Frozen Avocados Suck Worse Than You’d Think
On a recent trip to Trader Joe’s supermarket — a place in which I’ve always had great results — a store worker stopped me in my tracks in the frozen aisle solely in order to tell me how good their frozen avocados were. “Frozen avocados?” I blurted out, bewildered by the fact that such a thing could be done, and also at the fact that such a man had the gumption to recommend them. He said he ate them all the time, and that they’re even sometimes better than regular avocados. He then reassured me of Trader Joe’s return policy — if you don’t like a product, bring it back for a full refund with no questions asked. So, I walked out of the store with frozen avocado halves not because I don’t have access to fresh ones, but because I knew I had a job to do by testing them.
Needless to say, I’ll be taking them up on their return policy.
If you ask me, the avocado is the one absolutely perfect that mother nature provides. It’s creamy, flavorful, hearty, has lots of healthy Omega-3 fats — it’s brilliant. So, I was skeptical off the bat that these frozen avocados could hold up to the real deal. After opening the box, I immediately had an issue: These Trader Joe’s avocados are TINY! No, wait, tiny. As you can see below, they’re almost the size of a fairly large lime. That is weak.
As many women and insecure men will tell you, size doesn’t matter… so on with the experiment. Since they’re frozen, the instructions were to place the shrunk-wrapped avocado halves into a bowl of room temperature water for 15-20 minutes. Easy enough.
I had hoped to use these avocados cubed up in a salad. Once removed from the water/packaging, however, those dreams were dashed. The normally luscious, creamy avocados were spongy, elastic impostors of what they should be. Seriously, I could bend them back and forth and they’d spring back to form rather than mush up. I even took video because I had to properly display how unnatural this was:
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So, at this point I figured I’d ditch the cube idea and just try to salvage this sad affair with a guacamole of sorts. Lime juice, cumin and even a little sour cream — which I’d normally never put in guac, but this was desperation mode — was thrown in and everything was mashed with a fork, but it was all for naught. The outcome was a pasty, gritty, flavorless and textureless blob of shame.
I’m not posting this to rip on Trader Joe’s at all. As I mentioned before, I’ve been very satisfied with 99% of their products in the past. This is more a post to assert that if you’re skeptical of a food product and are giving it a test run for the first time, don’t be surprised if it sucks, and more importantly, make sure it’s not the main component and always have a backup plan.