Doing my taxes made me feel guilty
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Just got my tax return, and boy, do I feel guilty.
I expected to feel mad.
In past years, I’ve had to pay a substantial amount of taxes because of my independent contractor jobs, and this year, I set aside my last large paycheck to pay our yearly income taxes.
But last year was not like most years.
“We better not have to pay taxes,”my husband said. “We didn’t make any money.”
I started off last year making peanuts, working 60 hours a week in a full time journalism job. I hated it so much it literally made me sick, and in May, I quit for health reasons. I spent the summer reinventing myself as a blogger and a freelancer, which was not particularly lucrative for the first six months.
Meanwhile, my husband was in school full time, working on his nursing degree.
We scraped by, and I mean scraped. We racked up a bit of credit card debt, used our savings and relied on our parents for some much-needed help. We almost moved home and moved in with our parents when I got a teaching job that would get us by until my husband could start working as a nurse.
If you’re a regular reader, you know that I spend my days writing about programs that help the poor. Earned Income Tax Credits, education tax credits, welfare, food stamps, etc. Generally, I’m in favor of those programs, as long as they work efficiently and effectively (some do, some don’t).
But for my 2009 income taxes, it’s become a bit of a conflict of interest situation, and that’s why I feel guilty.
We didn’t pay. We got a refund. And a pretty big one, at least in terms of the money we’ve been making lately.
For the first year ever, we qualified for the Earned Income Tax Credit. We got a Making Work Pay bonus, and an American Opportunity Tax Credit. Plus, we got back most of the pittance we paid in withholding in the first place.
I think programs like EITC and Making Work Pay are great. I want them to help people. I just feel this inexplicable guilt that they’re helping me.
Is it that I feel shameful for getting help? It wouldn’t surprise me. Every day, someone leaves a comment on something I write, saying that whoever I’m writing about doesn’t deserve the help they’re getting, much less more. It wouldn’t be too big a psychological leap to think these comments have made me afraid of getting government help. Actually, now that I think about it, I’m sure someone will leave a comment on this post, telling me how lazy pansies like me that quit their jobs don’t deserve the help of hardworking taxpayer dollars, and instead, I should be made to starve in a pit filled with disease-ridden roaches.
Or do I feel guilty because I think I don’t deserve it?
While technically, we fall in the income limits, I wouldn’t say we live in poverty. We have a modest apartment in a nice neighborhood, a decent car that runs pretty well. We both have degrees and cell phones (just the regular kind – no smart phones for us). I sponsor little girl in Egypt through Save the Children. We go out to a cheap dinner once a month or so with our friends and buy three buck chuck at Trader Joes.
But, we don’t have health insurance, or after last year, much savings. Since we turned off our cable after the digital switch, we don’t get TV anymore. When we needed new sheets, I bought them at the thrift store. I knit every one of our Christmas presents this year, until my hands ached from too many hats and scarves.We’re not destitute, but we’re not affluent either.
Still, I see our government in crisis. Deficits up the wazoo, and it’s getting worse every day. My own state is struggling to balance the budget, and may cut teachers in increase class sizes if we can’t pay for public education. Should I really be getting money back in this kind of climate?
We sat down and discussed what to do with the money. Although we talked about the more glamorous option of taking a vacation for our five year wedding anniversary, we settled on paying off our credit cards. I guess that’s being an adult for you. Get a big check and spend it on the groceries and gas you couldn’t afford last year.
I heard the IRS always accepts donations. I wonder if they get many. I do feel guilty, but not guilty enough to give the money back. Unglamorous as it may be, the thought of no more credit card debt really helps me sleep better at night, and a good night’s sleep is priceless.
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My concern is that we are being paid to spend money. Does that make sense? Government writing checks to banks and business so that investers don’t suffer. Government sending checks to us so that we can spend money and thus stimulate the economy. Does any of this sound like a sustainable economic policy?
I agree, Scott. I actually thought about how I would be a disappointment to the government, as I am using my tax rebate to pay off debt rather than to spend.
A good part of the reason we’re in this mess is because people spent more than they saved, and it became such a phenomenon in every part of our society that we all thought easy money was something we deserved. I don’t think it makes sense to ask people to keep spending. How is it sustainable? I don’t know, and it worries me.
In response to another comment. See in context »Wouldn’t it make more sense to have the govt put money into a nationwide work program, rebuilding infrastructure, schools etc. That would get money to people via real wages and accomplish a needed task. As opposed to going further into deficit by simply handing out money. Politics!
In response to another comment. See in context »Living as you do, modestly, would be considered virtuous and middle-class a few generations ago. Sadly, now, it seems like you are “poor”. Americans now believe that middle class is a McMansion and a Lexus and a week long cruise every year with your family. AND not having to pay any taxes. My husband and I combined for a six figure household income, our home is over 2000 sq. ft (we live in a flyover state) and we both drive newish (economical, gas-saver) cars. But we’re getting almost half our federal income tax back. I’m not sure why. It’s really nice … we’re using that money to invest and pay down some of our car/student loan debt. 20 years ago we’d be “upper middle class”, but now, with little change in real income, we’re deserving of a lot more tax breaks? We’re not even close to the hallowed 250K plus beneficiaries. It doesn’t make much sense to me.
