The inherently truthful fly-fishing guide

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Those occasions in the past when I was fortunate enough to fly fish with a guide, I stuck to my standard rule — “Do everything he/she says, as accurately as you can, as quickly as you can” — and I was lucky, because I can’t recall ever having a lazy, uncaring, or incompetent fly guide.

Such anomalies are out there, however. Kirk Deeter, writer of the “Fly Talk” blog over at Field & Stream on-line, culled together some of his favorite statements by such semi-pros. Guides actually spoke all of these statements to clients, which is truly hilarious, in-and-of-itself. These are the best:

Guide: “It’s really nice that you and your mom like to fish together.” (“Mom” was the client’s wife of 35 years.)

* * *

Guide: “You cast like Mozart.” Client: “A Maestro!?!” Guide: “No, a dead guy.”

* * *

Guide: “Hold my beer while I net this fish for you.”

* * *

Client (after a fish sinks the strike indicator* like it was flushed down a toilet): “Did a fish eat that fly?” Guide: “Yes, but he also pooped it out… you’re that slow.” (Actually, under certain circumstances, an aspiring guide should say this…the point is usually well taken.)

* * *

Client (a jerk, with 20-inch trout thrashing at the end of his line): “What should I do to land this fish now?” Guide: “Dunno… after fishing with you all day, I’m rooting for the trout.” (I might actually be guilty of this particular infraction… it’s a long, complicated story…)

Deeter ends his post with this:

You might note that I left one simple phrase off the list: “I don’t know.” Because the truly seasoned and self-confident guide is never afraid to tell the truth. And the real truth is, even the best guide doesn’t have all the answers all the time. “I don’t know, but I’ll do my best to figure it out,” or “I don’t know, but we won’t get beat for lack of effort” goes a heck of a lot further in my book than do B.S. bravado and cheap theories. The water never lies. Nor do the fish. No matter what, a guide shouldn’t either.

Hearing the words “I don’t know” from a lot of professionals would be refreshing, wouldn’t it? We live in an age when you’ve got to have an expert-sounding quip ready for your sound-bite moment. Producers and the public don’t like “I don’t know” responses, but I would much rather hear one from fishing guides or Army generals when it’s the truth.

While you’re on the F&S page, you might want to check out images of the pending new world-record eel pout. Isn’t that beast gorgeous? Some upper Midwesterners and Canadians are crazy about them, and put in hours and hours on frozen lakes to nab them.

It’s worth it: eel pout are freshwater cod, of sorts, and are most tasty.

via Deeter: Top 10 List of Things Guides Should Not Say | Field & Stream.

*A strike-indicator is something like a fly fisher’s bobber. It’s a small piece of brightly colored foam that is pinched onto the fly line to indicate a fish’s strike when you’re casting sub-surface flies, or flies that go deep. Purists hate them, and consider them both cheating and a sign of inability on the part of the angler.