Santa, Glenn Beck, and David Brooks? They’re all dicks

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An elite instructor of military cadets here in Riyadh forwarded me a question. Is Wikipedia a reasonable source for college students?

No, the teacher reasoned, but perhaps Dickipedia is.

Behold a selection of the website’s very important knowledge:

1. Santa Claus (also known as Saint Nicholas, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle, and Santa) is a historical, legendary and mythical figure and a dick.

2. Glenn Beck (born February 10, 1964) is a right-wing American talk show host and a dick.

3. David Brooks (b. August 11, 1961) is a columnist for The New York Times, a commentator on The NewsHour with Jim Lehrer, and a dick.

Among other notable dicks are Tom Brady, Muqtada al-Sadr, and The Pilgrims.

More entertainment? Don’t miss Photos of TV, by Mike Sacks.

Maybe you’ve seen one or both, but they represent two ends of the internet spectrum: Cruel and hilarious versus subtle and moving. Both are valuable, I suppose.

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Update: This dick territory gets complicated! I wanted to include Roman Polanski’s entry so you can mull over the dickish terrain.

Roman Polanski is a Polish-French film director, producer, writer, actor, admitted rapist, fugitive, and a serious dick.

One of the more talented rapists of all time, Polanski is best known for films such as “Rosemary’s Baby,” “Chinatown,” and “The Pianist.”

In 1977, he was arrested in Los Angeles and pleaded guilty to unlawful intercourse with a minor. To avoid sentencing, Polanski fled to France, a nation that takes pride in its staggeringly high dick population density (one dick per 17 feet). There, he was protected by the country’s limited extradition with the U.S. (France holds on to its dicks.)

His decision to avoid jail is not that dickish. In fact it’s somewhat understandable, for if the convicted rapist went to prison, he would likely be on the losing end of a little “what’s good for the the goose is good for the gander.” What is dickish is that in the time since he’s left the United States, Polanski has cultivated the image of a sympathetic victim who has been unfairly exiled from the U.S. That however, is not the case. He is not the victim. That title belongs to the 13-year-old he raped.

In September of 2009, Polanski was arrested by Swiss police while trying to enter Switzerland to pick up a lifetime achievement award from the Zurich Film Festival.

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