Tag Team Obscenity: Jackson/Timberlake vs. Grassley/LaTourette

The 2004 Super Bowl.

Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson are finishing up a half-time number when Justin reaches in to pull off a little wardrobe maneuver on his singing partner. We all know what happened then. The most famous wardrobe malfunction of all time left one of Ms. Jackson’s breasts momentarily exposed to the full viewership of the Super Bowl.

The FCC freaked, hitting CBS with a $550,000 fine despite the fact that CBS had no way of knowing this was going to happen. According to Jackson and Timberlake, there was nothing planned about it. It was a… malfunction. Was it planned? I suspect we will never know.

But here’s what we do know. During this past week, we’ve heard language on television that could get a rise from the most salty of sailors. Was the offending language uttered by an entertainer? No. Maybe on Family Guy?

No, the origin of all this video obscenity came directly from the floor of the United States Congress.

While Janet Jackson may have shown a forbidden body part on TV, Senator Charles Grassley suggested that the public was tired of corporations sucking on that precise body part. And what did the FCC, those heroic protectors of public taste and sensibility have to say about Grassley’s comments? Nothing. Not one word. Children and old folks throughout America were exposed to this language as broadcast and cable news ran the tape endlessly. But nothing from the FCC.

So, why did Janet Jackson’s visual exposure initially cost CBS $550,000 while Grassley got to titillate at no charge?

And it wasn’t over yet. Later in the week, up to the podium in the United States House of Representatives stepped Ohio Rep. Steve LaTourette (I swear that’s his real name.) LaTourette is the guy in this picture with the beard.

Rep. LaTourette  treated us to the following:

Ross Perot, when he ran for president in 1992, talked about the giant sucking sound. Well, today there’s another giant sucking sound going on in Washington, D.C. And that’s the tightening of sphincters on both ends of Pennsylvania Avenue as people are having to explain who put into the stimulus bill this provision of law.

Yuck! I can tell you I was feeling a little puckerish down there myself when, once again, not a word was heard from the FCC or anyone else for that matter.

Where was Congressman Sensenbrenner? This is the man who responded to the Jackson malfunction by suggesting that people who commit obscenities on TV should be charged with a criminal offense? Come on, Congressman…where’s the outrage (that is the 905,847,879th time the word “outrage” has been used in the past seven days)? Step up, Sensenbrenner! America is counting on you – unless, of course, you feel that only comedians and singers should be jailed  for uttering obscenities on television while senators and congressmen should be immune.

I should tell you that the heavy fine lodged against CBS for the Janet Jackson affair was overturned by a Federal Appeals Court last year. Still, for the FCC and a multitude of others in government to get all in a tizzy when Ms. Jackson treats us to a rather pleasant experience only to stay silent when Representative LaTourette’s words actually managed to gross me out, it just doesn’t seem right.

I say we should all send an email to the FCC asking them to pursue the cases of Grassley’s sucking preferences and LaTourette’s twisting of colons everywhere.

Come on! Whose with me? Let’s get smut off the floor of the United States Congress and send it back to the Senate Cloakroom where it belongs.

Images via Wikipedia