This could be my next gig, you never know. Image via Wikipedia

I’ve learned a great deal at my time here on True/Slant – mostly that blogging is damn hard work and you’ve got to be passionate about your subject or it’s not worth it for either the reader or the writer. That said, I will continue to write about the topics I am most passionate about – living well after 40, sex, relationships, parenting, and promoting a healthy self-image for women of all ages – all served up with a dash of humor and pinch of spice.

You can find me at my blog Forty Fabulous (www.fortyfabulous.blogspot.com) and at Makeitbetter.net where, among other things, I write the monthly “Sex and the Suburbs” column. If you’re interested, follow these links to my recent pieces on Staying Sexy at Every Age and how to deal with a Sexless Marriage. And feel free to follow me on twitter.

I still have high hopes for becoming the next Oprah, even though my audition video only gained a handful of votes. Perhaps I’m better suited to  The View.

Thanks to everyone at True/Slant for allowing me to be part of such a wonderful group of writers. It has been an honor. Good luck to all.

Cover via Amazon

Last Saturday night, seven of my girlfriends (who prefer to remain anonymous) and I headed to the S-Factor in Chicago to try a new type of workout, pole dancing. None of us had ever danced with a pole before (well, I once wound streamers around a May pole in 2nd grade, but that doesn’t count) and we were a bit nervous.

The common view of pole dancing is that it’s slutty and sleazy and only performed for the pleasure of lecherous, drooling, dollar bill wielding men. We were a group of forty-something, married moms with jobs and responsibilities; not exactly the exotic dancer type.

But still, we were curious. It sounded kind of naughty. And fun.

My 16 year-old son, Nick, learned about my plan and was appalled. He texted his buddy.

“Do you know our moms are going pole dancing?”

His friend texted back immediately.

“That makes me very uncomfortable.”

We moms were uncomfortable too, especially at the idea of trying to look sultry and sensual in front of one another. Our husbands, however, were surprisingly accommodating. They happily volunteered to run carpools, make dinner, take the cat to the vet. “I got it covered, hon, you go on and have fun at that dance class.”

Here are three things I learned  from my first pole dancing class.

1. It’s not about how you look, it’s how you feel

The studio was dimly lit, and get this, had NO mirrors. Imagine our relief! Julie, our instructor, told us that we shouldnt be concerned with how we looked or doing any movement “correctly.” We should consider the room a safe place to just let go and have fun and feel good about ourselves.

2. Curves are captivating

In other fitness classes I’ve taken, I felt that fleshiness was shameful – a problem that needed fixing. But at S-Factor, the goal is for women to appreciate and enjoy their bodies as they are, not change them. Julie was gorgeous and sexy, but not skinny. She had boobs and a butt and man, could she flaunt ‘em. When demonstrating the “cat pounce” she  arched her back while pointing her tush at the ceiling. As I tried to follow along, for the first time in my life, I wished for a bigger ass.

3. Get in touch with yourself

Throughout the class Julie urged us to “put your hands on your curves.” Apparently, for a woman to be truly sexy she must know and own her body; to do that, she needs to be in contact with it. Touching ourselves – whether running a hand through our hair or massaging a knee – became part of the movements.

I felt awkward at first; it was certainly different than the pumping or punching arm moves required in aerobic or weight lifting classes. But I was feeling pretty comfortable in my own skin by the time class was over.

Several of my friends are signing up for the full 8-week course, which includes lap dancing and strip tease lessons (no nudity is allowed at S-Factor.) If you’re a woman who is feeling a little lackluster, I highly recommend you try a class like this. It was a surprisingly empowering experience that had little to do with pleasing men, and will  make you think of yourself in a whole new way.

If you’re not ready to tackle the class, watch actress Sheila Kelley, the founder of the S-Factor, teach Conan O’Brien some seductive moves in this hilarious video.

Hint: it doesn't have anything to do with grilling. Image by D'Arcy Norman via Flickr

I originally wrote this article for the June issue of Make It Better Magazine. Men, you’re welcome.

Want to know what your guy craves for Father’s Day?

Hint: it’s not a wireless grill thermometer. I’ve asked men all over the North Shore what they want and their answers might surprise you.

Oh, I got my share of flip responses. “Cubs tickets,” jokes David of Wilmette.

“Not to get bitched at,” moans his buddy Paul.

Guys don’t feel comfortable voicing what they’re missing because neediness is seen as weak and unmanly. David Klow, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Northwestern’s Family Institute, sees this in his men’s groups.

“Men are rarely asked what they want and have a hard time expressing it,” he says. “They’re taught to subvert their needs.”

