How glad are we not to be celebrities?
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When you’re a celebrity watcher and a relentless consumer of pop culture, you’re going to end up following celebrity breakups. And I pretty much always think it’s sad.
Lord knows I’ve gotten plenty of mileage out of Tiger Woods and the Gosselins. But making fun of someone’s douchey behavior isn’t the same as taking pleasure in their pain. It’s been a rough week for marriage — though undeniably a huge money-maker for tabloids and blogs alike. But the biggest bummer, I think, has been the news about Sandra Bullock and Kate Winslet.
If we didn’t have some kind of personal investment in the lives of celebs, there’d be no need for all of the news equivalent of marshmallow fluff and Chee-tos that I read daily. But I’m never going to pal around with Bullock, and I have about as much of a shot at hanging out with Winslet as I do at winning the lottery (though I keep holding out hope for the Mega Millions). So why do these two in particular freak me out?
While I find the “Oscar curse” theory interesting, I have no intention of engaging in a “why do people cheat?” soliloquy. It’s all been done before and there’s never a satisfactory answer anyway.
But think about the stupidest thing you’ve ever done — the thing you most regret and the act you’d most like to take back. Then imagine having to apologize for it in People magazine. Or watch (read) that your husband did. Or your father. Being betrayed or having to leave your house to try to handle whatever’s going on in your marriage is bad. Knowing that there’s a tell-all involved, having everyone know about it, and watching it happen right on the heels of your biggest professional achievement is horrendous. And everyone’s got an opinion.
Sometimes it’s less explosive. Sometimes things just fall apart. And sometimes people try to be dignified, take the kids on vacation, and get out of town — and get rewarded with stories that misinterpret quotes. Or gin up the rumor mill about infidelity that may or may not exist. And after seeing headlines like “So why can’t Kate Winslet make her marriages work?” I’m so glad not to be British, no matter how much I love Shakespeare and Flake bars.
There’s no question that Bullock and Winslet and many others like them will be just fine. They’ll carry on with as much grace as being rich, beautiful and talented will allow, even though having those advantages didn’t insulate them from bad things happening in the first place. The thing about being a celebrity watcher and a relentless consumer of pop culture is that we know that no matter how many photos Us Weekly publishes of stars walking their kids to school or shopping for groceries, they’re not just like us. And at times like this, it’s safe to say we’re glad we’re not them.
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Oh, I’d still like to be a celebrity. In fact, the people who want to become celebrities feel the same way I do: “Oh, I’d NEVER be THAT stupid!” and of course they will, because they’re human too and if they were truly inspired geniuses they’d be curing cancer instead of playing Ben Affleck’s girlfriend in a straight-to-DVD romcom.
But really, I’d never be that stupid! Hollywood, call me!
Lorraine, having read The Celebrity Industrial Complex, I can honestly say that I think you’d be far more entertaining and interesting than 99% of those who People and Us Weekly covers, for seemingly no reason. And of course, you’re right — we’re all human and all prone to doing absolutely ridiculous things. I don’t even want to tally up, at the end of the week, the number of things I’d have done differently or the number of things I did that I’m glad no one was watching (the bird-flipping in traffic alone would be appalling… eesh). I think it’s hard to argue, though, that the money isn’t at least some succor to being incessantly followed.
In response to another comment. See in context »Add to that list, Lisa: How happy are we not to worry about gaining 1/2 ounce? Carrie Fisher does a wonderful routine about the looks pressure placed on stars: “I’m sorry, I did not realize I made a contract with the public to look 20 years old forever.”
No kidding, Susan. Jessica Simpson gets called fat because she’s 5′3″ and wears a size four. I’m already spending a fortune on Olay products — what I’d be tempted to do if under that kind of scrutiny is unfathomable. Carrie Fisher’s point about looking a certain way forever is dead on. Based on what my accountant tells me, I know that celebs get to write off things like personal trainers and treatments when they’re done for a particular role (so it’s not like Toby Maguire didn’t get some additional compensation for having to train to look like that for “Spiderman”), and obviously to a degree it is their job to look a certain way, at least for a particular time or role. It’s part of the benefit and curse of being able to make a very nice living off of your genetic gifts and how you choose to hone your craft. In another minute I’m either going to be lamenting celebrity culture even more or going all class-warrior about how things like personal trainers are tax write-offs. Need to lay off the caffeine…
In response to another comment. See in context »