Yankee Bailout!
Fed To Announce “Term Yankee Ticket Lending Facility”!
Today the Federal Reserve, in coordination with The United States Treasury Department and Major League Baseball, are announcing a new facility to put fannies in the seats at the new Yankee Stadium. The New York Yankees are suffering incredible embarrassment as many of their best seats go unfilled as fans balked at paying prices ranging from $2,500 to $375 for premium seating. Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke stated
“What’s bad for the New York Yankees is bad for baseball, and what’s bad for baseball is bad for America. Clearly disruptions in private consumption and liquidity, brought on by the credit crisis, have led to these seats being sold at “fire sale” prices in the secondary market at less than fifty cents on the dollar. These purchase prices are not true market based prices but rather distressed sales. Since, just like our “Legacy Loan” and “Legacy Security” programs, the ticket prices the New York Yankees have set are the correct prices and are not being met due to a severe and extraordinary lack of liquidity. Therefore, we are announcing the following initiatives;
1. A modest $50 million term lending facility will be set up. This facility will lend on a non-recourse basis, 90% of the listed ticket prices. Therefore, on a $2,500 ticket, the Fed will lend to credit-worthy investors $2,250 AND invest along side with this private capital dollar for dollar. This way, Lord willing, if the Yankees make the playoffs, the taxpayer will share in the upside should anyone be insane enough to pay more than $2,500 for a ticket to a baseball game! It should be noted that the games the government gets will consist of a special package of weeknight only games against the Kansas City Royals, Baltimore Orioles, Cleveland Indians, Texas Rangers and Minnesota Twins.
via MonkeyBusinessBlog.
Eric Salzman over at the Monkey Business blog came up with this, which is hilarious. Do people realize how incredibly nuts this Toxic Asset deal is? It makes me feel like Lloyd Blankefein has just peed in my mouth.
Post Your Comment
You must be logged in to post a comment
T/S Members
Log in with your True/Slant account.
Why would you put the twins in that group? Jesus, at least they win championships AND they are financially responsible!
First off, thanks for keeping this blog, it’s a lot of fun to read.
Second, I subscribe to your blog and view it via your RSS feed in Google Reader. Unlike most feeds I subscribe to, all the paragraphs show up in reader run together, and sometimes html formatting code shows up as well. Maybe you want to look into that, or have your tech guy deal with it?
You’d think they’d at least give us a little peck on the cheek while fucking us.
To fill those seats, it would take more than just federal term lending. The Yankees might have to finally learn how to hit with runners in scoring position.
Lord blankefein will wiretap your ass if you mention his name too many times..