Yet, I’ve managed to pry some tidbits of truth from these closed-mouthed clams. Here are three gifts that are sure to make your man happy at any time of year.

Appreciation

Men want to be acknowledged for what they contribute, including what they do at work. The office isn’t a place for self-actualization for many men; it’s a means to support their family. And given that life on the North Shore is expensive and the economy is tough, “The professional pressure is unfathomable,” says Ted from Lake Forest.

Klow often sees men with high-powered careers command respect and admiration at the office but come home to feel marginalized and even ridiculed. He calls it “King of the Boardroom, Jester of the Bedroom” syndrome.

Men long for recognition from their spouses. So take a look at all the things your man does, whether it’s making toaster pastries for the kids or hopping an early flight to Omaha—and tell him how much you value him.

Let Him Be the Man

Look, he’s a dude. He may not be as sensitive as your best friend or as nurturing as your mother, but he digs the macho part of himself and—admit it—you do, too. Living with someone just like you would be boring. And certainly not hot.

Klow likens a strong relationship to a car’s battery; you need a balance between positive and negative poles to maintain an electric charge. So when your man starts exerting his caveman side, don’t be too quick to quash it. It’s the differences between you that keep things interesting.

More Sex, Different Sex, Sex Initiated by YOU

You knew this one was coming, right? Yep, men hanker after more sex—the consensus is they’d like to have it every other day. But what they really desire is for you to want more sex.

Your man thinks you’re delectable. He doesn’t care about your jiggly thighs or crow’s feet; what turns him on most is your attitude.

Jeff, a pilot, says, “We want a hot lover—someone who enjoys receiving as much as giving pleasure. Being attractive is nice, but being fun and confident is much more exciting!”

Your husband would be thrilled if you’d take the initiative sexually or introduce something new. A little creativity could be something you’d both enjoy. After all, as Klow says, “familiarity can be the enemy of eroticism.”

via What Men Really Want, But Won’t Ask For.

I was so happy to see the calories listed on the Panera menu board I took a picture of it.

Yesterday I went to the Panera Bread in downtown Wilmette and was surprised to see the billboard menu now lists calorie content along with the price and description of each item.

The full disclosure was shocking.

Wait, I thought, now I can choose my lunch based not only on what sounds good, but how good an item is for me? What a radical idea!

Panera Bread is one of the first chain restaurants that voluntarily posts calorie counts in all their stores, but consumers are likely to see more restaurants follow suit as local governments – like New York City - pass laws that require the information.  And Michelle Obama’s campaign to end childhood obesity will likely bring increased focus to the need for Americans to make healthier food choices.

I’m no stranger to calorie counting. I went to Weight Watchers for years, I’ve got the Lose It! app on my iphone. I know I shouldn’t eat more than about 2000 calories a day or I’ll gain weight. Still, when I go to a restaurant I have no problem putting myself in a state of nutritional denial.

With calories listed on the menu I can’t do that. The information forces me to consider the trade-offs of taste and calories, which is actually very empowering.

“I like my hair! I like my haircuts! I like my whole house! I can do anything good! Yeah, yeah, yeah!”

All my mom’s friends were a bit worried about Jessica falling off the counter. We figured it was her dad doing the filming.

Wilmette has charming homes, brick paved streets, and problems like everywhere else.Image by iagoarchangel via Flickr

A recent article about my town, Wilmette, IL,  has the village buzzing.  According to The Onion, Wilmette will be the basis of a new TV show created by David Simon that will vigorously probe our citizens’ pervasive contentment, affluence and use of good grammar (see article below.)

It’s a spoof of course – there won’t be a casting call for extras at the Village Hall – but the real implication is that nothing bad ever happens in Wilmette. If only that were true.

Yes, Wilmette is wonderful community to live in – it’s safe, friendly, clean and perfectly situated on the lake and  close to Chicago . But, like everywhere, bad things go down here too. I’m not just talking about rats and robbers. I’m talking about the big stuff. In the last 5 years we’ve had a number of shockers – a waitress gunned down on the street in front of her daughter, a murder-suicide next door to a church, drug busts, corrupt politicos, and far too many suicides.

My kids know that when there are  helicopters circling over the neighborhood, they need to get inside.

A heartbreaking situation that’s going on right now is the fallout from  a hit-and-run accident that occurred on Friday afternoon near New Trier High School. An 18 year-old Wilmette girl hit a 16 year-old girl from Glencoe in a busy intersection, then drove away. The injured girl is in critical condition at Evanston Hospital after having brain surgery. The driver (a high school senior) is in jail. From all reports, she simply panicked. Her bail was set at $500,000; her family can’t afford to pay the $50,000 needed to gain her release.

