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Jul. 10 2010 — 11:27 am | 225 views | 1 recommendations | 4 comments

University of Texas ALMOST doesn’t want its dormitory named after a Klansman

After years (?) of hemming and hawing, of “we’ll consider it,” of LET’S NOT BE HASTY HERE PEOPLE, the University of Texas at Austin might, just might, change the name of a dormitory named after a former professor and KKK Grand Cyclops (made that “Grand Cyclops” part up. He was probably just a nobody Kleagle.) Behold:

The University of Texas at Austin is one step closer to removing the name of a Ku Klux Klan leader from a dormitory on the campus. According to an announcement today, the university’s president, William Powers Jr., endorsed the recommendations of a review panel and will recommend to the Board of Regents that the building, Simkins Residence Hall, be renamed Creekside Dormitory. The 55-year-old building was named for William Stewart Simkins, a law professor at the university in the early 20th century and former organizer for the Klan.

via Klan Leader’s Name Should Be Dropped From Dorm, U. of Texas President Says | The Ticker | Chronicle of Higher Education.

Ha ha. Well it is really great to know the University of Texas is taking all the necessary steps before deciding on something so difficult and controversial. We look forward to the final decision, in ten years, after it is tabled by the Board of Regents and goes back to the Ad Hoc Subcommittee On Renaming Dormitories Named After KKK MEMBERS for further review, for the 1,000th time.



Jun. 18 2010 — 10:49 pm | 115 views | 1 recommendations | 3 comments

Fancy FBI degrees now available (while supplies last!)

Hello sad Facebook Patron: Would you like a B.A. in KICKING ASS? You would? Oh cool & what a huge coincidence because right now we’re offering “degrees to become Police, FBI, SWAT.” Not what you’re looking for? We also have degrees to become Fireman, AARP, NASCAR. Financial aid is totally available! Just imagine: You could “become FBI” in as little as 18 months! THAT’S SO SOON FROM NOW.

This is maybe worse than “Go to Grad School for Homeland Security!”



Jun. 17 2010 — 8:46 pm | 42 views | 1 recommendations | 1 comment

Universities research ‘Oil Spill: Good or Bad?’ with ‘fast-track’ BP funding

AND THEY SAID BP DIDN’T CARE! Ha, well whoever said that is a bit of a cocksucker, because BP just announced that three lucky universities have been awarded a total of TWENTY-FIVE MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS to study “the distribution, composition and ecological interactions of oil and dispersant.” Oh Tony, it’s about time you used that sexy Hugh Grant twang to woo America’s academics, aka, “the small people with PhDs”:

“It is vitally important that research start immediately into the oil and dispersant’s impact, and that the findings are shared fully and openly,” said BP chief executive Tony Hayward. “We support the independence of these institutions and projects, and hope that the funding will have a significant positive effect on scientists’ understanding of the impact of the spill.”

via Three Gulf Research Institutions to Receive First Round of $500 Million Funding | BP PRAVDA/PRESS RELEASE.

What Tony Hayward wants to understand is, “Perchance there is a way we could maybe unspill this oil?”

America’s brightest academics will soon find out! Thank you for supporting Higher Learning, BP.



Jun. 8 2010 — 1:27 pm | 69 views | 1 recommendations | 4 comments

Come hither Ph.D., online poker awaits thee!

Jobs. We all want them but often times they don’t want us, because who are we, anyway? It’s a completely different story if you have a Ph.D., of course. When you become a Doctor of Philosophy, well … it’s as if the entire world is at your fingertips, waiting impatiently for you to dip it in chocolate and gobble it up. One such Doctor, “Elena Stover,” learned this the easy way:

[W]hen Elena Stover finished her doctorate in September, she headed to the poker tables. Frustrated with the limited opportunities and grueling lifestyle of academia, Stover, 29, decided to eschew a career in cognitive neuroscience for one playing online poker. She got the idea from a UCLA career counselor, who was trying to help her find employment.

via After 6 years to get Ph.D., some graduates back at square one | Alana Semuels | KansasCity.com.

YOU CAN’T BE A TENURE-TRACK INTERNET GAMBLER UNLESS YOU HAVE A PH.D. OKAY? It’s called j-o-b s-e-c-u-r-i-t-y.



Jun. 3 2010 — 10:46 am | 70 views | 1 recommendations | 9 comments

Let’s say something nice about Forbes, Part II

Maybe you’ve heard and maybe you haven’t, but True/Slant (the webpage you are reading right now) was recently gobbled up by Forbes, which means I will be fired for sure. OR WILL I? Presenting: Let’s Say Something Nice About Forbes, Part II …

Forbes isn’t just a successful company that makes lots of money: It’s also a Clan, from Scotland! They have a castle in Aberdeenshire.

Tomorrow, Part III!


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    I am currently Wonkette's man-strumpet/gossip columnist. Assuming nothing catastrophic happens in the next two semesters, I will graduate from Wheaton College in May, 2010 -- no, not from the nutty Christian jihad Wheaton. The other one, the one you've never heard of, in Massachusetts.

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