What Would Be Your Torture Food?
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A new Time magazine report (via E&P) claims that during the interrogation of a high-ranking Al Qaeda terror suspect, cookies took the place of waterboarding or car batteries as a device for torture. “All it took to soften up Abu Jandal, who had been closer to Osama bin Laden than any other terrorist ever captured, was a handful of sugar-free cookies.” Jandal, you see, is diabetic. So, while I in no way condone torture of any sort or think this is funny in any way, what would be a food that could break you if you were ever subject to an interrogation?
Health concerns shouldn’t play a part here — don’t play the diabetic/lactose intolerant/food allergy card, just straight-up hatred of a particular food (yes, I’m aware his diabetes is what is making this an issue, but I’m trying to keep things accessible and interesting here, people). For me, my torture food would probably be regular American-style baked spiral ham, which for some reason I can’t consume (or think about) its overly-brined pink flesh without gagging. It’s truly the only food I can think of that I simply cannot fathom eating. For my wife, creamed pickled herring would get her to confess every sin she’s ever committed. So, with every attempt to not make light of this situation: What would be a food that could be used against you in a torture situation. Leave it with a solid explanation why in the comments.
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Uncooked tempeh. (Which, for the non-vegan among us, is fermented soy.) It has this blisteringly bitter flavor that you can *smell* before it even hits your taste buds. Ugh. Gag reflex.
Lima beans, and or head cheese, both disgust me, I’d rather eat dirt.
Look, I’ll eat anything. I admit it. There is no food that is torture to me (although I have a particular revulsion for Yum! Brands Restaurants like Kentucky Fried Chicken and Taco Bell).
But if someone really wants to torture me, put out the food I love most and tell me I can’t have it. Set a plate of fresh-baked Ghiradelli double chocolate brownies in front of me. I will spill it in a heartbeat.
Maybe that’s just me …
I’ve been thinking about this and I think I might be with Viv re: it’s hard to torture me with food.
On the other hand, it seems like feeding someone the same thing over and over again could have a certain effect. For instance, consider the ‘Nutriloaf’ fed to prisoners in solitary confinement who can’t be trusted with utensils of any sort – and occasionally to whole jails when there are money problems… – there have been lawsuits that it’s cruel and unusual punishment to serve the stuff up. And I heard recently that there were almost riots in some Nazi POW camp because they fed nothing but lobster to the British prisoners they had – this back before the sea bugs became fancy and delectable.
Lobsters were considered fancy and delectable long before WWII.
In response to another comment. See in context »Natto. Japanese fermented beans. They will have you babbling and begging to talk in minutes. I don’t know a single foreigner (however macho about Japanese cuisine they may be) who can stand them.
But if it’s real torture you want, and the information is just a side bonus then feed them whale meat. I tried one tiny slice once and it fell out of my mouth leaving me to retch. Bright pink and white like a “Hello Kitty” lunchbox,it tastes like hookers perfume in lard. Bizarre and so wrong.
Okra or uncooked Oysters.
OOOOOOOO – ugh, the snotty, slimy texture makes me gag when I simply LOOK at it.
~ gulp ~ gotta run………………….DD
Gefeltifish.. The very mental picture of the jar brings on nausea.
And Lucky Charms. At the tender age of 3, I snuck a box into the playroom, dumped it out, and ate EVERY marshmallow, which I proceeded to throw up in a pastel rainbow for the next 3 hours. I can’t even look at Peeps during Easter.
Eggs prepared in any fashion! Ugh, the thought of the texture, smell and taste of scrambled eggs…hard boiled eggs (why is the yolk sometimes GREENISH-GRAYISH???), or over easy with that runny snot coming out of it…give me strength.
Say you don’t think this is funny all you like, by writing this you are trivializing a serious issue. You wouldn’t write it if you didn’t think it was funny/edgy. I’m an asshole, I’ll say it straight up, but this made even me feel ill.