5 classic films you think you know but really don’t
Franky goes to Hollywood.
Franky goes to Hollywood.
Frankenstein
What you think it’s about:
A nutty doctor who, with the help of a nice but dim assistant and some lightening, brings the stitched-up random rotting bits of a bunch of dead guys together into one tall, fairly grumpy whole. Starts out promising enough. Does not end well.
What it’s really about:
Don’t be gay. This is what happens when men exclude women from the baby-making process!
16 Candles
What you think it’s about:
Image via wikipedia
A sweet geeky girl gets sad when everybody forgets her 16th birthday. She’s in love with the most popular guy in school (he drives a Porsche!), but she doesn’t think he knows she’s alive. Turns out, he’s totally in love with her too, and leaves his spoiled primadonna girlfriend for the girl geek.
What it’s really about:
A working class family eagerly gives their virgin daughter to a bored, wealthy brute in the hopes of ascending the class ranks.
Image via Wikipedia
Citizen Kane
What you think it’s about:
A puzzling investigation of a dying man’s last word. Turns out, the big mystery’s nothing more than fond recollections of youth, as symbolized by a childhood sled named Rosebud.
What it’s really about:
A dying man’s fond recollection of the best hooha he ever had. One of the reasons Welles was destroyed by the press was that back then “the press” pretty much belonged to William Randolph Hearst, Welles’ model for Charles Foster Kane. He was the Rupert Murdoch of his time. The gossip about the word “Rosebud?” It was Hearst’s nickname for his mistress’s vajayjay. All men name their mistresses’ vajayjays, don’t they?
Image via Wikipedia
E.T. The Extra Terrestrial
What you think it’s about:
The love between a cute space monkey and a little boy who helps him get “hooooooome.” And cute little Drew Barrymore, before we went on her drug fueled bender.
What it’s really about:
Illegal immigration. It’s California, and a group of “aliens” is out in the desert. When Johnny Law shows up, they take off in a hurry, leaving a slow-poke behind (he’d probably sprained his ankle crossing the river). A little innocent kid finds the lost amigo, hides him from all the judgmental adults and the anti-immigrant government and, with some difficulty, teaches him to SPEAK ENGLISH. But the alien’s got some kind of bad flu, and Elliot gets pretty sick. It was the first case of this crazy flu in the U.S. and the government overreacts (there’s something new!), storming the sub-development with Hazmat-slash-SWAT looking scientists. Can’t we all just get along?
The 10 Commandments
The 10 Commandments. 1956
What you think it’s about:
The life of Moses, from soup to nuts. Charlton Heston’s beard. Cutting edge special effects!
What it’s really about:
Made during the height of the cold war by anti-pinko filmmaker Cecile B. Demille, the movie is a polemic against communism. Moses parts the RED sea, people. He struggles to free his people from slavery to the man. Heston says it best himself, “There can be no freedom under tyranny without the law!” And an interesting side note: the production had several 10 commandment monuments constructed on various locations. It is in fact these movie props that have been recently ordered removed, to much local scorn, by the U.S. Supreme Court.
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Your first selection ties in with a couple lines of dialogue from Will & Grace:
Hah! Thanks; I honestly didn’t know that. But I have had some particularly funny film theory classes…
In response to another comment. See in context »Well it was memorable being one of the few funny lines they ever gave to Eric McCormack… the better part of the theme-gag (i guess it applies to this blog-post) was when Will made the case for Pickering and Higgins from My Fair Lady being gay:
I always thought three of your picks here were about the same thing: How much fun it is to be a monstrous powerful giant (Frank’s monster, Kaine, God in the 10 Commandments) who can stomp all over the landscape, knocking people over and wreaking general havoc.
Lewis, that’s a great, and very funny, perspective. It’s good to be the king.