Fall ‘09 designer stuff hits stores, I salivate and cry a little

Leaving the house these days requires acceptance of the fact that, upon arriving at my destination, I will look a hot mess. Though I’d like to call it “glowing,” it’s really more like sweat-drenched and vaguely tragic. It’s not great, but it is something you have to get over during the hellishly hot summer months.

But then, just as you’re getting used to those decorative sweat stains classing up all your t shirts, something a little too cruel happens: fall’s designer clothes start rolling into stores, forcing you to go try them on in spite of the heat and your own personal disgustingness. And then something even worse happens: you can’t really buy anything if you don’t want to be, well, an awesomely dressed homeless person.

Blessedly, there is some justice in the world in the form of relatively comparable designer copies influenced goodies from poor-people-friendly stores. (When I say “poor people,” I mean people who can’t regularly buy $3,000 dresses. So almost everyone.) Let’s take a brief trip through the world of Well-Done Designer Wannabe Goods, Fall ‘09 Version, shall we?

Thigh High Boots

Topshop’s recently-released stylish hooker thigh high boots are unusually good looking given their $250 price tag. No, they don’t make me cry like Rodarte’s bondage boots did, but I could get over that some day. Plus, obnoxious teen sensation Miley Cyrus wore the Rodarte ones while slutting it up in this month’s Elle, nearly killing them for me.

Biker Chic Mini Skirts

Admittedly, I don’t even like the $1,000 Celine skirt (left) all that much. Too boxy. But the general look is quite cool and quickly rolling into stores. Sub in the Mmmunt skirt (right, obviously) from ever-glorious site (and store) Pixie Market for less than $100. Just don’t wear the Madonna gloves with it, that’s rarely a good call.

And now, for those of you who are vomiting at the thought of buying Fall clothes this early, one Summer one:

Go Boating

The Louis Vuitton cruise dress at left is the sort of pretty-cute that demands obsession. It also costs, I believe, approximately 20 billion dollars. The Sonia by Sonia Rykiel sailor-y little number at right is a decent sub provided that you ignore the shoes, socks and truly stupid pink tutu the website styled it with. Because you’re not a child hooker, you can instead wear it with espadrilles like these and skip the socks and pink silliness.

And thus concludes our first episode of Looking Kind of Rich and Stylish For Less, I’ll be here all week. And then hopefully quite a lot of weeks after that.