Get ready for Rush Limbaugh, the worst pro football team owner in the world
Long, long ago, in galaxy far, far away, Rush Limbaugh was a football commentator for ESPN. That was until he made a racist statement about there being a “social concern” for Donovan McNabb to succeed as the Philadelphia Eagles’ quarterback. And then he ‘resigned’ from his on-air post.
But now it seems that Rush, instead of being on-air talent, wants to make Keith Olbermann’s head explode:
Limbaugh, a conservative political commentator, first mentioned his interest in the Rams last May. He was unavailable to the Post-Dispatch for comment but in a statement sent to KMOX radio, Limbaugh said: “Dave and I are part of a part of a bid to buy the Rams, and we are continuing the process.
Rush is a real football fan, of that there can be no question. When I first heard this reported on CBS on Sunday afternoon, I said oh my gosh. A pill popper in the Rams’ corporate office, lock the locker room’s dispensary! But that’s too easy. Jokes about Rush being a drug addict or fat are the easy way out. Especially when Limbaugh gives us so much better material to explain why not a single NFL owner should want Limbaugh to join their ranks.
I offer you Limbaugh’s 10 awesomest terriblest remarks about pro football that I found while watching the Steelers beat the Chargers on Sunday night.
1. Rush compared black football players on the field to fighting gang members.
In January 2007, commenting about the ‘class’ of NFL players, Rush stated:
Look it, let me put it to you this way. The NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons. There, I said it.
He went back to this statement in January 2009, noting of a contest between the Steelers and the Baltimore Ravens:
They’re up next against the Crips and the Bloods, the Baltimore Ravens next Sunday at 6:30 in Pittsburgh at Heinz Field.
Rush in response, of course, will likely point out that he interviewed Tony Dungy, that he’s buddies with the Hutch. But just because you found a couple of black guys who can put up with you doesn’t mean you’re not a racist asshole.
2. Rush can’t let go of his enmity with McNabb and the Eagles.
Let’s not even get into his referring to the Eagles as Girl Scouts. And I won’t go into details, here, because it’s tiresome. But here’s two shows, one in 2007, another in 2008, where Rush revisits the McNabb affair that got him tossed off of ESPN. It’s still early in 2009, folks, just wait for McNabb to have a bad game before he brings it up again.
He can’t admit he was wrong, and he can’t let it go, which means that he’ll be talking about it more and more whenever the Rams play the Eagles. St. Lunatics, if you want your city pulled even deeper into race war than Rush has already tried to drag it, please let him buy your Rams.
3. Limbaugh thinks Michael Vick’s dog murder is funny.
Long story short – Texas Tech fratboys sell a t-shirt that says ‘Vick ‘Em’ and shows a Texas A&M mascot being hung by someone with a no. 7 on their chest, a la dog fighter/killer and now Philadelphia Eagles back-up QB Michael Vick. Frat gets suspended from campus. Rush’s reaction?
RUSH: This is funny.…Boy, if there are any of these shirts out there, do you realize what they are worth? Vick ‘em.
Check out the sickening image of the t-shirt at Rush’s site that old mouth-diarrhea thought was funny.
4. Rush will surely attract scores of female fans to the Edward Jones Dome.
Check out this high quality and welcoming analysis of why women prefer the Olympics to football:
You know, women don’t watch baseball as much as they watch the Olympics. They don’t watch football, basketball. They get out of the house. I mean, there are exceptions. There are some women that like football, but it’s not like women sitting down watching the Olympics. Now, why is this? There’s a reason, folks, and it is left to me to explain it to you.
Women couldn’t care less about any of that. It’s just, “Who won, and when’s it going to be over so we can go to dinner?” Men are invested in these sports because men, most men, would really rather love to be able to do that than their daily humdrum jobs. But women couldn’t be bothered with these kind of mundane things: free agency, trades, fantasy football and baseball leagues and all this. They couldn’t be bothered with it. But, you’ve got the Olympics every two years, summer Olympics every four years, you don’t need a scorecard. It’s real simple: Who won and who lost?
