Does sex lead to babies? Deniers demand: Where is the proof?

Leading reality deniers from around the world proclaimed today that there is no proof that pregnancy results from women having sex with men.

Harlan J. Doty, president of the International Deniers’ Association, announced the start of the campaign in his keynote speech at the group’s annual convention in Munchausen, Austria.

“The idea that sex leads to pregnancy is only a theory, not a scientific fact,” said Doty, a high school biology teacher from Mobile, Alabama. “Science merely assumes that sex causes pregnancy but never bothered to prove it. Where is the research? Where is the testing? Look, I personally know several women who had sex and didn’t get pregnant.”

Doty held up a large cardboard carton full of documentation that he said supported the group’s case. “Our evidence is complicated and realistic-looking enough to convince all but those determined to wade through it in its entirety and insist on imposing some strict test of rationality,” he said.

Doty also announced the winner of the organization’s Denier of the Year Award: Charles Tardman of Tulsa, Oklahoma, the first person to assert that President Obama is not a citizen of the U.S.

“I have to admit I was skeptical when I heard this one,” said Doty. “It was a little far out even for me. But what do you know; the thing actually caught on!”

Thanking his fellow deniers for the honor, Tardman said the idea came to him when Obama announced his candidacy for the Democratic nomination for President. “I thought, ‘Barack Obama, hmm, that’s not an American-type name. That’s a foreigner-type name. How do we know this guy’s a genuine American?’ Sure enough, all they could come up with was a birth certificate. Come on, everyone knows how easy it is to fake documents.”

At a banquet later that evening, several hundred deniers feasted on psychotropic mushrooms and betel nuts and heard speakers hail the last year as one of triumph for the denial movement.

“We’ve had a fantastic year,” said executive council member Nancy Pletchman of Vancouver, Canada. “Along with Obama-citizenship denial, our old workhorse denials like holocaust, global warming, evolution and 9/11 are all going strong. But now is no time to coast. There is so much more denying to be done.”

Deniers planned to separate into committees in the next few days to explore the feasibility of newly proposed denials, among them diabetes, tofu, homosexuality, slavery, the Internet and the need for oil in industrial nations. Meanwhile a group of younger deniers are pushing the membership to deny that Michael Jackson ever existed.