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Apr. 15 2010 - 1:20 am | 59,922 views | 3 recommendations | 18 comments

A day in the life of Obama (as envisioned by a typical Republican)

President Barack Obama with White House Chief ...

Image via Wikipedia

6:30 AM: Obama awakened by clock radio tuned to NPR’s popular morning drive-time show, Kronsky the Bomb Thrower and His Anarcho-Syndicalist Zoo. “You know what would be fun?” Kronsky quips. “Getting the workers to seize the means of production and execute the blood-sucking capitalist bosses!” “If only,” mutters Obama.

7:30 AM: on way to Oval Office, Obama ducks into private chapel, slipping off shoes and prostrating self while facing Mecca. He chants high-pitched, ululating prayer to Allah in foreign tongue then before leaving, bows before busts of Marx, Lenin, Stalin, Mao, Hitler and Saul Alinsky.

7:40 AM: Rahm Emanuel enters Oval Office, gives Obama secret Illuminati handshake, says, “Good morning, Comrade President. The Iranian ambassador is here to discuss his scheme to undermine America’s security.” Obama says, “Show him right in.”

9:05 AM: Snack of sweetened camel milk served with dates, figs, pita and hummus. Then Iranian ambassador exits White House through secret tunnel so Fox News won’t see him.

9:30 AM: House Speaker Pelosi arrives to plot strategy for government takeover of lucrative garbage-collection industry. Obama gives her large suitcase full of cash for bribing Congressmen.

10 AM: Editors of New York Times, Washington Post, New Yorker arrive to receive weekly instructions.

11 AM: Daily intelligence briefing by CIA and Pentagon officials on activities of America’s enemies. Bored, Obama does crossword puzzle, then dozes off.

Noon: Lunch with leaders of world gay conspiracy, who lobby Obama to appoint a transsexual to Supreme Court.

2 PM: Quiet ceremony in Rose Garden, where elders of Kikuyu tribe give Obama plaque honoring him as first Kenyan to become President of U.S.

3 PM: Latte with key advisers Al Gore, Michael Moore, Rev. Wright, Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow, Al Sharpton, Bill Ayers.

4 PM: Basketball with White House staffers. Obama’s side allowed to win, as usual.

7 PM: Dinner with family, leaders of Acorn.

9 PM: Obama reads a chapter from Das Kapital for Kids to Sasha, Malia.

10 PM: In private quarters, Obama, Michelle are so moved watching PBS documentary on suffering of poor widows and children of al Qaeda suicide bombers,  they decide to make contribution.

11 PM: Bong hits, anal sex, then sleep.

2:25 AM: Succubus enters bedroom, mounts sleeping President and has her way with him while whispering demonic instructions for next day.


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  1. collapse expand

    All hail fly on the wall Grossblogger.

  2. collapse expand

    I bet this gets picked up by some aggregator, then makes the rounds on some fringe conservative sites as actual reality.

  3. collapse expand

    “Daily intelligence briefing by CIA and Pentagon officials on activities of America’s enemies. Bored, Obama does crossword puzzle, then dozes off.”

    Replace Obama with George W. Bush (or Reagan at the end) and this one is probably accurate. Dubya and crosswords aren’t very likely, but you know what I mean.

  4. collapse expand

    Great post with only one error I could identify. Obama is from the Luo tribe and they are mortal enemies of the Kikuyu. The Kikuyu are the traditional conservative power brokers, political and otherwise, in Kenya and the unrest after the last elections in Kenya was primarily a spat between these two groups of people. I have been fortunate to have lived in East Africa, and most of my closest friends there were Luo. Very intelligent, educated, and ompassionate people
    Think Kikuyu = Republican
    Think Luo = Democrats

  5. collapse expand

    This is so stupid, I am and know many republicans and none of think that at all, Even if the aim was to be humorous it wasnt funny, To the writer of this i ask, How are you making the world any better? Lol Answer: your not

  6. collapse expand

    As the saying goes: If our president is a bankster-owned soulless fuck-up, we can always throw stones at the opposition to obscure the fact. You guys have the political opportunity of a lifetime and you’re squandering it. It’s not the fault of the people on the other side of the line of scrimmage that your quarterback has no guts or principles. You still have 2 1/2 years. Lets hope he learns a lot in that time. The working tax payers of America deserve better.

  7. collapse expand

    This is so accurate, it’s almost like you were there!

  8. collapse expand

    Typical liberal piffle. Completely glossed over the fact that Bill Ayers (Obama’s real father, another fact you conveniently omit) ghostwrote Obama’s so-called book, if it can so be called. Predictable, really.

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