I don’t understand why everyone’s whining about taxes. Just today I had a friend declare he’s no longer Democrat, but Libertarian because he’s “disgusted” by the federal income tax. Not liking taxes doesn’t make you libertarian. If so, Ron Paul would be emperor of the world. Americans have gorged themselves on this sense of entitlement, so much so that we can’t realize how fortuitous our position actually is.
I know I’m lucky. It’s a shame so few of us see how much we get out for so little truly paid in.
Think the millionaire/politician/rancher/moviestar (not to single anyone out, just making a point) feels bad getting that gov. subsidy not to grow something? Worry about something else, your too honest!
Eventually you will become a big time tax payer to the Federal Government. When your career blossoms and the hubby is a full time nurse, the IRS will get plenty of your paycheck as will the Social security administration. Enjoy the leniency while you are young. It will not last long. Also: “these are the gold old days”
Dont really understand, do you?
[...] that as it may: I thought this was pretty interesting, from Megan Cottrell at True/Slant. Do you think the IRS ever gets [...]
Megan,
You are at career-building and, with luck, wealth-building point in your lives. You didn’t quit a job and then watch soap operas all day you invested in developing your business.
As it so happens, you don’t need to borrow big bucks to buy machinery or rent big office space to show that you are an entrepreneur. But you are an entrepreneur investing in your future. In my view you shouldn’t be paying big taxes when you are laying the foundation for the future. You could even view your refund as an entrepreneurial tax credit — which is good for the economy in the long run. To allay your guilt, consider writing a business plan and how much you are willing to invest in it before getting real returns.
Paying down debt rather than spending puts a lid on economic growth for now but sets things up for the future on much better footing. No need for guilt here. Sounds like you’re headed in a good direction.
Don’t take this the wrong way, but you should feel guilty.
Pointing out (as some commenters have) that there are others who receive more and don’t feel guilty, doesn’t make not feeling guilty right. Likewise, recognizing that accepting those benefits helps you out personally doesn’t negate the harm that is done to others to provide those benefits.
The justification for the violence that comes naturally with taxation is that it helps people in need. If you don’t need the help then that points to a problem in the system, and lessens the legitimacy of the argument that taxation is justified.
Consider the similarities between the tax system and an organized crime protection racket. They share at least common methods. Don’t pay the local gang’s thugs? Your shop window gets busted. Don’t pay the IRS? Your house gets taken away. Kick up too much of a fuss, and you’ll be locked in a cage. Resist that too much and you will get whacked. The only difference is that there is this belief floating out there that somehow the government protection racket is okay because the money goes to do things that really need to get done, or to help people that really need it. In truth most of it goes to waging war at home and abroad, or enriching politicians and their corporate friends. Now you’re conflicted about how you should feel about claiming a tiny peice of the little bit that is left over to help the needy?
The more important question is how guilty you should feel about paying the taxes, because that’s supporting that system, but at least by paying you’re trying to accept as little of this blood money as possible. Better morally to be a victim than a purpetrator, I reason.
I can’t fault you for your choice, we’re all in different places in life. But I also can’t honestly reassure you that it was the right thing to do.
I agree with Nancy, you and your husband will have years of opportunity to pay the IRS. Keep your personal debt at a minimum but allow yourself and extravagance or two when you can – as an entrepreneur you’ll work harder for that reward. Besides, even Mercedes Benz needs to sell product. Tom Medlicott
I vote for don’t feel guilty. The real problem, among many others, is the de-taxation of the wealthiest. If they paid a fair share of taxes, and that money was used to rebuild infrastructure and improve communities, our society would be much better off in many ways, not just better infrastructure but higher wages. I saw recently, for example, that if the 1970 minimum wage is converted to 2009 dollars, it would be $20 an hour instead of $7 or $8 an hour. This is why I refuse to shop WalMart until it pays union level wages (or becomes unionized), as well as any other company that does not pay a living wage. I happily pay more even though we don’t have that much either.
If you’re interested in the topic, I’d point you to two recent links I’ve come across that describe parts of the larger problem:
http://wealthforcommongood.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/ShiftingResponsibility.pdf
http://www.zerohedge.com/article/guest-post-its-impossible-get-us
Whether you’re starting out, or about to retire, everybody in this society contributes one way or another. It’s inhumane (even silly) to assume everybody who is not a cog in a corporate machine somewhere has no value to all of us. Or that only wealthy people should be allowed to have kids (because they’re the only ones that can afford them).
I think this is very good, and I also have some attention。