Heroic porn-viewing Florida senator now Fox News hero, too

It’s not like I was the first blogger to discover the heroism of Senator Mike Bennett, the Florida legislator who was so bored listening to a debate on a useless, unconstitutional abortion bill that he started viewing porn, and videos of dogs, on his laptop on the floor of the Florida State Senate.

But I was the first to call him a hero for embracing a distraction task to save himself from the terror of unnecessary, useless legislation. And now Sean Hannity on Fox News has joined me, subjecting Bennett, who could possibly run for Congress when his term ends in 2012, to his ‘Great American Panel.’

<Insert wood joke>

Actually, the Great American Panel didn’t call him a hero. They all called him dumb.

When Hannity started telling the story, they showed the picture we’ve all seen at Sunshine State News. But in addition to leaving the black bar across the sexy ladies’ chests, Fox also gave the shot a second bar across the bottom, in case you might become aware that beneath the sexy ladies’ bikini bottoms, they have vaginas, which may or may not be vajazzled.

In addition to the Great American Panel calling Senator Bennett dumb, they also offered some really great dialog that demonstrated the mature importance of the Great American Panelists of Fox News’s Sean Hannity show.

Anthony Cumia of radio’s ‘Opie and Anthony Show’, upon hearing that the e-mail with the porn was sent by a woman noted, “That’s a great excuse.”

He also added, “Those girls look very familiar.”

Noelle Nikpour, a Republican strategist who must be very important because she is a lady on Sean Hannity’s ‘Great American Panel’ <insert second wood joke> tried to feign some outrage.

“He never apologized,” she grumbled, having carefully researched her talking points on Senator Bennett before the show.

Sean Hannity then tried to make a half-hearted defense of Bennett, remarking about the times he has fallen asleep watching HBO, waking up in the middle of the night, all by himself, wondering what was on the TV.

“This crazy show called Real Sex…I can’t believe how sick people are,” he plaintively stated.

Which is probably Hannity’s way of crying out for help and telegraphing to us that he has more porn on his News Corp.-issued BlackBerry than is contained on all of the SEC’s computers. [This is satire Sean; we all know that you don't know how to use the remote control, let alone your BlackBerry [This is also satire, Sean.]]

Sorry, Senator Bennett: Even Fox News thinks you are kind of creepy, and at the very least, ‘dumb.’

Just remember, I am the only man on the Internet who will state without equivocation that you are a hero of ‘Office Space’ dimensions for bucking the boredom created by ineffectual governance with porn, and viral videos.

You’re welcome.