So much for Breast Cancer Awareness Week in the league…
5. Rush will help promote the NFL’s youth health initiatives.
No, see, I liked the football stuff because there was a purpose. I was playing a game, I was getting better at something….What I hate is exercise for the sake of it. “Okay, people, you need to go for a walk.” “Where?” “Well, you’ll end up back at home.” Well, I say, “Why leave?” If I’m going to end up where I started, why leave? I’d rather just stay here, because I frankly hate things that have no purpose.
Maybe he’ll share with children his tips about dealing with pain, too…oh dang it, I said I wouldn’t make drug addict jokes here.
6. Rush has a strong knowledge of sports gambling.
Here is Rush perhaps foreshadowing for the world how he could be the Pete Rose of NFL team ownership:
Have you ever bet on a professional football game with a bookie? Have you ever? They have the line. The odds makers make the line. Let’s say Patriots-Steelers is coming up Sunday; it’s at Foxboro, and let’s say they make the Patriots say a six-point favorite. A lot of people say, “Six points on the Patriots? They’re going to cream the Steelers.” The worst thing you can do when you get involved in betting the points in a football game is worry about your favorite team. You’re making a bet.
You are making a bet! The people that make the odds don’t care who wins. They’re trying to get equal amounts of money on both sides so that no matter who wins, they win. And they’ve gotta set a line that’s going to attract much money. So if Steelers fans think their team is going to get blown out by ten, and the line is six, they’ll take the six. If the Patriots fans think the opposite: “Wow, six points? We’re going to blow these people out by ten, 15. Sure, I’ll lay the six,” and they’ll take it. So the bookies are doing just what happens in the oil speculation market.
7. Rush will not welcome liberals at Edward Jones Dome.
Some Seattle Seahawks fans protested Matt Hasselbeck posing with President Bush. Silly, I agree. What is Rush’s reaction?
You people are just nuts. You people on the left are lunatics. You are certifiably insane. You can’t really be fans of the Seattle Seahawks if your fandom can be shaken and destroyed. What kind of emotional midgets are you? The new castrati, you don’t have any business being football fans. You’re not tough enough to be football fans.
Good thing Missouri isn’t a purple state that McCain won by 4,000 votes in 2008. St. Louis Democrats, the Rams welcome you, just not their partial owner….
8. Try not to win the Super Bowl or Rush might politicize the Rams’ visit to a Democratic White House.
Rush didn’t care for it when Seattle liberals got upset about their QB visiting President Bush; but the shoe was on the other foot when the Pittsburgh Steelers, which Rush and the President both were rooting for in the last Super Bowl, visited Obama at the White House.
He noted that the Steelers must not love the President as much as they love old Rush:
See, I am a student of the NFL. They did not give him locker room jerseys. They might be exact jerseys, I mean the same material, the same price, but you Steelers fans, I’m sure you know if you’ve gone out and bought the real thing, says NFL equipment on it, on field, and the label down in the lower left, you’ll notice when you look at the sleeves it’s not like the jerseys the Steelers wear on the field. The locker room jerseys in almost every case in the National Football League are different than what they sell retail. It’s the same material, it’s the same design, you would never notice it unless you were a pure student. And I’ve noticed that they are not locker room jerseys that Obama got.
9. Rush is ready to liquidate a couple of NFL teams.
If you’re from Detroit or Cincinnati, and you like football, and Rush ever gets any decision-making power in the league, well, you’d better find some new teams to root for:
You can just close down the Detroit Lions, close down the Cincinnati Bengals, and you wouldn’t have to cut anybody other than the players.
10. Rush has compared other football owners to rapists.
This one kind of speaks for itself, and also to Rush’s love of the free market:
I mean, they can rape you financially with ticket prices, but that’s up to you if you want to pay it.
On the other hand, in this show, Rush was taking issue with a sports page columnist saying he’d hold the Kansas City Chiefs’ management accountable for decisions they made about recruiting. And that freedom from the press is surely something that other NFL owners could happily get behind.
This is really just scratching the surface, as far down the memory hole as I could go in my limited time. So there’s gotta be more.
So NFL owners, it’s up to you. If you want a crypto-racist who doesn’t care for women or exercise, doesn’t appear all that concerned about dog-fighting jokes, and compares you to rapists to join you at your round table, Rush Limbaugh is going to make a great addition to your skyboxes in the years ahead.