10 things I learned about history from ‘Braveheart’
10. Like so much of history (see Titanic), the Scottish rebellion was really all about a girl.
Love.... exciting and new...
9. When a dad crouched down to tell his boy that he’d “be right back?” Yeah, even in 1280 we knew this was code for “Buh bye.” See yee on thuh other side, da.
Don't believe him, kid.
8. Dental hygiene was a hell of a lot more advanced in 1300 than historians would have us believe. And skin care. In the middle ages, all pretty ladies had perfect skin. Not a zit in the Kingdom. Ugly ones? Not so much. Banished from the land!
Not too shabby.
7. And, a dandy could get his beard trimmed down at the local barbershop. Which was good, since a perfectly cropped goatee really compliments the eyes, particularly when one is “shocked!” by some awful Middle Ages depravity or other.
Just a little off the sides.
6. There’s been something wrong with the Irish for, basically, ever. In Braveheart, the only Irish guy in the whole film isn’t drunk. What a cliché that’d be! He’s simply stark raving mad.
Top of the mornin' to ya. I'll eat yer gizzard.
5. When proven victorious in battle, a single scream just won’t cut it.
Let's hear it for the girl.
Also? The thing about screaming whilst drenched in the tepid blood of your slaughtered foes? It’s kinda contagious.
You said it!
4. Since the dawn of time, anytime women weren’t busy cleaning, cooking, washing laundry on a rock, having babies, or running from scary beasts (men; dinosaurs; what have you) they talked about love. Silly women! It’s time to put another record on the turntable, ladies.
Bor-ing.
3. The international facial expression known as “sheepish” hasn’t changed much in seven centuries.
Oops, I did it again.
2. That neat little trick Bruce Willis played on Alan Rickman at the end of Die Hard? Hiding his weapon behind his back in that totally unexpected way? Old hat. They’ve been doing it for half a millennium!
When are we gonna learn?
1. Turns out? Mel Gibson’s been pretty darn passionate about The Christ for seven hundred years.
Now where have I see this before...?
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Braveheart was a crap film, yes, but it still made me want to pick up a broadsword and cut me some Limeys.
Haha. Yes indeed. Though that crazy Irish really comes through in the end, teaching us all a valuable life lesson. Or something.
In response to another comment. See in context »Don’t the crazy Irish always have something to teach us though? They’re so wise and wry, those Irish, with their wit, their music, and their drink. Oh, Irish people. You’re adorable!
In response to another comment. See in context »Re. #2 One millennium; two millennia
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