Leno, Letterman and Oprah create the most memorable ad of Super Bowl XLIV. (AP)

In the world of ridiculous Television Extravaganzas, the NFL Super Bowl is the ne plus ultra of telecasts: the most massively watched telecast of the year whose ostensible purpose is important only to a minority of viewers; indeed, for most viewers, the football game is beside the point.

Yes, people watch the Oscars for the fashions, but they also care about the speeches and the winners. But the Super Bowl is such a cavalcade of TV shenanigans and glitzy distractions and misdirection — from commercials to musical performances to one massive, five-hour marketing ploy for the broadcasting network — that the actual game, however exciting (and this year’s was a great one) is only a minor portion of the entire secular holiday spectacle.

All of which makes the Super Bowl telecast the most American of commercial TV ventures: A made-for-TV gala more memorable and valuable for its hype and expectations than as an actual event.

Focus on the Family wins the award for best use of a Super Bowl commercial because it played that hype to perfection. Its commercial itself wasn’t a winner — it was a quick, cheap spot whose pro-life conservative religious message was surprisingly muted and watered down for the mass audience. And it wasn’t memorable for its ability to drive curious viewers to the Focus on the Family Web site (we won’t know how much Internet traffic it generated unless Focus on the Family tells us). It’s a winner for its ability to do exactly what a commercial should: it raised awareness of the cash-strapped organization and its message, thanks to a heavy pre-Super Bowl coverage from the media. In terms of strict ROI, Focus on the Family got well more than its money’s worth, as thousands of gallons of (virtual) ink were spilled covering the shock and dismay pro-choice organizations expressed over CBS’s choice to open its telecast to issue ads — particularly this one. And Focus on the Family played the controversy to perfection, refusing to show anyone the ad beforehand and refusing to even say how many spots it paid for — leading some to conjecture that America’s biggest football game would become sea of pro-life religious indoctrination. It didn’t.

The commercial also proved one of polical journalism’s greatest tenents: If you don’t have an actual controversy, cover the potential for controversy; it’s the next best thing when you don’t have actual news. In the end, Focus on the Family aired the television equivalant of those “Choose Life” license plates; it was forgotten by the fourth quarter and America’s political muckrakers have likely already moved on to the next front in the culture wars.

I supposed we should have expected that.

What we couldn’t have expected, however, was the site of Jay Leno and David Letterman sharing a couch and a commercial:

Really, the CBS promo spot for Letterman’s “Late Show” — hatched by Letterman himself – will be called by critics a smart move for both men. They’ll say that, for Leno, it looks like he has a sense of humor about himself and maybe buys him some good will after the NBC late night debacle of last month. But the truth is this: For Letterman, after weeks of mercilessly mocking his former friend and once-again late night rival, the spot makes him look magnanimous — but still infinitely hipper than the damaged NBC star. What’s the underlying lesson here? That only Letterman, famous for mocking guests he deems deserving, would have the gumption to invite Leno to be in his commercial — and then mock him in it? Or that only Leno could be so clueless and/or desperate that he’d agree to do it?

Either way: Advantage Letterman.

Beyond that, this year’s crop of Super Bowl ads were fairly ordinary — Doritos and Bud Lite and car commercials and little else we’ll be talking about a year from now. After four hours of bleary-eyed TV viewing, here’s what I’ve learned:

– American marketers believe that going pantsless if funny (I agree) and that the American man is in danger of becoming too feminized (I disagree).

– VW wins the prize for having the only commercial this year featuring a guy getting punched in the boys. Way to keep the tradition alive!

– Sterling Sharpe needs to learn to use his “inside voice.”

– What’s left of Roger Daltrey’s voice isn’t doing any favors to what’s left of the Who. Do you think Kenny Jones knew something, long before the rest of us, when he chose not to tour with them anymore? Still they finished strong (and having a Nigel Tufnel look-alike on drums was an inspired choice).

– Will.i.am will do anything for money. Apparently so will Jim McMahon, but I can’t begrudge him that. He looked like he needed it.

– Scratch the above. KISS will do anything for money. Is it possible for a lame cartoon band to become an even bigger caricature of itself? Looks like KISS is aiming to try…

– Why is Google buying ad time? When your company name has become a verb, you’re pretty much set in the brand awareness category… go have a coffee and relax.