If only Wilmette were as problem free as the Onion makes our village out to be. It is a funny article though.

NEW YORK—Speaking at an HBO press junket Monday, acclaimed writer-producer David Simon, creator of the gritty urban dramas The Wire and Treme, announced that his next project will be an epic, multilayered examination of the contented and comfortable streets of suburban Wilmette, IL.

Enlarge Image

Critics have praised the show’s true-to-life depiction of Wilmette’s occasional recycling-pickup problem.

According to Simon, the sprawling new series, tentatively titled The Township, will offer a searing and unsentimental glimpse into the happy social fabric of modern-day Wilmette, an area known for its deeply untroubled history and well-functioning political structure.

“As a writer, my mission is to tell a story that makes viewers think about how conditions in American cities are created,” Simon told reporters. “We can't just turn our back on the staggering levels of happiness occurring in a place like Wilmette and say, 'Well, that's not my life.' We have to confront this tranquility head-on and shine a light on the institutions that are responsible for it.”

Added Simon, “I want this show to be an unflinching dissection of how the system has in no way failed the people of this town.”

According to HBO sources, the novelistic series will chronicle the interconnected web of police officers, politicians, tradespeople, teachers, and ordinary families who are “all complicit” in perpetuating the cycle of institutional effectiveness that makes Wilmette the seventh best place in the country to raise children.

via New David Simon Project To Investigate Happy, Upper-Middle-Class Streets Of Wilmette, IL | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source.

Henri Matisse "Bathers by a River" 1909

Last week I went to see the spectacular Matisse exhibition,  Radical Invention 1912-1917 , at the Art Institute of Chicago where I was inspired by something unexpected – the artist’s mistakes.

During this period, Henri Matisse was exploring new ideas about form and structure and you could tell it didn’t come easily to him. Unlike his later cheerful goldfish paintings or the vivid, lyrical cutouts he’s most famous for, these paintings are heavier, darker, and fretted over.

Matisse had obviously made corrections to many of his paintings –  changed the position of a figure or improved its line. But instead of covering up his attempts, he left them partially exposed, like shadowy echos of his final subjects.  By “showing his work,” Matisse was saying that the initial efforts, while unsatisfactory,  were as important to the piece as the end result itself.

Seeing his creative process there on the canvas was fascinating. And motivating.

I mean, all of us, no matter what we are trying to achieve, only reach success after making a bunch of false starts, blunders and repairs. It made me happy to see all those missteps on Matisse’s canvases. The fact that even the masters mess up makes me see a lot more value in making mistakes of my own.

Henri Matisse said himself that his ideas about art were always changing, which certainly showed in his work.

I do not think exactly the way I thought yesterday. Or rather, my basic thought has not changed, but it has evolved, and my means of expression have followed. I do not repudiate any of my paintings, but there is not one of them that I would not redo differently, if I had it to redo. My destination is always the same, but I work out a different route to get there.

—Matisse, “Notes of a Painter,” 1908

You’ve got to see these paintings in person to really see what I’m talking about. Matisse: Radical Invention 1912- 1917 runs through June 20th here in Chicago, then moves to the Modern Museum of Art in New York City from July 18 – October 11th.

Half Baked - the ultimate stoner movie. Cover via Amazon

I was shopping at the Jewel last week and ran into “Tammy,” a woman who has a daughter the same age as my 16 year-old son, Nick. We were comparing notes on our kids and bemoaning the academic and social pressures they face in high school.

“Parenting teens is tough,” I sighed.

“No kidding,” Tammy retorted. “My older son is 18 and he’s half baked.”

I was taken aback. I mean, “half baked” means perpetually stoned, right? Like the movie? Could Tammy actually be confiding that her kid was a pothead? I was shocked, not that a high school senior might be getting high, but because Tammy’s parental honesty is rare stuff. Most parents I know are convinced that while everyone else’s kids may be half-baked, theirs are out there making good choices.

“Is he going to college in the fall?” I asked.

“No.” Tammy sniffed. “He wants to take a gap year.”

It’s possible that Tammy was not calling her son a weed-smoking wastrel, but was merely referring to him as immature – I was too timid to clarify. But either way, according to Barbara Brotman’s article in today’s Chicago Tribune, there’s still hope for the kid.

Brotman writes that lots of high school slackers go on to have brilliant careers – like Paleontologist Paul Sereno, Circuit Court Judge Eileen Brewer, and Brotman herself (see below.)  Despite underwhelming high school performances, these underdogs ultimately achieved success when they discovered their passion and motivation a little later in life.

See? A kid doesn’t have to have it all figured out by high school graduation day. What a relief for we parents – and especially for our teens.

