Northeastern drops less than stellar ‘Football Department’

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Oh no no no no NO! Another blow to Higher Learning!

In a stunning announcement — privately delivered to players Sunday night and publicly announced Monday — Northeastern said it was dropping football.

via Instead of Firing Coach, Northeastern Ends the Program | The New York Times.

Yes. The horror. Will Northeastern be able to keep its accreditation, now that it has no FOOTBALL? This is the question that is haunting all of academia.

And what is the student reaction? Northeastern scholar Lloyd Clarke, a football major with a concentration in fullback, wins the evening:

Clarke said that he was going to make the best of the situation. “I’m going to get my grades up now, get the most out of Northeastern,” he said.

Slow down, Lloyd! You could always take up another sport. For Pete’s sake, do you really have — nay, want — time for “learning” in college?

No. The answer is simply “no.”

And the moral of this story is: Drop your football program. You will save at least $4 million dollars, which can then be spent on your championship lacrosse team.

COLLEGE SPORTS. MMMMMMMM.