‘The Mentalist’ Is a Real Time-Saver

According to Slate.com, the era of the crime procedural show is over (though, apparently, Slate didn’t tell Dick Wolf). The super-science and flatfoot follow-through of the “Law and Order” and “CSI” franchises, “Numb3rs,” “Fringe,” “Without a Trace,” etc, etc, etc… is waning in the face of charming new crime scene hero: The flinty-eyed hero of CBS’s “The Mentalist.”

No DNA detection need he… The Mentalist (aka “Thomas Jane,” aka actor Simon Baker) is a former fake phychic who uses his powers of observation, charm, pursed lips and runway model-hair to hoodwink criminals into revealing their true selves. He carries no gun or badge, has no super powers, no cool uniform (though his athletic cut suits flatter in all the right places). He’s like Batman, without the gadgets or uncomfortable banter with a young boy. And it’s all because Jane, as Slate attests, can see what other man cannot:

“I ask you, ladies: What is more attractive than a man who pays attention? A guy who understands your emotions better than you do? As an “independent consultant” to the California Bureau of Investigation, Jane’s job is to go around feeling things. He displays keen intuition, yes—watch him serially humiliate a local-yokel sheriff at rock-paper-scissors—but he’s also got hands good enough to hypnotize a distraught interviewee at a touch or to pickpocket a villain.”

But if Mental Jane sounds familiar, it’s because he’s an amalgam of two other shows. Television has a long tradition of flat-out copying a successful show, or of melding two successful hits into one less successful show (“It’s ‘Cheers’ set in a diner…” “It’s ‘Roseanne’ meets ‘Queen for a Day…’”). But “The Mentalist” is neither. For the first time, a television network has tried to blend together two shows that were nearly identical to begin with into a third, identical show.

“Monk” was one the USA network’s first original hits — a show successful enough that it has formed the foundation for the cable channel’s entire identity now (“Characters Welcome.”) Tony Shaloub’s Adrian Monk is a “consultant” for the San Francisco PD who uses his quirky powers of observation and intuition to connect dots the detectives can’t. Indeed, Monk is so good at his job that he gave birth to “Shawn Spencer,” the character James Roday plays on USA’s “Psych.”

Roday’s Spencer is also a consultant to the local PD; he also uses his powers of observation to beat the badges at their own game. He flirts where Monk will brood, but otherwise, he’s the same.

Oh — and both shows are comedies. The “cases” such as they are are mere backdrops to the lead’s quirky characteristics and Tracey-Hepburn banter. Indeed, you can usually pick out the killer by looking at the credits before the show even begins; if you’ve got a guest star whose Q-rating is equal to or higher than the leads, put your money on him to have blood on his hands.

And now here comes The Mentalist — more a public service than a crime drama, because when you watch “The Mentalist,” you’re getting three shows for the price of one. Think of all the free time, not to mention disc space on the TiVO that frees up. But if you’re the kind of person who gets hung up on titles instead of genres, here’s a handy guide to tell one from the other:

Character Name/Show: Adrian Monk / “Monk”

“Power:” Insultingly simplified version of OCD leads him to notice the “little things” the police miss

Dark Secret: As a police detective, his wife was killed by a criminal he’s never been able to catch. The grief sent his OCD into overdrive, but also compelled him to quit the force and attend hilariously awkward psychotherapy sessions

Attire: The same boxy suit (Apparently, he’s also afraid of tailors)

Grooming Habits: Neat to a fault

Sidekick/Sexual Tension: Perky assistant Natalie Teeger (played by Traylor Howard) / None

Exasperated Supervisor: Capt. Leland Stottlemeyer (Ted Levine)

Product Placement? None

Wry Funny or Ha-Ha Funny? Ha-ha funny

Character Name/Show: Shawn Spencer / “Psych”

“Power:” Works with astoundingly inept police department who don’t notice basic clues or plot points, which makes him look like a genius

Dark Secret: As a child, his police-officer father mentally abused him by trying to train him to be a responsible adult. His father also wore a rug.

Attire: Hipster

Grooming Habits: Immaculately just-out-of-bed

Sidekick/Sexual Tension: Burton “Gus” Guster (Dule Hill) / Yes, but not in a homosexual way, just in a heterosexual life-partner way

Exasperated Supervisor: Chief Karen Vick (Kirsten Nelson, who aims to be exasperated, but generally only accomplishes shrill)

Product Placement? Yes, and not even smoothly done

Wry Funny or Ha-Ha Funny? Ha-ha funny

Character Name/Show: Patrick Jane / “The Mentalist”

“Power:” Mesmerizes by crinkling his nose and making his voice raspy and sexy

Dark Secret: As a fake TV psychic, his wife and child were offed by a serial killer his wrote off as a phony. Now he uses his non-existent powers for good

Attire: Runway-cut suits with just a hint of insoucient wrinkle and lots of vests

Grooming Habits: Hollywood stubble

Sidekick/Sexual Tension: Agent Teresa Lisbon (Robin Tunney)

Exasperated Supervisor: I think there’s some sort of Perry White-type senior agent or captain, but he never seems to be around.

Product Placement? Give it time

Wry Funny or Ha-Ha Funny? Wry “funny”