Light my fire: 2010 Olympic torchbearer revealed?
Olympic Torchbearer Trevor
The 2010 Olympic Games are about to begin! (did you know that?) And you know, you can keep your gold medals. You can keep your puck bunnies. You can keep your IOC Presidents.
The real star of the show is the anointed “Greatest Celebrity in the Whole Damn Country,” the extra-super-special Torchbearer who gets to light the Olympic flame during the opening ceremonies. As you may know, the Olympics are being held in Vancouver.
That’s Vancouver, BC, not Vancouver, Washington, which is very nice and which according to a friend of mine has a lovely restaurant where Frank Sinatra was taken after a show back when JFK was president and everything was glossy and new, and was being snotty and threw his tagliatelle or whatever it was (I just like typing “tagliatelle,” it’s lyrical even in QWERTY) at somebody just to show off what a star he was, which brings us back to the central point of this blog post, which I’m sure you’ve all long since given up on.
Who, pray tell, is the biggest Canadian celebrity?
Truly hath the poet said: In the States, celebrities need crowd control. In Canada, they need nametags.
Indeed: how can a nation of pathologically unassuming lumberjacks and folksingers possibly provide anything approaching the glittering spectacle put on by Beijing only two years ago? Lip-synching lumberjack chorus lines? CGA fireworks supplied by Electronic Arts? A Coca-Cola-sponsored Polar Bear Musical Ride?
Let’s face it: when it comes to Grand Celebrity Poo-bah, the pickings are rather slim.
Suggestions:
- The Great One, also known to the outside world as Wayne Gretzky. Sure, he may have forsaken his homeland a decade or more ago, but he’ll always be Our Boy, especially since his American wife called the man who traded him to the States an asshole.
- Celine “My Celebrity Will Go On” Dion
- Wiarton Willy, Canada’s answer to Punxsutawney Phil (nuff said)
- Michael “Nicest Guy Who Ever Worked With Me At Starbucks” Bublé
- Michael J. “Nicest Guy Rush Limbaugh Ever Picked On” Fox
- Leonard “I’ve Slept With Every Woman Over 25 In The Country That Has To Count For Something” Coen
- The Ghost of Terry Fox
- The cast of SCTV, which was always (sorry but not really) better than Saturday Night Live, duh
- Some Do-Goodery Type who’s dedicated his life to making the country a better place?
But, seriously, it’s time we looked at the few (in fact, the tiny handful) of Canuckistanis who could draw a crowd on their own merits. Who among them can be called pre-eminent?
There can be only one.
The Shat is The Shit.
If that man doesn’t materialize via transporter beam at the Opening Ceremonies twelve hours from now (more or less) I will give up all pretense to being a Canadian Celebrity Handicapper. And you can quote me.
As if it mattered.
Bonus: William Shatner’s rendition of the immortal “I Am Canadian” speech:
Post Your Comment
You must be logged in to post a comment
T/S Members
Log in with your True/Slant account.
Lolebrity
[...] Canadian Celebrity? Come Again? (True/Slant) [...]
I agree — the Shat! He and Leonard *are* our international ambassadors.
Us poor Canadians….we should use public funds to hire publicists for all of our celebrities. It would be as practical an idea as bankrupting a city for winter olympics with no snow.
[...] Olympic torchbearer news Dude! Seriously! WTF are you doing here when you should be over at raincoaster’s highfalutin new NYC blog at True/Slant: http://trueslant.com/lorrainemurphy/2010/02/12/2010-olympic-torchbearer/ [...]
[...] Raincoaster gets True/Slant Gig! 12 02 2010 WTF are you doing here when you should be over at raincoaster’s highfalutin new NYC blog at True/Slant: http://trueslant.com/lorrainemurphy/2010/02/12/2010-olympic-torchbearer/ [...]
[...] Dude! Seriously! WTF are you doing here when you should be over at raincoaster’s highfalutin new NYC blog at True/Slant: http://trueslant.com/lorrainemurphy/2010/02/12/2010-olympic-torchbearer/ [...]
I don’t think pickings are slim. There are plenty of famous Canucks to nominate.
Evangeline Lilly (from Lost)?
Director James Cameron?
The late Peter Jennings?
There are many more.
But I think they’ll give the nod to an athlete.
I really don’t think it’s unrealistic to rule out dead people from the torch-lighting. I understand that I may be going out on a limb with this, but that’s as it may be.
In response to another comment. See in context »Lorraine, while ruling out dead people is logical, with some of the more phlegmatic Canuckistanis how can you tell the difference?
In response to another comment. See in context »My money’s on Betty Fox. CTV just interviewed Rollie Fox (9:05am) and the interviewer asked him, “Do you think it might be Betty?” Rollie replied, “I was asked to keep it a secret.” Sounds like it…
[...] it won’t be him. Lorraine Murphy speculated earlier here at True/Slant that it could be Bill Shatner. There’s been rumours [...]
Doesn’t seem right that The Shat wasn’t there at all!
Peter Jennings alive couldn’t push Shatner off square one. (I take it whoever they did choose didn’t have the clout to make it into my newsfeed.) Maybe they offered and The Shat turned the gig down. Too parochial for one who stomps the galaxies.
I love the fact that it ended up being a semi-failed effort in Collectivism. Perfect!
Vive le Canuckistan libre!
[...] says, our friend the RainCoaster, who is from Vancouver, has the suggestion about who should light the Olympic Flame this [...]
[...] it’s World’s Greatest Canadian William Shatner and the Susan Boyle of Taiwan, Lin Yu Chun in a power ballad duet, performing the immortal musical [...]
[...] it’s World’s Greatest Canadian William Shatner and the Susan Boyle of Taiwan, Lin Yu Chun in a power ballad duet, performing [...]