All hail to the high school superstars — the kids who earn straight A’s, ace the SATs, play in youth orchestras, excel in sports, lead student organizations, master multiple languages, mentor fellow students and do substantive volunteer work.

They are fabulous, accomplished, impressive young people, and they deserve every honor roll spot, valedictorian designation and selective college acceptance they get.

But how about a shout-out to a group rarely mentioned in this season of graduation ceremonies and college acceptance letters? Let’s hear it for slackers.

Not for what they’ve done, which is by definition not much. Consider instead what they may yet accomplish. And no raised eyebrows: Many a successful life story includes a chapter titled, “Apparently Going Nowhere.”

Take Paul Sereno. In elementary school, teachers wanted to hold him back and make him repeat second grade. In high school, he copied from a friend's work to pass trigonometry. He did so poorly on the PSAT that he had to study the dictionary to get an SAT score that would get him into Northern Illinois University.

And then?

A master’s degree in geology from Columbia University, a doctorate in geology from Columbia University and the American Museum of Natural History in New York, and a meteoric rise to world-renowned dinosaur expert and professor of paleontology at the University of Chicago.

Or take Eileen Brewer. Bored in high school, she spent her time in class reading novels. Her grades were so bad that she was rejected by most of the colleges she applied to and ended up at a little-known Catholic college in upstate New York.

And then?

A master’s degree in history from Loyola University, a Ph.D. in the history of religion from the University of Chicago Divinity School, a law degree from Harvard Law School and a law career that led to her election in 2002 as a Cook County Circuit Court judge.

To read the complete article, click here: Graduation season: Hail to the slackers – chicagotribune.com.

“Who has not dreamt of mastering their body?” purrs a female announcer over images of a beautiful woman writhing sensuously in her undies. “Wellbox, the body optimizer, was created to help your whole body feel good.”

The machine claims to improve your skin, face and body through “in-depth stimulation” and “improved fluid exchanges.”

At $1499 (on sale) the Wellbox is expensive, but if it delivers what the video promises, it sounds worth the price. And if it delivers what the video implies….. oh, my.

All I know is, I want one for Mothers Day.

Opinionated Foodie-hottie, Anthony Bourdain, 53. Image via Wikipedia

Anthony Bourdain, noted foodie and host of the Travel Channel’s “No Reservations,” is performing at the Chicago Theater tonight. Performing isn’t quite the right word; he doesn’t really have an act. As Bourdain said in an interview with the Chicago Tribune, he’ll “just talk for an hour about what’s exciting (or irritating) at the moment.” Then he’ll take questions.

How I wish I could go hear him speak! I love men with opinions and the experience to back them up. At 53, Bourdain is certainly a guy who has experienced life. A noted chef, author and gourmand, he has not only been around the culinary block a few times; he’s been around the world a few times.

While filming the 100+ episodes of his TV show, Bourdain has traveled to some of the most remote (and dangerous) corners of the world. InEcuador he sampled the local delicacy, roasted guinea pig, which he described as “crackly, sweet, fatty, delish.” In 2006, he and his crew were trapped in Beirut when the Israel-Lebanon conflict broke out.

Bourdain chain-smokes, he drinks, he swears, he climbs mountains, he stares danger in the face, he’ll eat anything. The guy is dashing, sophisticated ,and rough around the edges all at the same time. And his height (6′4″ ) and full head of hair make him one good looking guy.

But the most attractive thing about Bourdain is that he isn’t afraid to tell it like it is – even if his opinions are controversial, which they often are. For example, here in Chicago, Bourdain calls our beloved deep-dish pizza “awful, ugly stuff” that doesn’t even qualify as pizza.

Also, he came right out and said he didn’t enjoy his meal at Grant Achatz’s highly touted Chicago restaurant, Alinea, saying,  ”Alinea didn’t thrill me. I was annoyed by the presentation of the food. I found it intrusive.”

Ah, contention! How refreshing.

Anthony Bourdain isn’t the only guy over 50 who’s cocky confidence whets my appetite. I’ll also happily devour any opinion that snarky Simon Cowell, 50, or hot head John McEnroe, 51, care to express. They might be criticized for being brash or conceited or mean or rude, but I disagree. As mature men and experts in their fields, they’ve earned the right to voice their opinion. And besides, someone with an opinion is always more interesting.

Bourdain thinks so too, and it hoping the audience asks some provocative questions tonight.

“I love a spirited debate as much as anybody,” he told the Tribune. “I even like being wrong, if someone can make a good case.

To read the complete Chicago Tribune article, click here.

Music Exec and AI Judge, Simon Cowell, 50. Image via Wikipedia

Tennis great John MacEnroe, 51. Image via Wikipedia