Elie Mystal

Elie Mystal

The Black Side


My Stats

Contributor since:May 2009

About Me

My first name is pronounced like Eliot without the “it,” my last name is pronounced like the Crystal I don’t have the “M”oney to afford. I’m an editor of Above the Law, a legal website that covers all of the gossip and business of the legal profession. Prior to that I wrote about politics. I used to be a lawyer, but I quit that profession in lieu of stripping naked and lighting myself on fire. I received a degree in Government from Harvard University because I enjoy pain, and a J.D. from Harvard Law School because I dislike change. I’m also a Met fan (pain + born in Queens).

I’m African-American thanks to my maternal grandmother (which means there is one word I can use that white people can’t. Mwahaha). My father is from Haiti and my wife is from Zimbabwe, but outside of the northeast corridor I turn into a sniveling idiot. My maternal grandfather is from China, so I can make fun of Chinese-Americans ¼ of the time. It’d be great to go a whole year without embarrassing my mother, as Julia might say “Ye Gods, can that woman wait.”



I'm Known For...

Talking very loudly.

My Greatest Achievement

Whatever the hell I did that made my wife fall in love with me.

I Truly Respect

Matt Stone & Trey Parker

Moments I'd Like To Forget

I don't remember. Tequila is a full service friend.

How I Pay For This Wardrobe

If my wife is going to wear the pants, she might as well buy them.

Things That Really Happened

I wrote a 14 page Environmental Law final paper when I friend told me about the deadline 3 hours before it was due.

Why True/Slant

Commenters. Bring it.

My Other Website

Above the Law


What I'm Currently Addicted To...

Apple T.V.

This Is Annoying Me...

The Recession. Seriously, I am straight up bored with being economically terrified all of the time.

This Is Making Me Worry...

Pole shifting.

This Is Bringing Me Joy...

Johan Santana

This Is Helping Me Create...


This Is Making Me Think - Hard...

The Republican Party doesn't really think it can win national elections by just appealing to white people, right? I mean, they know this now don't they?

Favorite Voices

Bill Simmons. Skip Gates. Keith (Olbermann & Hernandez).

My Secret Ambition

I'd like to be Pope for 36 hours. I could fix it.

Topics Elie follows

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