My surefire strategy for passing health care–and all other Democratic initiatives

The man can really hug (Image via Wikipedia)

President Obama needs to get the hell out of China as fast as he can, rush back to America and start hugging Republicans.

This will guarantee him a huge majority in Congress next election. No more worrying about scraping up 60 votes. No more sleepless nights for Harry Reid. Starting in January 2011, every Democratic bill sails right through.

The evidence is right there on page one of Monday’s New York Times. It’s the sad, sad saga of Charlie Crist, governor of Florida.

Crist, a Republican, is now running for the Senate and was viewed as a shoo-in, according to the Times story—until Obama hugged him. It was blatant huggery, right out in the open. The right wing of Crist’s own party saw the photos.

Holy Crist.

This man is a moderate, said the right wing. No, worse, a liberal. He must be stopped. The right wing sprang into action, as only the right wing can. Now Crist has a conservative running against him and is no longer a shoo-in.

Obama needs to kick his hugging operation into high gear. Obviously, a lot of contests between moderate Republicans (up to now I didn’t even know there were any) and hard-core righties will enable the Democrat to beat both of them.

It won’t be easy.

Once the hugging starts, the moderate Republicans will be on their guard. They’ll avoid going anyplace the President might show up. They’ll keep an eye on Obama’s schedule, track his movements, always make certain to know where the nearest exit is.

Obama will have to use all his guile, all his cunning. He’ll need to employ the ambush embrace, springing from out of the shadows to pin the unwary legislator in a bear-like grip until the paparazzi get the shot. He should immediately begin rehearsing his moves, using Rahm Emanuel and other aides to stand in for Republicans. Maybe find a good hug guru.

I know Barack can do this. He’s always been good in the clutch.