Myth #4: Everything will be different for Gen Y

Illustration by Gustaf von Arbin

Young people are all talk, these days, huh? Well, apparently the talk ends when it comes to how they expect to balance their careers with family life in the future. We get it. It’s not fashionable date-talk to argue about who will change the diapers of the children you haven’t yet conceived (that’s sure to end all thoughts of conception-related activity for the evening, anyway). But if you consider how much Gen Y:ers like ourselves research everything before making even the smallest decisions, isn’t it time we started being pro-active about the larger, difficult, and perhaps more uncomfortable topics?

This week, we’ve posted a marathon interview with sociologist Pamela Stone, author of Opting Out? Why Women Really Quit Careers and Head Home (University of California Press, 2008), about debunking the “new traditionalist” or “opt out” myth that’s been dominating the work-life debate for the past couple of years. So far, Stone has tackled three myths:

Myth #1: An invisible hand in the market dictates that work must be inflexible, brutish, and long.

Myth #2: Most women who quit their jobs do so because they choose motherhood over career success.

Myth #3: Being a stay-at-home parent is all roses and butterflies.

And, now, ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for the final, and perhaps most important myth buster (from our perspective, at least):

Myth #4: Everything will be different for Gen Y.

Pamela Stone: Research shows that parenthood is a defining moment. Your generation of women is really hanging in there, not 100%, but you’re pretty close when it comes to keeping up with men in pay and career progression— until about the 30’s when families begin to come along. Then, when you are coping with the novelty of being a parent, you are often rudely awakened by what is happening on the job. Suddenly, when you really need it, your job’s not so family-friendly after all. The women in my book never saw this coming, and these were not stupid women! But they believed all the rhetoric about the family friendly workplace, thinking that they were so highly accomplished and valued in their organizations that their family needs would be accommodated. When they weren’t, they clung to the belief that their circumstances were unique. And of course they were not.

Your generation is totally equipped and ready to talk about all the employment-related stuff, but perhaps not fully aware that the talk often exceeds the reality. However, anything that ventures into gender or the family, the personal, the caregiving, that’s where the conversation doesn’t go. It is really important to be aware of both sides of the work-family equation at an early age.

What can be done?

Guys, listen up.

Stone: It is important that guys realize that women are serious about their work and their careers and it is not that they want to “opt out,” that they are just waiting for motherhood to dash off and leave their careers. And that is kind of what is in the water right now: this opt out myth.

Swallow hard, be bold.

Stone: People in your generation need to realize that you have to be brave enough to be the first to ask for a different work situation: demanding flexibility or whatever accommodation you need. Your generation are still pioneers. You shouldn’t be, but you are.

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Despite their stellar credentials and impressive workplace accomplishments, the women in Stone’s study ultimately sacrificed their careers—first by seeking flexibility, then by opting out when the workplace failed to provide enough support. Their husbands, on the other hand, who did not slow down when the children arrived, continued to excel in their professional lives. Given this pattern, it’s hardly surprising that a woman is more likely to be a stay at home parent than the CEO of a company.

But, let’s not forget that the men in this equation increasingly become inseparable from their jobs, thus losing the ability to really be hands-on dads (and maybe their sanity). Since the majority of the Gen Y men we’ve interviewed over the past year expressed a desire to be present in their children’s lives in a way that many of their own fathers were not, the question is how they will feel if the opt out pattern continues for their generation?

Stone’s advice to Gen Y is not to be discouraged by the status quo. Instead, “You should have your eyes wide open and really understand that there are things in these systems that are hard to change, and that you have to be a change-maker. You have to be conscious and pro-active about these issues.” Yes, that goes for the ladies, but also for the guys out there.