I’m Tall, I’ve Got No Worries

Image by quinn.anya via Flickr

OR: Short People Got No Reason To Live

I’m average height, so, no, that headline isn’t smug, thank you very much. It simply refers to a new study from the journal Evolutionary Psychology. I’m not sure how much we should trust this journal, given that Jesus created the world over a long weekend while riding a dinosaur across the sky, but let’s give it a shot, shall we?

UK professor of psychology Gayle Brewer finds that tall men appear to be much more at ease in their relationships than men of, shall we say, lesser stature.

Here’s the abstract (and here’s a link to the paper [PDF]):

Male height is associated with high mate value. In particular, tall men are perceived as more attractive, dominant and of a higher status than shorter rivals, resulting in a greater lifetime reproductive success. Female infidelity and relationship dissolution may therefore present a greater risk to short men. It was predicted that tall men would report greater relationship satisfaction and lower jealousy and mate retention behavior than short men. Ninety eight heterosexual men in a current romantic relationship completed a questionnaire. Both linear and quadratic relationships were found between male height and relationship satisfaction, cognitive and behavioral jealousy. Tall men reported greater relationship satisfaction and lower levels of cognitive or behavioral jealousy than short men. In addition, linear and quadratic relationships were found between male height and a number of mate retention behaviors. Tall and short men engaged in different mate retention behaviors. These findings are consistent with previous research conducted in this area detailing the greater attractiveness of tall men.

Why might this be? Here’s Brewer’s explanation (citations omitted):

Both tall and short men are at risk of cuckoldry, however the greater desire for tall partners and heightened female preference for tall men during the fertile phase of the menstrual cycle or when selecting short term partners suggest that shorter men should be more alert to the risk of their partner’s infidelity or the presence of male rivals than tall men. An increased propensity to experience jealous cognitions (suspicion) or to act on these concerns (jealous behaviors) may be adaptive for short men, reducing the risk posed by specific threats. These cognitions and behaviors may be less advantageous for tall men, for whom the risk (of cuckoldry or desertion) may be lower and for whom an increased physical attractiveness could increase the likelihood that a desirable alternative mate could be obtained. These findings further demonstrate the manner in which evolved psychological mechanisms (i.e. jealousy) may interact with functionally relevant individual differences (i.e. height) to affect the expression of behavior.

So, what are these short-guy mate-retention behaviors, and how do they differ from tall guys’ attempts to hold onto a mate? You’ve got to love this sentence:

Tall men were less likely to use appearance enhancement or love and care to retain a partner but were more likely to employ vigilance, monopolization of time and jealousy induction.

Got that? Tall guys are less likely to employ “love and care” to keep a mate — but they will monopolize a woman’s time and try to make her jealous. Ouch. Meanwhile, love and care and attempts at appearance enhancement are all short guys have to hang onto.

Maybe it’s like they say: Short people got nobody to love.