On Women, Assertiveness and Social Media
NYU professor and consultant Clay Shirky seems to have hit a nerve with his blog post “A Rant About Women.” It’s not really what it sounds like – Shirky isn’t complaining about women, rather, he’s explaining how they tend to be more modest about their accomplishments, and thus, miss out on opportunities for recognition or advancement.
It’s certainly not a novel observation; many people pointed out in the comments section that it would take about 10 seconds of Googling to discover pages upon pages dedicated to making women more assertive in the workplace.
But what struck me about Shirky’s post is that, despite being an expert on social networks and technology, his assessment was curiously absent of any mentions of generational shifts brought on by social media – the ultimate realm of self-promotion.
Shirky starts off his “rant” by noting that a former student who’d asked him to write a letter of recommendation wrote up a rough draft for Shirky to consider; it was so over-the-top with praise that Shirky had to tone it down before signing off on it. This, he argues, could only happen with a male student. This was amusing to me because only a week ago, I was in the same situation, and was asked to write my own letter of recommendation for a former colleague/editor, who is also a professor, to sign. He told me that the only way he’d change it was if I didn’t speak highly enough of myself. Let me tell you, that was not a problem. I gave myself a lofty, ecstatic evaluation, and voila! – he put his name on it.
It wasn’t until Shirky told of a female professor who finally, after seeing a request from a magazine writer, suggested her own work for praise in the publication, that I saw the generational disconnect. Once she spoke up, she got the story. It’s this kind of self-promotion and media savvy that I believe comes much easier to 20-somethings today. Self-promotion has morphed into something not just practiced in business and academics; it’s a full-blown pastime. Before we’re ever required to write cover letters or submit work samples, we’re already telling the world what our favorite movies, quotes and books are; bragging through photo slideshows about what we did over the weekend or vacations we took; and besting one another in quizzes or games.
Perhaps social media savvy, for some, is just a way to circumvent a lack of aggression or assertiveness in face-to-face interactions; but even so, it’s a tool that didn’t exist a decade ago. Yes, I have melted down when confronted in person by a male superior. Yes, I hesitate before displaying any sort of behavior that would make me come off, as Shirky puts it, an “arrogant self-aggrandizing jerk;” but I am certainly not, as he also suggests, incapable of being a “self-promoting narcissist[], anti-social obsessive[], or pompous blowhard[], even a little bit, even temporarily, even when it would be in [my] best interests to do so,” and I have the Internet to thank for that.
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Studies of a person’s attitudes about his/her personal abilities have shown that there are two groups who think highly of themselves: Those who really are that good, and those who are so incompetent that they can’t tell the difference. When I encounter someone making such claims, I will always cross check with other references to make sure this isn’t some idiot pretender.
In general, those with less than glowing praise of themselves were usually pretty accurate. I wonder if there is some form of social push among women in the workplace to try and be “honest” about their abilities.
**Sigh**
Generational differences or not, I fear that women who self-promote are far more likely to be seen in a negative light vs. men doing the same thing. It’s the old double-standard: when men do it they are perceived as competent and hungry. When women do it, they are narcissistic, step on anybody to get ahead bitches. With a few notable exceptions, it’s been my experience that women are far less likely to sell out their subordinates and take all the credit for a project well done.
I’d love to see a corresponding study on pay equity between men who self-promote and women who also self-promote. I’ll bet you anything that there will still be a disparity in favor of men for the same work.
WOW! You hit the nail on the head with this one. As you said, stories about women being less assertive are a dime a dozen, but I never really thought about the incongruity with social media. You’re exactly right. I consider myself much more conflict/aggression-averse in face to face situations but completely comfortable using social media to assert myself. Instead of liquid courage, it’s Internet courage!
[...] January 22nd, 2010 Is social media helping younger women become more assertive about getting ahead in the workplace? That’s the interesting argument that True/Slant’s Sara Libby makes in a recent post. [...]