Irony and the undead

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The public’s recent embrace of all things zombie has put the factory in overtime mode, churning out a steady stream of undead ghouls who can make a bounty of a single intestine, will crawl if they have to, walk if they can, and run when required by the script, and, let’s face it, know a good brain stem when they smell one.

We may love all the nutty, misunderstood blood suckers among us, ridiculously handsome all (I suppose, if you’re self-selecting, why not?), but it’s the zombies that we fear. And zombie movies, when made by someone with what the undead most desire – brains – can act as a platform for all sorts of things that vampire movies just can’t. Because after all, we get it, right? Blood lust is about well, lust. Sex. Having sex, not having sex, and sometimes men having sex or not having sex with other men despite the proximity of all those tasty Adams Apples bobbing about. Ooh-la-la. Anything beyond sky blue balls in your average vampire flick? Not so much.

And while a good zombie flick can be about almost anything, what they most often are about – like ray-eee-ain on your weddinggggg day – is irony, my friends. Eat your heart out, Alanis, and I mean that literally. Here’s a look at where the best of them stand on the ol’ zombie-tron irony index.

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Night of the Living Dead. The father, if not the grandfather, of all zombie flicks, George Romero’s cult classic haunts us every single Halloween, and probably will continue to do so until a real apocalypse destroys all our TVs and traps us in a house with a bunch of strangers fighting over who gets to shoot the encroaching dead-eyed groaners. Since this was way back in ‘68, man, long before the blooming of irony as the groovy way to react to, like, totally everything, Romero played it pretty straight, with one major exception: the bleak-ass ending, which is really the thing that makes the movie.

The torch-bearing townies surround the house in which the one single solitary poor bastard left living, the closest thing this film has to a hero, and a guy who, oh I don’t know, just happens to be black has survived the night of the long moans. Our black hero makes the mistake of parting the drapes on yonder window, and the townies – oops – shoot him dead. Bummer.

Romero scores an 8 on the irony index. Though Alanis might not recognize it as such, Romero’s third act move is the very definition of dramatic irony: when the audience is given information that at least one of the characters is unaware of themselves. Listen dude, these honkies are gonna mistake you for a zombie because, as far as they’re concerned, all zombies look alike. While you might look out that window at a sea of angry white faces and mistakenly assume you’re safe, they come to a very different conclusion. Point. Click. Shoot. Roll credits.

Cover of Shaun of the Dead

Edgar Wright & Simon Pegg’s 2004 rom-zom-com, Shaun of the Dead, took advantage of the audience’s (over) familiarity with the FAQs of all things zombie. Not only did they play with tropes for great comedic effect (Shaun’s spot-on undead wake-up groan, the zombifiction of the neighbors), they played with them for pretty good dramatic effect as well.

But is it ironic? Is using a cricket bat, pints of lager, and a record collection to beat off the approaching undead horde an ironic move, or just, you know, funny?

While I think Shuan is a fantastic film, on the irony index I think it rates pretty low. 2.

Shuan’s success primed us dumb Americans for a zom-com of our own. Zombieland, arriving last last year, killed the competition and chewed, crawled, and clawed its way to the top of the reeking zombie flick heap, raking in about fifteen million more than number two, Zack Snyder’s remake of George Romero’s sequel to his own original recipe zomster. If you wanna make a lot of money, start a religion. Oh wait, wrong quote (sorry, L. Ron!). If you want to make a lot of money, make it funny. We love to laugh, even when what we’re laughing at it a zombie being chainsawed in half and the other zombies like totally going smorgasbord on his ass. Stop! You’re killing me!

Let me ax you.

Funny, clever, and fun, Zombieland turned the irony to 11 when the survivors of the apocalypse finally arrived at Bill Murray’s house in Hollywood. The story goes that Murray has survived the apocalypse and its zombie-licious aftermath by cleverly wearing undead makeup to blend in. As you might expect, this little gag leads to a textbook moment of tragic irony. A solid 7 on the irony index.

Finally, Zack Snyder’s zombies-on-crank remake of Romero’s Dawn of the Dead cemented Snyder’s post-modern auteur status by being better than its source. Seriously. Snyder’s visual panache, his wicked sense of humor, and a hellishly playful attention to detail snag his Dawn a 10 on the irony index.

Something bad happens (probably the government’s fault), a lot of peeps turn into brain-munchers, and survivors flee to the mall (as you would). With the undead gathering in the parking lot, the survivors play out their own little microcosmic societal struggle inside. It’s great stuff.

Them zombies can run!

And the irony starts early, with Snyder’s choice of names. The mall they reach? “Crossroads.” The coffee shop where they gather? “Hallowed Grounds.” But it’s really the music, or rather, muzak that shoots Dawn to the top of the irony index. When the survivors get to the mall, the first song they hear is “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” Then they get “All By Myself,” “You Light Up My Life,” and even “What The World Needs Now is Love,” and because it’s always that soulless muzak, we tune it out, but it was a genius move. There’s also a bit of irony to be found in the attention to detail. Once or twice, for just a moment, the camera holds on one of those mall kiosks. It’s easy to miss. But long before the survivors decide that their salvation lies in a boat trip to an island (a threeeee hourrrrrr tourrrrr), Ving Rhames stands in front of a travel ad framing… that’s right, an island surrounded by blue sea. “Wild Planet Travel” it reads. Indeed.

I can hardly wait for Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.