What Is True/Slant?
275+ knowledgeable contributors.
Reporting and insight on news of the moment.
Follow them and join the news conversation.
 

May. 5 2010 - 10:14 pm | 1,238 views | 0 recommendations | 4 comments

Heroic porn-viewing Florida senator now Fox News hero, too

It’s not like I was the first blogger to discover the heroism of Senator Mike Bennett, the Florida legislator who was so bored listening to a debate on a useless, unconstitutional abortion bill that he started viewing porn, and videos of dogs, on his laptop on the floor of the Florida State Senate.

But I was the first to call him a hero for embracing a distraction task to save himself from the terror of unnecessary, useless legislation. And now Sean Hannity on Fox News has joined me, subjecting Bennett, who could possibly run for Congress when his term ends in 2012, to his ‘Great American Panel.’

<Insert wood joke>

Actually, the Great American Panel didn’t call him a hero. They all called him dumb.

When Hannity started telling the story, they showed the picture we’ve all seen at Sunshine State News. But in addition to leaving the black bar across the sexy ladies’ chests, Fox also gave the shot a second bar across the bottom, in case you might become aware that beneath the sexy ladies’ bikini bottoms, they have vaginas, which may or may not be vajazzled.

In addition to the Great American Panel calling Senator Bennett dumb, they also offered some really great dialog that demonstrated the mature importance of the Great American Panelists of Fox News’s Sean Hannity show.

Anthony Cumia of radio’s ‘Opie and Anthony Show’, upon hearing that the e-mail with the porn was sent by a woman noted, “That’s a great excuse.”

He also added, “Those girls look very familiar.”

Noelle Nikpour, a Republican strategist who must be very important because she is a lady on Sean Hannity’s ‘Great American Panel’ <insert second wood joke> tried to feign some outrage.

“He never apologized,” she grumbled, having carefully researched her talking points on Senator Bennett before the show.

Sean Hannity then tried to make a half-hearted defense of Bennett, remarking about the times he has fallen asleep watching HBO, waking up in the middle of the night, all by himself, wondering what was on the TV.

“This crazy show called Real Sex…I can’t believe how sick people are,” he plaintively stated.

Which is probably Hannity’s way of crying out for help and telegraphing to us that he has more porn on his News Corp.-issued BlackBerry than is contained on all of the SEC’s computers. [This is satire Sean; we all know that you don't know how to use the remote control, let alone your BlackBerry [This is also satire, Sean.]]

Sorry, Senator Bennett: Even Fox News thinks you are kind of creepy, and at the very least, ‘dumb.’

Just remember, I am the only man on the Internet who will state without equivocation that you are a hero of ‘Office Space’ dimensions for bucking the boredom created by ineffectual governance with porn, and viral videos.

You’re welcome.


Comments

One T/S Member Comment Called Out, 4 Total Comments
Post your comment »
 
  1. collapse expand

    Michael,
    There are a significant number of employment opportunities available in the Federal government that would require extensive social research, i.e. an expertise on porn. Not “everybody knows it when they see it.” – Justice Potter. Hannity has obviously been extremely diligent in his research, I’ve never heard of HBO’s Real Sex. Shout Out for Sean. That Bennett is creepy, dogs?

    Employment Ops:
    Supreme Court Justice
    MMS regulator
    GOP Committee-person
    Congressman
    Senator
    USN officer

Log in for notification options
Comments RSS

Post Your Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment

Log in with your True/Slant account.

Previously logged in with Facebook?

Create an account to join True/Slant now.

Facebook users:
Create T/S account with Facebook
 

My T/S Activity Feed

 
     

    About Me

    I'm waiting for the day when I can get the news directly into my brain. Until then, I'll be lit up by the electric glow of screens, chasing the latest breaking like the hopeless news junkie I am. Ever since the Encyclopaedia Britannica tried to launch a web portal ten years ago, I've seen many ends of the online news spectrum, from my time as a political news reporter for both RawStory.com and the Huffington Post to the better part of a year I spent running the late New York Sun's website. There have been a lot of other stops in between. Now I am your homepage editorial overlord. But I haven't let it go to my head. Yet.

    See my profile »
    Followers: 336
    Contributor Since: November 2008
    Location:True/Slant's Mountain Lair

    What I'm Up To

    • The Morningside Post

      I’m a founding editor of The Morningside Post, the community blog for Columbia University’s School of International and Public Affairs

      picture-6

       
    • 2960885091_89af285ac5_moff off wall street

      where I go to write

      things too impolite

      for work

       
    .<
    • +O
    • +O
    >.