A solemn vow: I will never write about the f****** Olympics again
My muse. (Image by freeparking via Flickr)
I knew it was a mistake. I knew nobody cares about the Winter Olympics.
“Do it,” my muse cried out to me. “Do a fake guide to the Vancouver games. Winter sports are so silly, it’ll be a giggle and a half.”
My muse is a bitch.
Deep down I knew she was leading me on but I couldn’t resist. I had what I thought were some first-rate gags:
The Siamese-twin ice-dancing team. The very intense biathlon guy who’s a sniper just back from Afghanistan. The introduction of snowball fighting as an Olympic event. The lady who luges on her belly, revolutionizing the sport. I’m not going to go false modest; this was good stuff.
The total views after a full day on the Website: 45.
Now I’m not Matt Taibi but 45 hits are pathetic even for me.
OK, maybe the headline
Keep an eye on these Olympians:
America’s top hopes for Vancouver gold
was too deadpan. But that just proves my point. Those readers who mistakenly thought the piece was really about Vancouver didn’t read it.
Nobody cares about the fucking Winter Olympics.
Nor, most likely, the summer ones either. Nor the Late Fall Just Before Halloween Olympics.
So those of you who are making-fun-of-the-Winter- Olympics fans—both of you—don’t bother pleading with me.
Never again.
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You should write something snippy about Roller Derby. The hits will come flying in. Of course, you might have to go into witness protection or something like that. Trust me.
Personally, I can’t get enough two-man luge.
Roller Derby…good idea. As long as I don’t have to watch it.
In response to another comment. See in context »Yeppers, we kinda pwned Miz Jody, though I gotta say she was being a good sport about it. She says now that she is going to attend a bout but “no promises” about whether she will actually write about it.
Empty air, for sure. If she attends, she WILL write about it. I know how all y’all brain pans function and she wouldn’t be able to refrain any more than the rest of us could refrain from breathing.
Incidentally, cute comments on the Vancouver games but IMO nothing ROFLOL funny. My apologies but I ain’t gonna sugar coat it. You’d might have done better with (true story) tourists confusing Vancouver BC with Vancouver WA, a very small town on the WA – OR border.
Mike “Willy Callit” Harris
Former Texan living in Seattle WA
Willy,
I will risk life and limb and go. I will write about it. I am certain.
Now, I don’t need bodyguards to attend do I?
JD
LOL nope, no bodyguard needed. There’s a small risk of catching a skater in your lap if you are in the “crash zone” trackside. I advise male fans that this isn’t nearly as much fun as it sounds. Your Native Guide will help you get the best seat.
You will also likely want to attend the after party to talk to the skaters. The announcers will call this out but if you miss it, check your program for location or ask your Guide. Can you imagine catching a Steelers game then going out for a beer with LaMarr Woodley and James Harrison afterward?
In response to another comment. See in context »Lewis – clearly you suffer from an over-eager muse. The Olympics are, what, two weeks away? That’s like thirty years in twitter time. How can anyone possibly think that far ahead? Premature expostulation.
Are you telling me I do have to write about the Olympics again? How depressing.
In response to another comment. See in context »Just write about the compelling personal backstories. I can never get enough of those!