Supreme Court upholds death penalty for corporations
Justice Kennedy (Image by Getty Images via Daylife)
In a fractious 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court ruled today that corporations can be subjected to capital punishment for committing crimes causing loss of life.
“Frankly, I do not feel completely comfortable with my own logic,” wrote Justice Anthony M. Kennedy, speaking for the majority. “But it is important to follow precedent and we recently established the precedent that corporations are pretty much individuals. That means we can execute them if we feel like it, just as we execute ordinary people.”
The new ruling came at the expense of Xyzyx Associates, (formerly Atrocity Corp.) a Texas-based defense contractor supplying bodyguards to corrupt warlords in Afghanistan. Sixteen of the company’s employees were convicted last year of blowing up an Afghan village that had failed to pay “taxes” to the local potentate.
At its trial in Houston, the entire company, from CEO to janitorial staff, was sentenced to die by lethal injection after its insanity plea was snickered at by a jury. It is now filing appeals and praying a lot while incarcerated in expanded death rows at two suddenly overcrowded Texas prisons.
Speaking for the minority, Justice John Paul Stephens filed a stinging dissent, declaring, “The framers of the Constitution would not have approved of this perverse and grotesque decision. Well, most of them wouldn’t. Charles Cotesworth Pinckney might have but he was a nut. Anyway, we are going down a bad road here and our tire is going flat. Or something. I’m not good at metaphors. That’s more Scalia’s department.”
In a concurring opinion, Justice Clarence Thomas wrote, “I think this is good. I like the death penalty. It is a fine penalty and I like it.” Thomas later filed a dissent against his own opinion, observing, “Oh but wait! They’re gonna kill a corporation? That’s not right. Corporations are good. I like corporations because they’re nice. Please don’t kill them. Please. I am very sad now and I want some ice cream.”
The disagreement between the justices was so bitter that at one point during the question period, Justice Samuel Alito and Justice Sonia Sotomayor exchanged punches after arguing over the definition of the word “trope.” Both were treated at a nearby hospital for minor injuries.
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[...] Follow this link: Supreme Court upholds death penalty for corporations – Lewis … [...]
I don’t need to read past your headline — ya got me laughing already!
Clever, Lewis! If only…
If corporations have the same rights as people, they shouldn’t be publicly traded like slaves.
On the other hand, it would be gratifying to see them whipped.
In response to another comment. See in context »Per SEC filings, it seems ETAOIN SHRDLU is a wholly-owned subsidiary of
Xyzyx Associates (née Atrocity). How does that business relationship play into this ruling?
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Gjert Stensrud, Tweets Tube and Tweets Tube, deathchecker. deathchecker said: Supreme Court upholds death penalty for corporations – Lewis … http://bit.ly/7gzov0 [...]
[...] Oh, and if corporations are basically the same as people, does that mean they’re eligible for the death penalty? [...]