The awful truths about Brad and Angelina (and Jen)

Image by AFP/Getty Images via Daylife

Something bad is happening to Brad and Angelina (and Jen) but I’m not sure what it is. I am troubled, though, I’ll tell you that.

I got the bad news at the supermarket, where three of the leading Brad-and-Angelina-(and-Jen)-oriented publications had Angelina’s photo on their covers and two had Jen’s and all three had stories inside about the bad things happening to them and Brad.

My problem is the bad things are all different bad things.

As the news from the National Enquirer is the direst, let us allow that paper, or magazine or whatever the correct term is, to describe the situation in its usual low-key manner:

WORLD EXCLUSIVE

ANGELINA COLLAPSES!

She’s down to 104 lbs & can’t stop losing weight

BRAD FORCING HER INTO REHAB

Alarming indeed. Yet, oddly enough, the Star makes no mention of the weight-loss crisis that has left Angelina weak and frail and neither does Us. In the Star, a ferociously energetic Angelina is engaged in a titanic ongoing struggle with her sworn enemy Jen:

“Dirty tricks. Catty insults. 2 AM calls. Angie and Jen just can’t put their bitter rivalry behind them, and there is no sign that the relentless mind games will end anytime soon.”

Not only that, says the Star. “Brad is enjoying the fireworks.”

Strangely, neither the Enquirer nor Us make the slightest reference to the relentless mind games. In fact, Us insists that although Angelina told the media cruel lies about Jen during the Jen-Brad breakup, “Brad is nothing but a distant joke to Jen at this point.”

What, then, is the problem in Us? It’s kind of vague, actually, but the author of a forthcoming bombshell bio tells the magazine that “a tipster” told him Angelina was recently taking crystal meth and he, the bombshell bio author, predicts the marriage will be over in a year because Brad is fed up with Angelina’s “erratic” behavior.

So now you see my dilemma. Who do I trust? I can only hope that a more reliable news organization, such as the New York Post or TMZ will put an investigative reporting team on the story and clear this thing up. Until then, I’ll remain worried, very worried, about Brad and Angelina (and Jen).