5 movies based on TV shows that Bryan Singer should make instead of Battlestar Gallactica

The latest news in the entertainment world is that hothead elfen manchild Bryan Singer will soon bring a big Hollywood movie of the TV show Battlestar Galactica to a frakkin’ multiplex near you. Is this a smart move for Mr. Diminishing Returns? BG is pretty much fine as it is, am I right? We don’t need a frakkin’ movie. We don’t need a different cast. We don’t need ILM to do a thousand FX shots. We don’t need Columbia Pictures to spend two hundred million bucks. I know that some peeps were unhappy with the way the series wound down, but that’s just, like, their opinion, man. The series, as a whole, is perfectly self-contained. So say we all.

Besides, Singer’s at his best when he keeps his feet on the ground. He has yet to top The Usual Suspects, and it’s those kind of twist and turn narrative gymnastics that he should get back to now. Outer space is so yesterday. But terra firma, now that would be fresh. Singer’s been into television (and leather) for a while now, creating Dirty Sexy Money (buh-bye) and House, M.D. If he wants to make a movie out of a TV show, he should look elsewhere for his material. Unlike Galactica, any one of these fine shows stands to make a better transition to the bigger screen.

The Wire

David Simon’s fresh take on the TV form made The Wire one of the most talked about shows of recent times. People loved this show, like they loved their kids. Maybe more. It’s crazy. One of the seasons dealt with the ports, sorta like Singer’s Suspects, but it’s the layered, complex look at our morally-suspect civilization that Singer could really sink his perfect white teeth into. He tiptoed around that sort of thing in Apt Pupil. It’s time to go full-foot.

Gunsmoke

Until stupid Law & Order came along, Gunsmoke had been the longest-running drama in TV history. Sam Peckinpah even wrote some early episodes, and a young Burt Reynolds did some time on it. CBS has been talking about doing an “updated” Gunsmoke movie for TV, but the silver screen is where this dusty stuff really belongs. Singer’s done quirky indie mystery, bloated sci-fi, silly-panted super dudes, and Tom Cruise; he’s never done a western. I think it’s time.

Prime Suspect

Sexy Helen Mirren bucking the mantastic police system wasn’t the only thing that made Prime Suspect great TV. It was well-written, especially early on, folding character drama and dynamics into the complex mysteries. Singer’s movies tend to be as mantastic as the British precinct where Dame Helen worked, but he’s always got women sorta hanging around the edges, often in tights (whatever turns you on, man). Hey, Singer, why not let a lady actually drive the bus for a while, instead of just sitting in the back? Set the thing in New Orleans and it practically writes itself.

24

I’m not the biggest fan of the series, but boy-howdy, people sure do seem to dig it. Maybe it says more about our times (post 9-11) than our tastes (American Idol at number 1?). Whatever the case, Kiefer’s been kickin’ terrorist butt and saving the world (or at least the good ol’ U.S. of A.) for eight years already. The guy must be exhausted. I wouldn’t even be able to hold the gun up. If done right (Singer directing, McQuarrie writing), 24 The Movie could transcend its format, its uneven acting, its cloying TV-ness, and actually be something along the lines of what the last Bond movie should have been.

The Rockford Files

That’s right. The Rockford Files. But this one comes down to the casting. Who’d be the perfect Jim Rockford for our times? Singer would probably pick Hugh Jackman and call it a day. Or Benicio Tel Toro. Both men may well possess the same oddball combo of suave, ah shucks, and oh shit that Garner brought to the role, but George Clooney could knock this thing out of the TV. And let’s face it, Singer could do with some branching out. The series was fun and light and Garner never took things too seriously (ahhh, the 70’s; oh how I miss you). Likewise, Singer could lighten up and bring the fun back to the movie house. This could well be Clooney’s next franchise, Bry. Better grab it before somebody else does.