Thank God For Fall [Clothes]

It is finally cold enough in New York to wear fall clothes without looking like a total retard. I’m a blatant season pusher–my mom’s term for those who extend seasonal dressing well beyond its appropriate end point or start weeks too early. So I’ve been attempting coats and tights and boots for days now, almost always ending up far too warm and vowing never to do it again. But do it again I always do. So I’m not thankful so much for the fact that I’m finally allowed to wear winter clothes, but that the weather has caught up with my inability to calm the hell down and finish out the summer.

While I will admit that I get a little too excited about the change of wardrobe that comes with the change of season, that sin is not nearly so bad as wearing summer clothes into the fall. So in the interest of keeping you from being That Asshole whose still wearing shorts and flip flops come Halloween, here’s a guide to fall dressing in vaguely chilly climates:

1. Put your sandals away. You look stupid. The only possible exception from this rule is a non-strappy peep toe, which is still good to go for another month or so.
2. Shorts? Seriously? Throwing tights on under those Abercrombie things does not make them fall-appropriate. If you’re still determined to show off your legs, the tights best be opaque, the shorts a reasonable material–wool comes to mind–and the shoes bad ass.
3. Lightweight jackets like blazers and trenches and cropped leather numbers are the shit. You cannot get enough of them. Collect them like you used to collect Beanie Babies, taking heart all the while in the fact that you’ll never be so embarrassed by the collection that you’ll have to burn the whole lot behind your house in the dead of night. Or something like that.
4. This means you should not be wearing anything puffy yet. Down is far too serious an insulator for October. And you look fat in that coat. Shut it down.
5. Wear tights and leggings. But never tights or leggings as pants.
6. If you jumped on the whole dark floral trend for summer, you may be in luck. If your dress looks more or less like this, you can throw on some opaque tights, and boots and a leather jacket and pretend you bought it for fall. Sneaky.
7. As it turns out, Gap Body’s new t shirts are the best thing ever. The long sleeved ones are 2 for $25–those of you who’ve tried fancy t shirts will agree that this is practically free–they don’t get all nasty and stretched out over the day, and they look legit with pencil skirts and jeans alike. I just discovered them last month and we’re so happy together.

May your early fall prove attractive as hell.