It’s not Disney’s fault my kid’s no Baby Einstein
My kids are no Einsteins. I blame Disney.
Which is why I plan to return the Baby Einstein videos they have watched 14,325 times. That, and the unusual cash refund offer.
Bye-bye, Baby Einstein.
I first heard about this in, of all places, Robert McKee’s Story seminar, where I spent the last four days. As a craggy man close to 70, McKee was an unlikely source of this news, except that the debacle opened a corporate institution up for ridicule, which we’d learned was his special gift.
According to the New York Times, a group called Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood achieved this feat by threatening Disney with a class-action lawsuit.
Here’s what I have to say to those brave activists: We’re no Einsteins, but we’re not delusional. We didn’t really think playing some boring-ass video of burbling brooks and hand puppets to a background of synthesizer Bach would make our child a genius.
We bought the products because babies like them. Ours will sit for a half hour gazing at rubber duckies floating across the screen. And for a strung-out parent, a half hour of peace is nothing short of heaven.
Yeah, yeah, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no screen time at all for children under 2. I don’t give a poop. If it’ll help Mommy get dinner on the table without a schizoid episode, my child will just have to be scarred by Elmo.
Still, there’s a recession on. I’ll take my $15.99. Above and on the link is the Baby Einstein return offer, which, laughably, gives you four lopsided choices.
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Think how much better off they’d have been watching Boobah and TeleTubbies…
All these shows have one thing in common: I imagine they’re much improved when high.
In response to another comment. See in context »I remember the first Baby Mozart video (pre-Disney) where the soothing mom voice (of the founder) went on and on about “The Mozart Effect.” I didn’t believe it for a minute, but the music did help calm fussy babies, so I didn’t care. Julie Clark (the founder) laughed her way to the bank a long time ago with that Disney sale, so it’s not money out of her pocket.
By the way, does anyone else call that dragon puppet “Blahhhhh!”
I know, right? Anyone read any interviews with Ms. Clark, post-refund offer? If so, send me the link…
In response to another comment. See in context »Some parents did believe that those videos would make their kids smarter. It was a selling point and it sold videos.