– Memo to GoDaddy.com: A few years ago, you could have passed as sexy and provocative. Now you’re just a floozy in an age-inappropriate cocktail dress deluding yourself into thinking you can still wow the pants off of younger men. You’re not. And it’s sad. Let it go…

So… congratulations to the New Orleans Saints and I’m going to sleep.

Actor Bryan Batt aims to get cozy... (Image by Getty Images via Daylife)

That is… if you find upholstery sexy.

Closeted/uncloseted art director Salvatore Romano may not have made the transition to Don Draper’s new ad agency in “Mad Men,” but fear not for the actor who portrayed him.

Bryan Batt is falling back on his other career as an interior designer (he co-owns a design store in New Orleans) and has signed on with Playboy Enterprises, Inc. to design a limited-edition love seat to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the founding of the Playboy Clubs.

It’s going to be called “The Hef” and each love seat will be signed by the pajama-clad lothorio himself.

Sal may be designing it, but with a cheese factor that high, sounds like it’s something more to Roger Sterling’s liking.

It’s been a long time since “Saturday Night Live” made me laugh out loud:

Thanks, Will Forte…

U. of Florida QB Tim Tebow, the focus of Sunday's Super Bowl ad barrage. (CBS News)

Driving to work this morning, I heard a commercial on WTOP — our local all-news radio station here in Washington, DC — that tried to sell me Jesus (or, at least, sell me on Jesus).

It wasn’t unusual; the regional McLean Bible Church (which has several large campuses around the area) regularly pays to air messages from its pastor, Lon Solomon, on WTOP. Solomon always ends his messages with the phrase “Not a sermon… just a thought.” His tag line is, of course, disingenuous; the commercials are very much mini-sermons tied to popular culture or events (sometimes intriguingly so), telling me that a better life is just around the corner — filled with inner peace, happiness and true growth and strength as a person, a father and a community member — as soon as I accept Christ as my savior. (You can hear the commercials at NotaSermon.org.)

Whenever I hear a “Not a Sermon” message, I always think about the decision process at WTOP that led to its airing. This being Washington, DC, and home to the federal agencies and branches of government that decide legislation, regulations and control billions of dollars in appropriations, WTOP is often awash in issue-advocacy ads from industry groups, lobbyists and the like. But Lon Solomon’s sermons aren’t pushing for clean coal, net neutrality or any other issue — they’re spiritual ads advocating a particular religion and a particular way of religious life.

And while I may hang out in the NPR-listening, Washington Post-reading, secular realm of our nation’s capital — WTOP has clearly decided there’s a large portion of its audience that accepts public proclamations of faith and sermonizing as a regular part of its daily digest of news, sports and traffic on the eights. Some of them even welcome it. I can’t speak for WTOP, but I’m sure, as a top-rated radio station in a competitive market, they’ve got the research to show that Lon Solomon’s evangelism is good for business.

I mention all this because I think the same thinking is going on at CBS this week, as the network gets ready to air the broadcast centerpiece to America’s great secular holiday feast: Super Bowl XLIV.

CBS has, to much teeth-gnashing from pro-choice quarters, accepted a paid advertisement from Focus on the Family, the conservative Christian organization formerly led by Dr. James Dobson. The ad features University of Florida’s star quarterback Tim Tebow and his mother Pam — and while it hasn’t been seen yet, it’s widely reported to be a pro-life ad highlighting Pam Tebow’s decision to not abort her son Tim 23 years ago, despite risks and complications during her pregnancy. Uber-lawyer Gloria Allred is leading a fight to discredit the accuracy of the ad, which is set to air Sunday during the Super Bowl.

It’s a stunning move, as broadcast networks usually shy away from airing ads that take on heated religious and cultural issues — particularly during major broadcasts. But CBS has publicly stated that it’s rethinking that position — and the Tebow ad could be the first of a flood of issue-advocacy groups who want a part of your mindshare during your favorite sports telecast.

