The End of American Culture, Part II

If there’s one thing Americans love, it’s arguing about how debased and shameful our culture has become — and how much it’s someone else’s fault. And it’s to these self-appointed cultural guardians who tirelessly dedicate themselves to explaining to the hoi polloi how much we don’t really enjoy ourselves, to these self-contradictory tastemakers who happily give of themselves in a quest to help us tell our art from asses, we dedicate this feature: The End of American Culture.

The new villain whose existence threatens the American way of life this week? Inappropriate commercials during football games.

PETA — lovers of both animals and free publicity — let it be known this week that it had created a television ad that posits the benefits of a vegetarian diet, particularly that those who eschew flesh at dinnertime see more of it at bedtime. In short, as PETA puts it: “vegetarians have better sex.” Here’s how they present their theory:

Not exactly scientifically sound, but eye-catching.

Lo and behold, NBC refused to air the ad as it stood, declaring (according to PETA) that it “depicts a level of sexuality exceeding our standards.”

NBC’s advertising standards department advised PETA that edits would have to be made if the ad was to run, says PETA, but the group refused to remove shots including models licking pumpkin, rubbing pelvic regions with pumpkin and rubbing asparagus on their breasts. (LATimes.com — “PETA’s Super Bowl Commercial Nixed by NBC”)

On its blog, PETA outlines some of the other more explicit changes NBC requested and it refused to make.

Boy, we dodged a bullet there, right? Thanks to the steady hand of NBC, American children will be able to watch the eight-hour onslaught of violence, preening egomania, ostentatiousness and conspicuous consumerism on Sunday unmolested by pretty ladies. I guess it all depends on which Commandment you consider the most worthwhile.

But wait! It’s not just one commercial that’s destroying all we hold holy and dear in America. According to Common Sense Media, the steady diet of violence, erectile dysfunction medicines, scantily clad women, double-entendres and Charlie Sheen that pervade most commercials aired during football games have made the weekly NFL broadcast seem more like the No Families League (I just made that up; James Steyer, CEO and Founder of Common Sense Media, you can have that one for free).

Common Sense Media has thoughtfully compiled the offending promotions:

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So to sum up: It’s not the on-field violence, off-field criminal behavior, condoned thuggishness, greed and drunkenness that makes a broadcast football game off-limits in the family room, it’s the commercials. All clear now…

I don’t doubt that some of these ads are too much for children — but if that’s the case, then isn’t the game itself too much, for these same children? To say the ads during a football broadcast aren’t family friendly, but somehow Jeremy Shockey and Plaxico Burress are… isn’t that missing the point?

And go Steelers.