Mike Hess

Mike Hess

Hard Boiled


My Stats

Contributor since:January 2009

About Me

Oysters. Bone Marrow. Spanish hams. Fish tacos. Shanghai soup dumplings. Sea urchin. Summer tomatoes still warm from the sun. There, my favorite foods are out of the way. To cut to the chase, food is in my genes. My father, grandfather and great grandfather were butchers. I've cooked for fun and pay since I can remember, helping out at my dad's catering company/butcher shop and eventually the catering wing of Zagat's highest-rated restaurant in the country (you've never heard of it). Why am I not a chef or caterer? I'm just too much of a pansy. I didn't want the hours/heat/instability to ruin my love for cooking, so now it's pure recreation. Since ditching the chef idea, I've written for many major news networks and magazines, spanning everything from a blood-soaked Marine invasion into Fallujah to Britney Spears' underwear (lack of, actually) to properly sourcing pork. I hope to share the deliciousness of life with you. Also, pancakes suck.



I'm Known For...

Speed, emotion, an undying love of punk rock and hip-hop and passionate bursts of cynicism

My Current Project

Maintaining sufficient forms of employment

My Greatest Achievement

Smoking a cigar and drinking a 40 in the vacant office of a bad boss on my final day of employment. Not you, Lewis.

My Biggest Regret

Not spending more time in my dad's butcher shop while it was still in business

I Truly Respect

People with the balls to do whatever they want

Moments I'd Like To Forget

The time I took money out of my dad's cash register to go buy baseball cards when I was 14. Sorry, dad.

Blocks I've Been Around

The media titans in Rockefeller Center

Where I'd Like To Be 10 Years From Now

On a farm in Spain, surrounded by puppies, rabbits, Iberico ham, Cabrales blue cheese and wine.

Why True/Slant

Because the world would be boring without a little tilt to it


What I'm Currently Addicted To...


This Is Annoying Me...

The ongoing success of Sandra Lee

This Is Making Me Worry...

the honey bee apocalypse

This Is Bringing Me Joy...

The abundance of spring/summer produce

I'm Running From...

Mass-produced meat

This Is Helping Me Create...

My new pizza stone ... good for many things other than pizza

This Is Making Me Think - Hard...

Should I leave corporate America for the food industry?

This Makes My Teeth Itch

um... cotton?

Can't Do Without

Hot sauces of all origins. Cholula, Sriracha, Tabasco are top 3

Favorite Voices

The one in my head telling me how to cook

Topics Mike follows

My T/S Activity Feed