Professional

I'm Known For...

I’m known for co-writing an endorsement favoring Sen. John Kerry for U.S. president published in the weekly newspaper of George W. Bush’s adopted hometown.

My Current Project

My current project for True/Slant is my "Dear God" column, which features satirical* letters to God from various American politicos. *Laugh at your own peril.

My Greatest Achievement

My greatest achievement, thus far, is being willing to forgive President George W. Bush and his regime for sustaining a culture of greed, corruption, and inhumanity.

My Biggest Regret

My biggest regret is failing to refuse the advice of my third-grade teacher sooner. She should have said, "Until you get paid to say stuff about people, shut up! Now, go eat some paste, you little shit!"

I Truly Respect

I truly respect people who are authentic and don't even realize it.

Moments I'd Like To Forget

Um, it's probably better that I remember those moments so as they not repeat.

How I Pay For This Wardrobe

I pay for this wardrobe with gratitude.

Blocks I've Been Around

Blocks I've been around include, but are not limited to, the music video for The BPA's "Toe Jam."

Where I'd Like To Be 10 Years From Now

As long as you’re there, too, I’ll be happy.

Why True/Slant

I appreciate the fact that True/Slant did not make me eat worms on a tropical island with a horde of fame-seekers on a television show in order to have the chance to inquire for this position.

My Other Website

My other website is keeptexasfreaky.com

Personal

What I'm Currently Addicted To...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, True/Slant! That's devilishly subversive of you, but you're not going to get me that easily! I'm on to you, your interventions, and your precious 12 steps. Ha!

This Is Annoying Me...

People that get taken advantage by their lawns, pets, and/or consciousness annoy me.

This Is Making Me Worry...

When my lawn, pet, consciousness and a few of my other multiple personalities formed a choir, yeah, that made me worry some.

This Is Bringing Me Joy...

Effortless non-action brings me joy.

I'm Running From...

I’m running from procrastination, though I did finish this form, didn't I?

This Is Helping Me Create...

True/Slant is helping me create. For this, I love you, True/Slant.

This Is Making Me Think - Hard...

Sometimes, I think.

This Makes My Teeth Itch

Euphemisms makes my teeth itch.

Can't Do Without

I can’t do without food, water, shelter, sleep, and True/Slant. Okay, fine! I can do without shelter.

Favorite Voices

My favorite voices are those that, as my mentor put it, "PLAY FROM YOUR FUCKING HEART!!!"

My Most Awkward Moment

My most awkward moment is to come once "my secret ambition" is complete.

My Secret Ambition

My secret ambition is to make sweet, sweet love with the elephant in the room.