On Friday, CBS rejected a Super Bowl ad submitted to it by ManCrunch.com — a new, online gay dating site — telling the site that the ad’s “creative is not within the network’s broadcast standards for Super Bowl Sunday.” Here’s the ad:

(CBS also stated it was unsure ManCrunch could afford the $2.5 million price tag for the ad; ManCrunch says it has the cash.)

At least for the moment, let’s overlook the ludicrousness that is this particular double-standard. After all, the networks’ NFL broadcasts are a haven for gauzy and jaunty-themed erectile dysfunction ads — and the recent ad campaign for KY’s Yours and Mine “couples lubricant” had no trouble finding a home on network TV:

But somehow the ManCrunch.com ad is too explicit? Perhaps CBS hasn’t been watching any of its soap operas.

But again, let’s ignore that for a moment and focus instead on this:

Like the sermons airing on my local all-news radio station, these Super Bowl ad decisions are not random events. In a competitive marketplace and during a down economy, when Super Bowl ad prices have already started to slide (NBC charged upwards of $3 million per 30-second spot in 2009, CBS is getting $2.5 to 2.7 million this year), CBS is making a calculated and, I’d wager, well-researched decision. More than just desperately chasing available cash (CBS says its Sunday broadcast is just about sold out), the Eye network is betting that it knows the profile of its NFL audience and knows best which messages will maximize its advertising partners’ impact on that audience.

Ads don’t air randomly. When you’re watching TV, there’s a reason every commercial you see is airing at that moment — and it mostly has to do with who you are; or at least, who the broadcaster thinks you are.

CBS is rolling the dice about what it thinks its NFL audience wants to see and will accept. Super Bowl ads in the past have been rejected by CBS and others (think last year’s PETA ad that NBC nixed), but the decisions about the Tebow ad and the ManCrunch ad (plus CBS’s rejection of this gay-themed GoDaddy.com ad), taken together, give us a clear picture of what CBS thinks of its NFL broadcast audience: conservative, Christian and shunning of depictions of alternative definitions of family and faith.

Is that a sweeping generalization on the part of CBS? Of course it is. But when you’re dealing with an audience in the tens of millions, you have to make some generalizations. And in its Super Bowl ad decisions this year, CBS thinks it generally knows you.

Does it?

……..

(Image via Wikipedia)

I made a bit of a promise to myself last week that I was done with the whole Leno/Conan imbroglio. I had analyzed, barked, got snarky, waxed philosophic… frankly I was tired. It was what it was; while I can see the merit in Leno’s argument that NBC’s epically stupid management was really the villain in this whole mess, I still think, in the end, the lesser comedian wound up on top.

(And, Jay… don’t give me that “I’m just an employee here…” business. You told Oprah that you agreed to retake “The Tonight Show” out of a deep concern was that your 170 employees be able to continue working and supporting their families. Please. As Oprah pointed out repeatedly, you could have negotiated a severance for your staff the way another late night comedian just did. Plus: if you have sway over 170 staffers, you’re not “just an employee.” You’re a big shot. Start acting like one.)

Yes, it does all come down to ratings and money, as Leno told Oprah yesterday — and in that, we can’t be totally surprised about how things turned out.

But what is surprising is how the whole episode turned ultimate late-night after-thought Jimmy Kimmel into a TV player. (Scratch that. Carson Daley is the ultimate late-night after-thought. Kimmel’s the penultimate after-thought. Management regrets the error.)

After repeatedly mocking Leno on his own “Jimmy Kimmel Live” — and then embarrassing Leno live, to his face, on Leno’s show, Kimmel’s still scoring points off the weakened late night comedian:

“You know, at one point, he used to be a comedian.”

You know your reputation is in tatters when Jimmy Kimmel feels free to kick you repeatedly. I can understand Letterman baring teeth at Leno, but Kimmel? He’s the Hydrox to NBC’s Oreos — tasty in a pinch, but hardly the gold standard of sandwich cookie snacks. But, like any well-schooled comedian, he saw blood in the water and went for the jugular.

Watching that clip above, I have to think: Man, it’s going to be a long road back for Leno. What that clip tells me — with the audience cheering Kimmel’s dismissive attitude toward Leno — is that there’s an entire generation of TV viewers who will no longer have anything to do with Jay Leno.

And in the long-run, NBC will pay the price for that.