May. 8 2010 - 8:21 am | 4,213 views | 2 recommendations | 14 comments

Word to your mother: songs for Mother’s Day

By MICHELE CATALANO

Before we get started let’s say this isn’t your normal list of songs about mother. This one is for everyone, not just the people who love their moms so much they get her name tattooed over their heart. This is for the mothers, stepmothers, like-a-mothers, grandmothers and godmothers. It’s for the mothers who nurtured and cared, who packed nutritious lunches for school, who taught you good manners, good posture and that good guys always win. But it’s also for kids of mothers who used wire hangers, engaged in Munchhausen Syndrome, gave Freud a run for his money, ran off with the milkman, taught you how to drink, smoke, curse and cheat at solitaire. It’s for the mothers and the motherfuckers.It’s the Good, the Bad and the Ugly list of Mother’s Day songs.

– For people with mother issues, or issues with other people’s mothers

Danzig – Mother Sure, it’s not about mothers, but a warning to mothers. However, no mother list would be complete without it.

The Police – Mother The most underrated song on Synchronicity. The bitterness in “Every girl I go out with becomes my mother in the end” is the stuff relationship nightmares are made of.

Pink Floyd – Mother An overprotective, sadistic mom and great guitar solo. Perfect holiday material.

Pixies – Nimrod’s Son Who doesn’t love a song about the offspring of an incestuous relationship on Mother’s Day?

Suicidal Tendencies – I Saw Your Mommy If songs were horror movies, this would be on top of the B-movie list.

Eminem – My Mom A song for every kid whose slutty mom put Valium in his mashed potatoes. I’m sure there’s more than one, right?

Eric Cartman – Kyle’s Mom’s a Bitch Not just a bitch. A big, fat bitch.

Snoop Dogg – I Love My Momma You would think a song with this title would go on the “good” list of Mother’s Day songs but have you ever really listened to this? In this supposed ode to his mama, Snoop manages to squeeze in shouts out to Schlitz beer, his homies Nate Dogg and Warren G and then tells his mother that he hopes he dies before her so she can bury him and he doesn’t have to bury her. That’s just wrong, Snoop.

– For people who really like their moms

Josh Groban – You Raise Me Up If you forgot to get mom a gift and you want to do something that will reduce her to tears and make her forget what an unthoughtful child you are, sing this to her. And if you get down on one knee and belt this out -even off key - while staring admirably into her eyes, it will be like going to confession. You’ll be instantly absolved of any asshole behavior she was mad at you for.

2PAC – Dear Mama Even with all the talk about being a crack fiend and a dead father, this is kind of sweet. Though I always thought if Tupac really wanted to make things up to his mom, giving her a diamond necklace was a lazy way to prove that.

Boyz II Men – A Song For Mama – Because her love is like tears from the stars. Wait, what?

Three Dog Night – Mama Told Me Not To Come A cautionary tale where the motto is “Always listen to your mother.” If you mom tells you not to go to a party and you go anyhow, don’t be surprised when you come to from a blackout, your girlfriend has been roofied and you’re still tripping balls. Your mother is always right.

The Rolling Stones – Mother’s Little Helper You call it a song about pill addiction. I say it’s an acknowledgment that some mothers put up with a lot of shit and manage to keep the house clean and the kids fed and dressed while putting up with that shit and hey, if she needs a little something to help get her through the day, so be it. Play this one for your mom and she will thank you for recognizing her hard work as well has her unselfishness in doing what it takes to get by.

Metallica – Am I Evil Why is this on the same last as a tear-fest from Josh Groban? Because a song about spending your life seeking revenge on those who burned your witch mother alive at the stake is a wonderful Mother’s Day sentiment.

And for those who have a special MILF in their life, there’s always Fountains of Wayne’s “Stacy’s Mom” or Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg’s “Mother Lover.”

Just a word of advice: If anyone tells you to put Blink 182’s “Mother’s Day” on a mix for your mom – don’t. Trust me (same applies to Guttermouth’s “Lucky the Donkey”).

Of course I left a lot of songs off this list. What’s a list without you commenting on what I forgot?

Happy Mother’s Day!