting for you to keep her awake. How’re you going to do that? She keeps yawning. She’s sooo sleepy.
It’s going to be a long night, so you start with something light. You click an icon and her alarm clock rings. You make her jump up and down on her bed in her underpants. You get her to read a book. But that’s no fun, right? Maybe you’re a little bored.
You put her in the shower, naked, natch, where the camera wanders across her body. You make her do jumping jacks and watch her boobs bounce in that very tight T-shirt she’s wearing. Still, there’s something missing. Isn’t there something else you can do? Something, say, more … fun?
You decide to apply more aggressive methods. You click the switchblade icon, and she picks up a knife. As you watch, she cuts herself in the side with it, gasping. Hm, not bad, you think. You try another. You click the icon that looks like a lighter, and she picks it up. You look on while she burns her arm, trembling in agony. If you’d known torture was this easy, well …
Unfortunately, now you’ve run out of tricks, and it seems your options are more limited than 18 U.S.C. § 2340. Don’t you hate it when that happens? Slowly, she falls asleep. Suffice to say, in the end, she dies. Too bad all your torturing couldn’t, er, save her.
Don’t worry! It’s not all for naught. You can kill her all over again, or, better yet, show off your torturing expertise by posting how effective your torture session was on your Facebook page. And they said social networking was good for nothing.
Of course, you’ve just been suckered, and the whole thing is a promotion Warner Bros. concocted in connection with the upcoming release of “A Nightmare on Elm Street,” a “re-imagining” of the 1984 movie in which Freddy Krueger, a serial killer who wears a glove with knives for fingers, kills people in their dreams so they die in reality.
Surely, these days, studios like Warner Bros. will do whatever it takes to fill theater seats. Don’t let the guys at Guantanamo Bay have all the fun! the thinking must have been. Everyone can be a torturer. It’s the American way.
Update: As of 9 p.m. PST, Warner Bros. appears to have removed the game and replaced it with a trailer for “A Nightmare on Elm Street.” [Boing Boing]