Jon & Kate Gosselin: Exploiting your kids — and your divorce — for fun and profit

In some ways, Kate and Jon Gosselin remind me of the Nixon tapes — they’re the gift that keeps on giving. Except that after watching them I feel a little nauseous, and they make me a little bit nostalgic for Nixon.

Today’s missive from the Gosselin World of Blech is over money — not like that’s a surprise.

After Kate’s morning blitz — both on the “Today” show, a.k.a. where any woman coping with divorce, kids, and a cleaned-out bank account would naturally go, and ABC’s “The View” — Jon has accused her of hiding money. This morning she filled in the details of the report over the weekend alleging that Jon had pretty much cleaned out their joint bank account, saying this morning that he’d taken $230,000 of the $231,000 between Aug. 10 and Sept. 29.

He says she’s making a mountain out of a molehill, that it wasn’t that much (about $177,000 over the course of a year — not bad in this recession economy), and they have 11 bank accounts where clearly some of the money must be hidden (2 parents + 8 kids + 1 household account = ???). Apparently keeping your bimbos wined and dined in Las Vegas, the Hamptons and France involves more than just Ed Hardy freebies — it adds up, particularly when you’re arguably the only father of eight this side of Shawn Kemp who’s been so lucky with the ladies.

This dirty, incredibly un-sexy money fight comes after Jon’s “ephiphany” inspired visit to “Larry King Live” last week, during which he expressed a desire to apologize to his estranged wife, reconcile to the point where they can co-parent in peace — or whatever approximate it with these two — and pull his kids off of television. It also took him less than five minutes to mention the name of his lawyer, his manager, and the management company representing him. Apparently TLC’s announcement that “Kate Plus 8″ would move forward without him was the prod that got him into the interview chair.

It’s interesting that his epiphany, particularly about the health of his kids, came when the gravy train started to pull away from the station. I’m no child-rearing expert, but how is dragging some very private details and very heightened emotions into the public sphere any healthier for those kids?

Also, note to Mark J. Heller: Taking your case to the “court of public opinion” on Larry King is (a) not the same thing as going to court, and (b) just stupid.

From a purely PR perspective, who is advising these people? In what universe does this seem to be a good way to conduct yourselves, particularly when your mantra is that all you care about is the kids? You can’t tell your side of the story to “The Insider” and seem credible. Or tell Chris Cuomo that you “despise” your estranged wife and then back-pedal a few days later. You seem nuts when you make your money shrieking at your spouse on a reality show and then take your very composed, soft-spoken self to the “View” couch. I’m not even going to get into the “love offerings,” the nanny, and the allegations of diva behavior gone wild. Or TLC — which is a whole other bandwagon.

The people who are totally earning their money in all of this, however, are the media coaches. Jon’s using very specific language about empowerment, carefully designed to conjure up a picture of an abusive marriage, and Kate’s well-timed tears and calm demeanor almost make you forget that what we’re talking about is a couple who made a devil’s bargain and are watching it crumble. Which wouldn’t bug me so much if they could just do it in private.

I used to watch “Jon & Kate Plus 8.” The kids were cute, and I breathed a sigh of relief after every episode that I’m not saddled with that kind of responsibility. I also felt sorry for those kids. Anyone with eyes could’ve seen this going south at least a year before it started going bad publicly.

The incredibly active — and incredibly disapproving — folks over at Gosselins Without Pity have been arguing for a long time that the show is detrimental to the kids — and they  really enjoy spewing a whole lot of vitriol about these parents. A lot of recent comments have run to the “It doesn’t matter why Jon has forced them to suspend the show — he finally did the right thing” ilk.

But it does matter, and they way these two are conducting themselves matters. Show business is littered with the wrecks of kids whose parents used them for a meal ticket — Jon’s new BFF Michael Lohan’s daughter being a prime example (thanks for the link, Celebritology). Jon and Kate, if you keep fighting, I’ll keep following, nauseating though it may be. But for the sake of the kids, for the sake of some sense of embarrassment I hope you still have, and for the love of God, shut up.
Do you wish the Gosselins would just go away?  Tell me more in the comments.

Related articles by Zemanta

• Minus Jon, It’s ‘Kate Plus 8′ (nytimes.com)
• Jon Gosselin: I Made A Million Dollars Last Year, Kids Were Exploited (VIDEO) (huffingtonpost.com)