Al Qaeda admits ‘dumb screw-ups’ on its side of airline plot

Still in troglodyte mode (Image via Wikipedia)

A chagrined senior official of al Qaeda admitted today that “systemic failures, human error and dumb screw-ups” had prevented the terrorist organization from blowing up a U.S.-bound airliner on Christmas day.

“This is totally unacceptable,” said Omar N. Rahmanabdulmufarrad, chief of al Qaeda’s Exploding Underwear Division, at a news conference in Yemen.

“We got the guy on the plane, for heaven’s sake and we still blew it,” he said, striking his forehead with his palm.

Rahmanabdulmufarrad said he had ordered a departmental review to determine who was accountable for the failures and that “several scapegoats will probably be executed” as a result.

Asked about rumors that al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden was vacationing in Dubai during the operation, Rahmanabdulmufarrad replied, “No, he is still in his cave in northwest Pakistan as usual.”

“In fact,” he added, “just a few hours ago, I received a text message from OBL, advising that I commit suicide. But since it was more of a suggestion than a command, I am not obligated to do so.”

Rahmanabdulmufarrad cut off an al-Jazeera reporter in mid-question, saying, “Uh-oh, I think I hear a Predator Drone.” He then rushed from the room.

Another al Qaeda official, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the group feared it was running out of hiding places in the human body. “We’ve done a shoe bomb and we’ve done the crotch,” he said. “We’re looking into the ears but there’s not much room there.”