What’s with the showers?
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Why men should get baby showers too.
I was recently given the duty, and honor, of organizing a baby shower for the several pregnant ladies at my place of work. My immediate question was: why not include the fathers-to-be (of which we have two)? This set off some questions around the water cooler. One warning gentleman said, “Careful, people can be very liberal (my office is at a university), but then be really conservative about things like marriage and babies.”
OK. I respect tradition (sometimes), but I think the idea that fathers-to-be get no part in celebratory baby showers is, frankly, disrespectful to them. The dad’s don’t have to put up with big bellies and the physical loops of pregnancy, but they are still having a baby, whether they’re the ones pushing it out or not. If we’re all going to at least play along with the contemporary idea of equal parenting (whether this actually happens or not is another question), then a man’s life is going to change a great deal with the coming of baby too. If we expect men these days to change diapers and give baths, why do we arrange a party where the mother is the sole recipient of the diapers and the rubber duckies?
Since showers are all about being showered with gifts, and those necessary baby things are so terribly expensive, I argue all parents-to-be could use a baby shower. Unless we decide it’s the physical feat of pregnancy we’re celebrating, in which case the gifts should focus exclusively on spa-treatments for the mother-to-be.
Oh, and, please, stop with the ladies-only guest list!
Why do I insist so on ruining the pink party? For two reasons. First of all, a baby shower thrown for a mother-to-be and attended almost exclusively by women sets the tone for who is really going to be changing those diapers and giving those baths: the mother. Hmm…so much for equal parenting. Secondly, isn’t it kind of unfair to start a new-dad-to-be’s parenthood path by suggesting his role in the matter isn’t worth celebrating? You devoted dads are worth sticking up for.
Let me leave you with another shower question: why isn’t there a groom shower when there is a bridal shower?
- Astri
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Thank you for this Article. Fathers’ right to be a meaningful part of their childrens’ lives, have been eroded to the point of non-existence. My research suggests that this is a phenomenon consistent throughout the industrialized nations. Children who are alienated from their fathers are more likely later in life to have emotional/behavioral problems, suffer from depression, drop out of school, fail in their jobs, and suffer from other social problems. I invite you to visit my site devoted to raising awareness on this growing problem: http://fathersprivilege.blogspot.com/
I Love Lucy beat you to the punch on groom showers. According to Judith Walzer Leavitt’s book Make Room for Daddy, a history of men’s journey to the delivery room, the first pregnancy shown on national TV was Lucy’s, in a series of shows in the 1950s. Ricky felt so bad about being excluded from much of Lucy’s pregnancy, that his friends held a daddy shower for him. Check it out:
http://www.answers.com/topic/i-love-lucy-ricky-has-labor-pains-tv-episode
I love it!! Thank you! I Love Lucy was a progressive show in a lot of ways.
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