Exhausted By the Celebrity Exhaustion Excuse
This past Sunday, Susan Boyle skipped her third day of the Britain’s Got Talent tour, citing a need to “rest,” said a spokesperson. The need for “rest” had, of course, absolutely nothing to do with the fact that during her second performance on tour, Boyle screwed up the lyrics to “Memory” from Cats and got a “lukewarm” reception from the audience. She was also “exhausted” for five days following her upset loss to Diversity dance troupe on the Britain’s Got Talent finale, but thankfully this two-song songstress got to rest her bones and lie down. In a mental institution.
Boyle is just the latest celebrity to use the good old fashion “exhaustion” excuse to cushion the P.R. blow. That’s right, celebrities don’t have mental breakdowns or drug addictions, they have exhaustion. Their lives are so demanding that sometimes even eight hours’ sleep on a Craftmatic bed is ineffective in their war against tiredness.
Remember when Mariah Carey lurched onto the set of MTV’s TRL wearing high heels and pajama shirt, pushing an ice cream cart and talking about her therapy session? Exhaustion. And when Lindsay Lohan partied every night during the filming of craptacular Georgia Rule? That was exhaustion, too. In both Mariah and Lindsay’s cases, only the pure, unadulterated rest provided by a emergency room hospital bed would suffice.
The Britain’s Got Talent tour audience apparently booed when they heard that Susan needed to rest and would not be taking the stage to sing the two songs they’ve watched her sing on YouTube several million times. And boo they should, because frankly nobody is buying her ridiculous exhaustion excuse. She’s wandering through hotel lobbies rambling incoherently and forgetting lyrics on stage, and unless she goes on stage immediately after participating in one of those three day sleep deprivation experiments, the fact is that she’s had a mental breakdown. When I’m tired I take a nap, drink a Red Bull or complain. I don’t walk over to Bellevue and admit myself.
So please Susan, Mariah, Lindsay and all the rest of you celebs who check into hospitals and rehab clinics under the guise of needing a “break.” The only break you need is to give us one.
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Perhaps a more empathetic understanding of Susan Boyle’s situation is that she’s NOT a professional celebrity. She went from dowdy Scottish amateur vocalist to household world in about 48 hours. She never put in the years of being a public figure that would mentally prepare her to have her every move scrutinized. Nor has she had the years of ups and downs that come with being a professional musician.
So of COURSE she’s wigged out. Just remember that we all loved her story precisely because she wasn’t a manicured, CGI-created illusion of Hollywood. She was a real person with a world-class voice. Now, you’re putting her under pressure to be exactly that sort of one-dimensional creation. Don’t be shocked when you still see a fragile, flawed human being.
Exactly how famous do you have to be for exhaustion to be a valid excuse? Could History Channel physicist Michio Kaku get exhaustion and not show up for a taping? What about White House press secretary Robert Gibbs? Omarosa from the apprentice?