John Mayer, redefining ‘tool’
I’ve said it before: I can’t stand John Mayer.
Aside from a 2004 appearance on “Chappelle’s Show,” there’s nothing this guy has put out professionally that I’ve found remotely interesting, from the insipid “Your Body is a Wonderland” to his not un-horrible rendition of “Human Nature” at Michael Jackson’s memorial service (though I did keep thinking that somewhere, Jackson was watching the proceedings and thinking, “Seriously? They got this wank to play at my funeral?”). But whatever, different strokes for different folks.
Yet the fascination endures, and either he’s having some kind of weird public breakdown or his publicist is crazy like a fox (that’s where my money is), because his ongoing obnoxia tour in print has seemed to reach new heights in the past couple of months. And every time he says something dumb, he goes on a mea culpa tour.
Presumably, Mayer was referring mostly to his charming comments in his new interview with Playboy magazine about Jessica Simpson being like crack cocaine to him, and this racial comment that was not just offensive and stupid but offensive because it was so stupid, and utterly pointless. And apologizing via Twitter is surely the best way to convince people that you’re serious and sincere, right?
It’s not even like he had the good sense to space this latest dust-up (and extremely effective way of getting people to talk about him — his album sales certainly aren’t hurting) at a decent interval from his last festival of nonsense.
When he’s not adding to his impressive collections of watches, guitars, and automobiles, Mayer is clearly obsessing about those people who, for whatever reason, find him loathsome. “What if I had a booth on the street and I said, ‘Attention, everybody who hates me: If you have a problem with me, I’m ready to hear your gripes! I will be outside the Barneys store on 60th Street from two to four this afternoon. I will not be speaking to fans. I will only be speaking to people who do not like me. Come out and let me have it. I will not speak back.’
“How many people do you think would be standing there? I’m talking about people getting the chance to tell me directly, ‘I think you’re a douchebag.’ You know how many people would do it? Ze-ro. You know what they’d do? They’d walk up and say, ‘I’m just messin’ with ya.’ And you know what I’d say? I’d say, ‘You’re a douchebag!’”
The December 2009 appearance on the “Ellen DeGeneres show“:
“Yeah, I’m a little freaked out about dating … So, I’m just going to let time pass and just do my thing.”
The December 2009 defense of James Cameron for not giving an autograph at LAX
“Having been in these situations, and knowing very well what actually goes down before the video they show you begins and how the game is played within what you see, I’m going to break it down for you.”
(This one’s not even all that jackhole-y, and I’m sure Cameron really appreciated Mayer’s perspective.)
“I should be having sex with more girls.” This is what John Mayer concluded, using slightly more colorful language, last Sunday night at his anonymously modern apartment in SoHo.
“It’s crazy to me that in my head, that being 32 and dating women is going to get me in trouble,” he said, talking faster as he went along. “I can’t even explain to you how terrible that feels, that I equate dating a woman with punishment, shame, guilt, disappointment, reproach, reprimand, persecution. It’s a nightmare.”
Given how this guy loves to flap his gums about his romantic life, it’s been a total puzzler to me why anyone would willingly go out with him after seeing how he’s behaved. What’s even more remarkable is the cheering from the ladies in the audience on the YouTube video as he’s apologizing. Woo hoo!!! He’s a jerk but he admits it! Way to go, John!!
Quite a catch, this one. Blech.
Over on Zap2It.com on The Dish Rag, Elizabeth Snead ponders the canniness of Jennifer Aniston’s timing in snagging new boyfriends that seem to coincide with the release of one of her new films. I wonder if Aniston, who seems to be the one ex who’s relatively unscarred by Mayer’s post-breakup loose lips (he’s spared us all the bulk of the dirty details, at any rate), rather has amazing instincts about when to put out some good publicity as a way to distance herself from one of Mayer’s new himbo eruptions. If so, she’s a genius.