The next few films in Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson’s Netflix queue

Here come the brides...?

When Marilyn Manson recently asked little Evan Rachel Wood, 17 years his junior, to tie the knot (“Tighter! Tighter, Evan! Don’t make me use the whip!”), it got me thinking about the, you know, normal everyday stuff that would fill up their dull domestic life.

For instance, I’m sure they’ll have a heavy helping of Robert Smith on rotation in their sound dock at all times. But who knows? The Smiths might get equal play. Or perhaps Einstürzende Neubauten is more their speed. Who knows with these crazy kids?

But mostly I wanted to know what was in their Netflix queue, since Netflix is both a handy web-based movie rental house and an online community, where people love to share their favorites, warn you off of the stinkers, and often open their queue for your own perusal. The Manson-Woods didn’t do that, but I don’t think it takes the Psychic Friends Network to figure out what would likely be the next few movies coming to the castle. I don’t know about you, but I think I smell pop corn.

Watch out! Polanski's loose on the poop deck!

The synopsis of Jean-Jacques Annaud’s dated film, The Lover, goes something like this: “An innocent school girl offers herself to an older man and discovers her sexuality.” Perfect.

You've got mail.

Since Steven Shainberg’s kinky breakout film, Secretary, was essentially a how-to guide for budding sadomasochists, it’s destined for repeat viewings at casa Manson-Woods.

Young blood.

The crazy age discrepancy in Twilight will probably make the Manson-Woods feel a little better about themselves, since Bella is a legal eighteen and Ed is actually a hundred and eight. Keep him out of the sun and he doesn’t look much over fifty.

Ouch.

I don’t expect the Manson-Woods to watch Requiem for a Dream in its entirety, but there is one, um, painful scene that they may well have on loop.

It's time to shave daddy's back.

In Repulsion, by fellow card-carrying member of the pedo-club, Roman Polanski, a sexually repressed young beauty, left alone when her sister goes on vacation, goes insane with surreal fantasies of seduction and rape. Yeah, that about does it.

Hey look! I'm on TV but I'm also sitting right here! Weird...

Most stars will tell you that they don’t like watching their own movies. Not so in the Manson-Woods household, where Whatever Works will be in frequent rotation, with Marilyn hitting mute to read Larry David’s Woody shtick.

Parkay®.

No house of ill repute is complete without Last Tango in Paris in the queue. Get the butter.

No laughing matter.

Horndog perv Frank Booth sums up Blue Velvet’s charms in one of his most oft-repeated lines:  “Baby wants to fuck… baby wants to fuck Blue Velvet!” Can you say ‘role play?’

You've made daddy very angry.

Speaking of role play, many a night will be spent with Woods, having been lowered in a wicker basket into a dank pit dug far beneath their East Village labyrinth, play-pleading for her life while the thin silhouetted figure at the lip of the hole has a fun time saying things like, “It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again!” Ain’t love grand (guignol)?

Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachel Wood… I wanna party with you.