Professional

I'm Known For...

A ridiculous Renaissance number of "abilities."

My Current Project

My apartment, and my wife's officially tired of it not being done.

My Greatest Achievement

Living through an old-school knock-down bare knuckle black belt test.

My Biggest Regret

Anthony Hopkins told me, "Don't look back, never look back." If it's good enough for Sir Tony, it's good enough for me.

I Truly Respect

My dad.

Moments I'd Like To Forget

My 20's.

How I Pay For This Wardrobe

If you saw it, you wouldn't ask.

Blocks I've Been Around

There should be more than there are.

Things That Really Happened

Dislocated my knee throwing a kick; took on a level 2 rapids in a $50 blow-up raft; drank too much Irish whiskey when I met my Irish wife; drove my car off the road, into a ditch, out of the ditch, through a fence, around some cows, back through the fence, back into the ditch, at 3:00 in the morning; surfed the Banzai Pipeline after a storm (bad idea for a first-time surfer); went $25k into debt making a virtually unprogrammable short film; won a national editing award in college for something called 'Hot Bod Music Video!'; spent a summer sanding and repainting my bitchin' Camero and it still looked like crap; swapped engines in bitchin' Camero, from a 250 to a 350 4-barrel (from 25 to 7 mpg); sold bitchin' Camero; bought an Escort (sad, sad, sad); drove Escort from K.C. to L.A. in 2.5 days, in 110 degree heat, developing a strange rash; left Escort on roadside when it refused to move any farther.

Where I'd Like To Be 10 Years From Now

Sitting on your lap.

Why True/Slant

Because they care enough to send the very best.

My Other Website

is a Cadillac

Personal

What I'm Currently Addicted To...

Free movies!

This Is Annoying Me...

NYC noise.

This Is Making Me Worry...

My future.

This Is Bringing Me Joy...

My wife.

I'm Running From...

My sketchy past.

This Is Helping Me Create...

My gigantic brain.

This Is Making Me Think - Hard...

Revision.

This Makes My Teeth Itch

Grading research papers.

Can't Do Without

Coffee. Black as the sky on a moonless night.

Favorite Voices

George Orwell; Cormac McCarthy; The Coen Brothers when they're good; Jim Harrison; George Saunders.

My Most Awkward Moment

I was 16, at work, standing beside a coworker during a slow patch. A very goth-looking woman approached the store. We watched her through the windows. I said, "Jeez, get a load of the mistress of the dark." The woman entered. My coworker said, "Hi mom!"

My Secret Ambition

To spend 2 years in the wild, training karate, then come down from the mountains and defeat everyone with my new found strength and wisdom. I'm only half-kidding.