Here’s to you, new Mrs. Robinson

The sexing-up of the small-screen heroine.

A new season of Weeds is on its way, and with it, a new promotional campaign.

“The Hemptress Returns.” Clever. Weaving her oh-so-tangled web while somehow managing to not rip it apart with those 6-inch heels, the same heels, in fact, that she wore in the previous season’s promotional campaign:

Though that time her sleepy shorts were, what is that? Rubber? Latex? Some kind of highly-reflective material that won’t hold water and is often favored by sadomasochists. Good stuff. But compared to the show’s promotional tipping point, they were downright Protestant:

This little baby dropped after the show’s third season, and has probably gone on to adorned the walls of many a young stoner. Sex sells. Throw in a snake, a Biblical wink (sometimes a snake is just, like, a snake, man) and we’re talking box office mojo (or at least, DVD mojo). But does anyone remember the way they promoted this show when it began? 

Season 1

Season 2

Season 3

That’s right. It was an ensemble piece. About pot. And the suburbs. And a single mother struggling to keep it together. Now it’s about, I guess, a naughty milf. Mary-Louise Parker is 45 years old. I’ve always thought she was a hell of a sexy woman. Turns out, so do the folks over at Showtime.

I think we’ve witnessed, in the last couple years, a seismic shift in the way that older women are being portrayed, and promoted, on television.

Before In Plain Sight, Mary McCormack appeared for a few seasons on The West Wing. Do you remember what she looked like when she first showed up, to play Kate Harper, who worked in the Department of Defense?

Not too sexy. But probably a lot like a real DOD employee would look. She wore appropriate, if boxy, clothing to the office, had her hair back, tried (and failed) to rock some bangs, kept the makeup on a “need to know” basis. “I could tell you what shade of lipstick I’m wearing, but then I’d have to kill you.” But when the show decided to mine her character’s potential as a love interest, she underwent a transformation.

Hello you. Sexy stuff. You had me at “Strategic Defense Initiative.” And I bet she’s packing heat. The DOD never knew what hit ‘em. Of course, McCormack, who is 38, rode the sexy-coaster all the way to her own TV show. And on that show they decided to go sexy right out of the gate.

Witness protection's never been so hot.

I’ve never seen so many tank tops in one show. In fact, the overlapping tank tops look is basically McCormack’s uniform. She wears it so often it might as well be her brand.

Mary McCormack. Double-Stuff Tanks®.

You go, girl. McCormack and Parker aren’t the only new women of the small American screen to get sexed-up. Over the course of her own wildly popular show, The Closer, 43 year old Kyra Sedgwick, the least removed from Kevin Bacon of anyone, went from moderately sexy:

Season 1

To ooh-la-la:

Who done it? Who cares!?

There’s nothing like a little leg to solve a crime. And on Saving Grace, my own personal fave and elder of the bunch, Holly Hunter, was likewise sexy from the get-go. This woman is 51!

Grade-A milf and quite possible even a gilf. Hell, depending on how randy her offspring might be, this woman could be a ggilf. That’s “ga-gilf” to you.

What I find particularly interesting about this recent promotional fad is the fact that none of these women are what would be called traditionally beautiful. They’re a little older. They’re not overly thin (except maybe for Ms. Hunter, who must have a small apartment in one corner of her gym). They do not frequent, or at least they don’t appear to frequent, the plastic surgeons of our time. Most of them are actually, you know, real thespians, from the isle of Thespos (and some are actually great). They’re intelligent and are allowed, even encouraged, to show it. And one of the sexiest TV couples of the last five years? Admiral Adama and Laura Roselin. At 57 years of age, Mary McDonnell was the sexiest woman on the Battlestar (well, I gotta hand it to Tricia Helfer; she really is super human). We are a hell of a long way from the young, vain (or dumb, or both) girl image we’ve been seeing for so long. Remember Friends? Buffy? Melrose Place?

Have we entered a new age? The epoch of the sexy older woman? Is this a new Mrs. Robinsonism? If it is, all I can say is, Here’s to you, all you new Mrs. Robinsons. Go ahead and seduce me. I won’t fight. Or is this really just the blunt reality of what a woman must do in order to succeed in this business? It’s a good question for some of you college graduates out there to ponder this summer from the edge of your daddy’s pool.